Blonde

"I'm probably gonna lighten my hair again this weekend, so can you get me some blonde toner?"

You began to write blonde hair dye when the note erupted into flames before you could even finish the word blonde. You screamed in shock and stared at the spot where the paper once was.

"Baby? John, what's wrong?"

"Huh?" you say, startled back to your call, "What? Sorry, the pen exploded and there's a bit of a mess. Could you just text me through the list?"

"Uh, yeah, sure?" Jane said, "Are you sure that's all?"

"Yeah, that's all. Just a bit shocked. See you after work? Love you." you say quickly, hanging up the phone before she can reply.

What the fuck was that? You were just finishing the e in blonde when the paper spontaneously combusted. It didn't even leave a mark on the table. This can't be real. It has to be part of the joke. Ink triggers fire? Your thoughts were interrupted by Jane texting through the list. You looked at it, seeing about a dozen items.

"Well," you say to yourself, still in shock, "guess I'm going shopping."