Blended TML Ch 17

Lacking a script for this situation, Piper and Mary simply watch as the two women gaggle into the master bedroom.

“Piper,” Mary says, grabbing Piper’s hand.

“Yeah?”

“I need you to help me. I’m married to a woman, but I’m not a real lesbian. Are these two a couple?”

It’s a fair question that Piper has been considering. “They aren’t a couple. But they’ve hooked up. I think they’re friends. Soulmate friends, like you and Jess. But there’s something else.” Piper narrows her eyes. “I’m not sure yet.”

“You can tell all that?”

“I mean, I can be wrong. More importantly, they’re gonna eat our snacks.”

“Hide the snacks. I’ll put the ice cream behind the ice cube trays so you can’t see it. And I guess we have to drink all this cider tonight.”

“Like a well-oiled machine,” Piper says.

“Is this really my life?”

“You should be asking yourself what would have happened if they’d shown up and we hadn’t been here,” Piper says.

“You think they’d break in or something?”

“What does your heart tell you?”

“Jesus Christ. What a blessing. God bless. God bless.” Shaking her head, Mary goes to hide the ice cream. Piper looks around to see if there’s anything she can quickly tidy to make this a bit less absurd, but these two are not normal guests. Right now, they’re too drunk to care about anything. And in the morning, they’ll be too hungover to care about anything.

They reconvene in the hallway. Mary holds the cider protectively. “Guess we get the kiddie room.”

The room upstairs has two bunk beds and can potentially sleep four people. Sharing this room with Riley, Kayla, and Patty is… kind of fun. Or it was when they were younger. The idea is horrifying now, but Mary will be a good roommate. The two bottom bunks have been freshly made by Mary; the top ones were untouched by the revelers. There’s a strong scent of air freshener, Mary’s handiwork.

“We can survive this,” Piper assures her as they put their bags down. Mary takes the left bunk and Piper the right. “Let’s hang out by the water.”

Mary hesitates; it’s clear that she was planning to just hide in the room until morning.

Piper unzips her bag and holds up Mary’s bikini. “Come on.”

“Oh my god! I can’t believe you brought that.”

“I’m here to cheer you up. You need to have some fun.”

“Thinking about wearing a bikini at my age is not fun, Piper. It’s depressing and stressful. Did you bring my gua sha too?”

“You’d wear it if Jess was here.”

“Jess plays pickleball to keep in shape. The only exercise I get is carrying baskets of laundry and punching my plush sloth.” Mary has a big, plush sloth.

Piper puts the bikini down and shrugs. “Fine. But I’m wearing mine.” She gets up and begins to strip. “Oh. One other thing. I got this from Kayla.” She produces a plastic bag containing a single gummy.

Mary stares at it, visibly conflicted. Piper removes the gummy and pulls it in half.

Mary glowers for a moment, then folds. She snatches half the gummy, pops it into her mouth, and grabs her bikini.