Black

"I think I'm going to go with the black one."

"Great choice," Scott said with a smile. "Now, time to jump your bones!"

"Scott!" I protested as he jumped on me, pinning me to the bed. I had just started to slip my dress off and the tackle caused my breasts to spill out the top. He kissed me and I couldn't help but give in.

"OK," he said, pulling away from our kiss. "I'll let you get dressed for your date. What should I wear?"

"Fashion show!" I shouted with joy. Scott rolled his eyes but grabbed a few shirts. One was too loud. Another was too formal. The third had a pattern with different jungle animals which seemed fun but not too much.

"OK," Scott said. "Let's go get dinner."

Dinner was nice but it was far from relaxing. There was an inherent anxiousness in the air as the understanding of what we were going to do, what I was going to do, loomed over us. I didn't explicitly tell Scott I was going to have a threesome with Petyr and Raja. I still wasn't one hundred percent sure I was ready, that I'd actually go through with it in the moment. Part of me felt guilty - having a threesome without Scott? With two other guys? - but Scott was so supportive and understanding. He told me "whatever happens, happens." I also may have told him I'd be OK with him having a threesome with two other girls even though he insisted I didn't need to. My fingers were fidgety, tapping against my wine glass and twirling my salad fork.

Why does this feel so much different?

I kept taking nervous sips of wine and Scott had to tell me to slow down, otherwise I'd have passed out before all the fun happened. After paying the check, we got up and walked hand-in-hand out of the restaurant until we reached the pool. Scott took my hands in his.

"I've got to go up," Scott said, nodding toward the stairs.

"I'm this way," I said, looking past the pool. For a moment, I got lost in Scott's eyes.

What am I doing? I have a perfectly handsome husband who is perfectly capable of pleasing me, I thought. Then Scott kissed me.

"Have fun," he said with a smile.

This is it. There's no turning back now.