Scenes From A Destination Wedding Weekend, Part 4: Whiskey Time!

The Broadcast

The Terrace was strung with lanterns that didn't quite match any single culture's idea of festive — driftwood frames wrapped in golden thread, candlelight caught inside old glass bottles, garlands that smelled faintly of cedar and salt. Andy had been on his feet for an hour, working the room the way a host was supposed to, but his eyes kept drifting to Harper.

She stood a little apart from the knot of guests near the drinks table, one hand wrapped around a glass she wasn't really drinking from, watching the room with the specific stillness of someone doing a job even when she wasn't technically on the clock. It was easy to forget, most days, that Harper carried a season of her own now — an entire harem, an entire set of lives balanced on decisions she made every round. It was easy to forget until you caught her like this, in an unguarded moment, looking tired in a way that had nothing to do with the hour.

He crossed the space between them without making a production of it, snagged two glasses of something dark off a passing tray, and held one out to her.

“You survived the scavenger hunt,” he said. “Barely got to talk to you the whole time, though. Sam had us running in random directions half the afternoon.”

Harper took the glass, huffed something that was almost a laugh. “After you left, I found a coconut with your name carved into it. I have no idea how that was supposed to help either of us win.”

“Don’t ask me, and thank you for covering for me.” He leaned against the nearest post, giving her space without giving up the conversation. “How are you doing, actually? Not the party. The season. Hosting.”

“You’d think being on the other side of the Suite would prepare you, but it doesn’t. The number of decisions that need to be made are staggering. And not just the ones you see. Approving scene edits alone... But that’s not what you’re asking about.”

She took a moment to pause, sip and nod, before continuing, “The weight of the role is heavy, maybe heavier than being a Master. I have to be a judge, a show woman, a guide for those who want it, an obstacle for those who need it. I don’t know how Arabella does it alone. I am barely able to keep it together and I have a lot of help.”

She watched Mona's Kevin over by some of the kid Masters, trying his best not to stare at Felix’s junk too much. “Then, there is the personal cost. My only son Winter fell for that one over there, hard, and got voluntarily roped into the harem. I still don’t know how to feel about that. Kevin’s a good kid, and Winter has already gotten a lot out of being in the harem, but… you don’t exactly wish for your kid to be wrapped up in this sort of thing. I doubt it would happen, but what if I am forced to eliminate either of them? I am not sure if I can bear it...”

She tipped her glass for another sip, pausing to catch her breath.

Andy let the words settle before he said anything, watching where her gaze had gone — over to the kid Masters, to Kevin McAllister, a person who apparently was doing exactly what wide-eyed hopeful people did at parties like this, whatever the invisible math running underneath their happiness.

“I didn’t know that,” he said, quietly. “About Winter and Kevin.” He didn't reach for anything glib, no easy reassurance that it would be fine, because he had a feeling she'd hear right through it. “That’s an impossible thing to carry into a season. Being the one who might have to choose, someday, between the rules and your own kid.”

He turned his glass slowly, matching her pace instead of rushing to fill the silence. “For what it’s worth — and I know it's not much, from someone who’s never had to sit where you're sitting — I don’t think wanting to protect Winter makes you bad at the job. I think it probably makes you better at it. You’re not going to let yourself get numb to what a choice like that would cost. Arabella isn’t numb to it either. I’ve seen it on her, more than once.”

He let a beat pass, then came back around to the thing he’d actually walked over to say, gentler now than he'd planned it. “I’ve been sitting on something I wanted to offer you, before tomorrow, and hearing this makes me want to say it even more. The Audience gave me the Coauthor Capstone. Fifteen words, and it reaches transformations now — I can't undo one, but I can soften what it does, if I choose the phrasing carefully enough. I've done it to soften Katherine’s elimination, and with the addition of Command, I may have freed her completely today. And I’ve done it with Sumiku, just before you arrived.” He paused, taking a deep breath. “I don’t know everything your harem’s carrying, but I know some of it’s heavy. If there’s anyone — Kevin, Winter, anyone, including you or one of your own harem — who's holding something that could stand to weigh less, I would like to offer my help. No conditions. Just say the word, any time, tonight or after.”

He set his glass down on the nearest ledge so his hands were free of it, free of everything except what he wanted to say next. “And I wanted you to hear this straight, not folded into a toast tomorrow where everyone’s watching. Thank you. For the letters, for showing up tonight when you didn't have to, for being the one person who actually understands what it's like to sit where I sit, because you sit somewhere just as hard. You’ve been the first friend I ever made here, and a true friend at that. I don’t know what happens after tomorrow. So I didn't want to leave it unsaid.”

“Thank you, Andy. It means more than you can imagine to hear that. What you and yours have done for us already has accrued a debt I can never repay. You gave us hope when it might have been lost. That’s no small thing.”

Andy shook his head at Harper's statement. “No, Harper. You and yours have done so much for us as well. I know Scarlet's letters have supported Marissa when she most needed it. Emi's friendship with Skye matters a lot to her, as do your children, whom she sees as her nieces and nephews. Even Erin's fond of Nyadia and Mattie, either despite or because of the Bazongas Delgado Memorial Garden.” He smiled faintly.

Harper kept her eyes on Mona’s Kevin. Nodding towards him, she said, “As far as Mona and the kids go, they are still in the early part of the game. I will not presume to make those kinds of decisions for them, especially when they can still request changes in the game. Ask them, if you wish to offer it to them. Careful about offering it to Mona; she is still mightily tempted by easy solutions.”

He clinked his glass with the sea elf's. “I’m not going to approach Mona or her harem with this offer. You're their Host and I trust your judgment, and as you said, they can still change things. But you and yours... Harper, don’t hesitate to ask. Whatever is in my power to give, I'd be happy to give.”

Her glass empty, she summoned the mostly full bottle of Glenfiddich Suspended Time she brought to the wedding and poured herself a couple of fingers. She clinked her glass to Andy’s, then continued, “Slainte. $1500 bottle of scotch here, if you need a top off. Now, as far as me and mine go, I do have some ideas. From least to most selfish, Skye’s first transformation, Embarrassed Clothed Female, makes her literally pass out if I wear clothes around her. Same thing happens when she’s around Aelene. Same thing also happens with the family adult elven children, especially Summer and Winter. Our season’s shop wouldn’t let me fix it. I hate seeing her excluding herself from things due to it.”

“I think I can help with this one. I can’t void it, but I can redirect the embarrassment component. How about this change?”

Embarrassed Clothed Female +1 – How does one embarrass somebody who grew up being naked and unashamed? By making them feel shame clothed. Skye will now feel embarrassed by the concept of wearing clothing. The more worn clothing she is around, the more mortified she will feel. Embarrassment levels will also increase based on how emotionally close she is with the wearer; she will literally faint in shame if she sees a loved one's clothing worn by anyone else. Exceptions are made for jewelry, accessories, and safety equipment when worn appropriately (???).

“That works; thank you. Skye will be so happy. Second, It’s not a problem right now, but one of Scarlet’s transformations, Sex Work is Real Work, requires her to maintain a job. She’s immortal, as am I. I imagine that she’d like to retire at some point. Money is never going to be an issue, so it’s not like she needs to work forever.”

“Ah. These TFs weren't designed with long-term thinking in mind, were they? But I can help with this too.” His eyes seem to focus elsewhere for a moment, and he nods. “How about this?”

Sex Work is Real Work – Scarlet graduated, so she can’t be in a work/study program anymore. Instead, she becomes a more literal working girl. Until she reaches the age of normal human retirement from her original world, Scarlet has to hold down a job of her choosing. The more sexual her work is, the more successful it will become. So, if she starts a brothel, it will become a multi-billion gold coin a year business; if she starts something completely wholesome, it will fail spectacularly (Working Girl).

“Clever. I like it. And, no, transformations are not usually designed with immortal contestants in mind. Double check your companions’ lists, just in case. A couple potential things for me. I don’t like tapping into Host magic. It feels like cheating. Also, there is a magic budget I have to pay attention to, so frivolous use of Host powers is bad accounting. Most situations I can handle on my own. However, there are some things that would be ill advised to tackle just with my own strength. You and yours are aware of one of them: The Black-blooded Beast sniffing around Gaia’s soul. His avatar outranks me. I can hit above my weight class but, if He truly brought His full might to bear in order to eat her, I would have to expend quite a bit of my magic budget to keep her soul intact. He’d come via the Greenspace, likely with an army of werewolves; I don’t like the odds of fighting Him with just my elven wives as backup. It feels selfish to ask, but I have plenty of party XP to spare, so fiddling with my Overleveled Overlady transformation to increase my level cap to the 40s would get me on par with the cat.”

Harper sighed as she continued to think. Her lungs were a little bit irritated, not badly enough to need an immediate trip to the ocean, but enough to be felt. She added, “I also have a limited tolerance to being out of seawater. A bunch of factors influence how long I can handle being on land, but stress is one of them. I have not had to cheat with Host magic to avoid it yet, but I have gotten close. One of my transformations, Dive, Dive, lets me extend the time limit. It’s selfish for me to ask, but something that makes that time limit last longer would be appreciated.”

“I can help with both, though the only limitation is that I can only affect a person once per round. So, one now and one after the endgame, if I can. Which one would be most important for you right now?” He hesitated. “There's another thing, too. I could try Command to make you able to breathe both water and air, IF the Gift deems you less powerful than me, whatever that means. It's a slim chance, but would you want to try? If it fails, there's always Coauthor.”

Harper shrugged, “Wouldn’t hurt to try Command, but I am an immortal quasi-deity, so...”

“Harper, be able to breathe air indefinitely as easily as water, with no time limit or undesirable side effects.”

Harper sucked in a burst of air, feeling more comfortable doing it than she has felt since turning blue. She shed a few tears before willing herself to stop, “Thank you, for that. By the way, that’s really humbling. Teach me to just assume. If you’re stronger than me, what does that mean?”

“...Yeah, that’s... Look, I wish I could say I’m surprised, but... How much have you been following our season’s last few days? Because Claire and I have figured out the endgame for all... All these flare-ups. And the source of them. I don’t really control it consciously, but... It's a path to apotheosis. Divinity, apparently, for me and for all the women bound to me.” He took a deep breath. “It’s Arabella’s power I’m tapping into. The combined power of all the first-gen Hosts. Producer-level, or more. I don’t quite understand the scale yet. If I find the threshold, and if I cross it.”

Harper failed to swallow a laugh. “What’s with most of us being on the cusp of divinity? Okay, I will admit that I have been paying less attention since my season started, but Garret is there via the transitive property, I could have it if I wanted it, my little chat with Burgmeyer was about it too. Next, we are going to hear that Tracy started a dragon-lady cult...”

Harper held a breath for a second, then exhaled slowly, “Seriously, it’s a big step. It’s not to be taken lightly. I don’t know how much I should say, other than that.”

“Yeah. I don’t know how it is for Kevin – we spoke a little earlier today – or for you, and I get the sense that for Mark, it’s a more... circumscribed divinity, in a sense? At least for now? But for me... Harper, I’ve temporarily summoned the dead. Twice. And Riley’s son... I brought him back, Harper. Permanently. I didn’t will it, I just saw Riley cry and wanted to give her peace. And I gave her her son back.” He closed his eyes for a moment. “I know a lot of the things I’ve done are things you could do with magic, but they just... happen. I haven’t watched or read seasons of Harem Hotel, and Arabella only gave us summarized versions for the fanmail rounds, but if I want to, I could tell you what Caleb, or Dan, or... Or Alan are doing right now. I know what happened during the latest challenge with Nick’s crew, and I know I should not discuss it with him, even though I know it’s important for him. I know what happened on Emily’s first season, with my cousin, even though she never went into the details.” Andy paused, troubled. “Arabella can manipulate time, create whole places out of nothing, travel whenever she wishes, and I know – don't ask me how – that Ms. E once told you that if she had to fight Arabella over Dinah, she wasn’t sure she could win. And Arabella is constrained, as a first-gen Host. I would have no such constraints. I... It’s an awful lot of power for a Midwest kid who sleepwalked, emotionally, throughout half his life.” He sighed. “I... It may also be the only way to get a seat at the table and negotiate Laura’s debt. So I may not have much choice.”

Harper nodded, mind churning over the implications. “I’d argue that you would still be constrained, at least at the beginning. You currently lack an understanding of what you are doing and how to control it. It’s a power you cannot rely on. As you grow into whatever path of divinity you seem to be traversing, that constraint will fade. Also, never underestimate the constraint of a human mindset; you will stop yourself from going too far. You are no Black-blooded Beast, looking for things to devour just because you can. But, yes, you would be free of the rules and regulations of a Host, with the combined power of the original dozen. That is likely Executive Producer level power. Think Jupiter or Odin at their peaks from your world.”

“You do have choices, still, even if you can’t see all of them yet. Think long and hard about them. Immortality has consequences, as does concentrating that much power into one person. Again, I don’t know what all to say.”

Andy sighed. “We’ll have to see what happens tomorrow. The not knowing is the worst part. But I’ll try to focus on the wedding. For now,” he said, straightening, “let’s get your other issue cared for.” Andy smiled. “I’m glad I can be of help to you, after everything. Here, let’s get your transformation tuned up...”

Over-leveled Overlady – Harper wants more power? Well, she can have it, at the expense of her minions, of course. Harper can distribute XP earned by the party as she wishes. Her level cap increases by 2 for every harem member she has that reaches Level 20. She may select an Epic Boon as a part of each level she gains that grants an ability score improvement after reaching Level 20 (Dungeon Mistress).

“Finally, Glitterdust is still a problem, but I have no idea how to resolve our fundamental issue, especially since she isn’t here to consent. If anything, she’s become more insular as time goes by. We’re never going to be able to have a good relationship so long as she sees me primarily as a fetish object and not a loving partner.”

“Well, that can be solved quickly if I make that specific change and force her to see you as a partner and not a fetish object. However, it would be a change to her personality, even if small. I would feel more comfortable if I knew she consented, at least to some extent.”

Harper sighed, “It’s a more fundamental change than you expect. Her whole sexuality is tied to watching her brother become her sister from a spell that was never reversed. I don’t know what all the knock-on effects would be. Again, she’s not here now; it can wait until we can talk to her about it. Thank you for all of this. You need advice for tomorrow? I’ve gone through plenty of weddings as a bride.”

“Then let’s table this until you can speak with her, and we figure out a way to help you two without knock-on effects. As for tomorrow...” Andy looked at Harper earnestly and placed a hand on her shoulder. “I know of the waiver, and I know it chafes. But if there’s any way for you to remain around, help protect anyone who’s not involved in the debt? I don’t think there’ll be danger beyond the harem, but I’ve seen things... Nevermind that. But you’ve done so much for me and mine already.”

Harper bristled at the waiver reminder. Just standing down or standing aside was not in her nature. She always led from the front, as best as she could, whether during the game or on the battlefield after. Still, she felt Andy’s resolve. She nodded, “If I find a way, without offending your show’s Producer, me and mine will happily take that burden on. I am still bound by the rules of Hosting and would rather avoid a meeting with the network’s HR department, so no guarantees that I can. Also, I am pretty sure Mildred can take care of itself, at the very least. Have you talked to it about after the show yet?”

Andy shrugged. “Mildred might, and she might even protect the Hollow Garden’s residents... But then again, she might not. I’d rather not find out the hard way.” He hesitated. “Call it a feeling, but I have a hunch the Garden will have a part to play tomorrow. As for talking with her about the after-show... I have. We invited her to come with us, wherever that might be. Time will tell, I guess.”

Harper held her tongue. She didn’t want to contradict his heartfelt desire to take care of it. Maybe he can contain the thing if it decides to go rogue?

“Well, you know about the waiver, so you know that I have to tread carefully about what may happen tomorrow. Ignoring that brewing storm, if you want some advice, relax and enjoy the moment. I have been in your position as a bride in big production royal weddings enough times to know that, if you let it, the stress of the day, the next scheduled event, can overwhelm the point of it. You are joining yourself to seven wonderful women in a way that the show hasn’t forced on you. Treasure it. I am sure Arabella will have the logistics perfect. Also, go with the flow when the expected Hotel weirdness comes. I was quite surprised when they wheeled out the giant canopy bed in the middle of the dance hall so we could properly consummate the marriage during my first royal wedding reception. And then I was told we toss our panties instead of bouquets.”

Despite the seriousness of the previous conversation, Andy found himself laughing at Harper’s recollection of her first royal wedding reception. “I will keep that in mind, although I suspect Arabella’s mixed-tradition wedding ceremony might not include a consummation aspect. Asking the guests to watch a seven-bride orgy might be a little much!” His laugh tapered off. “But seriously, thank you for the advice. I am glad you’ll be up there by my side tomorrow. Waiver or no waiver, I’m grateful you took the time to come, I know how challenging it is. And I’m glad you brought Mona too. It was high time Laura and I met her. In a weird way, we both feel very protective of her.”

“There were curtains!” Harper objected, smiling. “We even kept them closed, mostly.” Returning to Mona, Harper’s thoughts were a bit more wistful, “Yeah, she’s a good kid, once you subdue the horny gremlin inside her. She needs friends that are going through this, just like we did. She needs someone watching out for her other than me and mine. Thank you for that.”

Andy shook his head. “No need to thank me, my friend. I’m happy to pass it forward, the way you did with me when we first met. If you or Mona ever need me or mine, you only have to ask. And that's a promise, no matter where we end up.”

Harper finished her last sip of scotch, then sent the glass and the bottle back into her inventory. She gave Andy a hug, not nearly as bone crushing as the one he could give. “You too, bud. You too.”