An Interlude

Before we progress to the next entry, the woman Missy also somehow provided a recording from the Governess’office which provided valuable context as to what happens next. For the benefit of you readers we’ve copied it out into a transcript on this page.

-Professor Bernice Summerfield.

[The Governess frustratedly mutters under her breath whilst looking through some papers. She looks up and is shocked to see a mysterious intruder standing in her office.]

Governess: “Who are you? How did you get in here?!”

Unknown Woman: “The answer to the first question is unimportant. In answer to the second, pretty easily I have to say, although yet again I’ve had experience breaking out of prisons so breaking into one should be a piece of cake.”

[The Governess attempts to press the panic button under the desk but the intruder takes note of this]

Unknown woman: “Oh don’t bother, I’m jamming the signal because I wanted to talk about one of your inmates, or to be more specific, Professor River Song.”

Governess: “Professor?! Since when was she a professor?”

Unknown woman: “Oops, bit too early for that I’m guessing. Never mind, slip of the tongue, take no notice.”

The Governess: “Alright then, what do you want with her?”

Unknown woman: “To see her humiliated for hogging the attention of my dearest friend, which is why I came to you. From what I understand you’ve implanted cloth eating nanites into her in order to leverage her into staying, is that correct?”

Governess: “How did you- [Sighs]. Yes”

Unknown woman: “But it’s not gone as expected has it?”

Governess: “She left her prison uniform neatly folded up in her cell to mock us. I didn’t expect her to regain bravado so quickly, especially from how she reacted when we initially stripped her.”

Unknown woman: “Oh that’s not it, she’s probably going to get her hubbie to fix her up with image projection clothes.”

Governess: “Image what? You mean she has access to holograms? Oh what am I saying, of course she does, and those damn nanites can’t do a thing.”

Unknown woman: “Oh don’t blame them deary, even if she couldn’t use those she’d still travel around the universe buff if she needed to. You’ll never be able to tie her down to this place so you might as well deactivate those nanites.”

Governess: “I thought you wanted her-“

Unknown woman: “That doesn’t mean we can’t have our fun with her before hand. This is the safest space in the tangled up mess that is her timeline that we really have the opportunity to do this to her so let’s make this a trip she won’t ever forget.”

[The Governess leans further on the table]

Governess: “What did you have in mind?”

Unknown woman: “Well, I say we turn off the whole permanent nudity thing, we don’t really need it as she’s still under the assumption that getting dressed will be impossible. And if she discovers otherwise on her trip it won’t matter, because of this.”

[The woman pulls something from her pocket]

Unknown woman: “Contained in this hard drive is an algorithm which will turn those nanites from cloth eaters into Quantum improbability ENF engines.”

Governess: “Quantum what?”

Unknown woman: “You see, it’ll manipulate universal probability around River. The most absurdly contrived and seemingly implausible events will suddenly start occurring to her and she’ll have no idea how she’s ending up in these situations. However the algorithm will only ensure that the scenarios are of an ENF making, meaning that the universe itself will be ensuring River ends up naked and embarrassed in scenarios through mega bad luck.”

Governess: “And you don’t want any kind of payment?”

Unknown woman: “Her embarrassment is my only reward, however I do have one condition.”

Governess: “Name it.”

Unknown woman: “Once she returns, deactivate the nanites immediately. I don’t want to risk drastically altering history, especially with a timeline as chaotic as Song’s. And if I find out that you haven’t kept your word and have gone at least a day over then, well, best leave it to your imagination.”

Governess: “It’s a deal then.”

[The two women shake hands and the woman hands the device to the Governess.]