Afterglow

The warm water of the bath felt wonderful as Barbara leaned back against me in the tub, her body drained of energy. After our mutual orgasms she had ordered me to draw a bath for the two of us although her tone had been that of a satisfied woman rather than a harsh mistress. She remained silent as I gently shampooed her hair, then began scrubbing her face, neck and breasts with a soapy sponge.

As I washed the massage oil from Barbara's body she leaned her head back against my shoulder. Her eyes were closed and she had a look of relaxation and contentment on her face that I'd never seen before. I guessed, knowing the type of driven person she was, that these moments of peace were rare in her life and it made me feel good that I was able to give that to her. I kept waiting for the pangs of guilt over betraying Anna to show up but they never came. As much as I loved her she still felt like a little sister to me, someone I would mentor and teach until she was ready to leave the nest.

Somehow this moment with Barbara felt right. As impenetrable, complex, and unpredictable as she could be she was in many ways a remarkable woman and I felt lucky that she had chosen me to be her...her what? Her lover? Her slave? When given the choice earlier I had elected to be her slave tonight. Would things have been any different if I had chosen to be her lover instead? I didn't know. What I did know was that I had once again chosen servitude.

I thought about our conversation earlier and how Barbara had said that actions rather than thoughts are what define a person. If that's the case then my actions had continually defined me as the submissive that Barbara claimed I was. At that moment I knew that I wouldn't move out of the condo, remove the collar, or start wearing clothes away from work. I would continue to obey her in every way until my contract ended. After that I would let my heart guide me.

But I wouldn't sign another contract no matter what leverage Barbara thought she had over me to force me to do it. I couldn't and have any hope of retaining any semblance of freedom to choose my own course even if that course was to remain Barbara's naked servant. I had to be able to freely choose that on my own rather than be compelled to do it by an oppressive contract with severe financial penalties if I ever decided to leave. I would do everything Barbara commanded of me but I would not sign another contract. But even as I told myself all of this I knew she would somehow find a way to make me do it and I was powerless to stop her.

And on that day I would be signing my life away.