After the fight

The fight seemed to last forever but all too soon it was over. The last guard, of course, was the most difficult to overcome. He kept barking like a dog, calling for people named Moe and Larry, and then frantically reached under his coat for something that turned out to be a cream pie. It didn't help that halfway through the fight, some unseen wiseguy musician in the wilderness started playing a tune that sounded suspiciously like "Pop Goes the Weasel," after which the guard in question became even more pugnacious.

But at long last, he too was overcome and all the guards were rendered ****.

"Oh, great," said the Tin Man. "Now we can take their uniforms."

"Why would we want to take their uniforms?" asked the Scarecrow. "They don't seem especially fashionable to me."

"We need to wear them in order to sneak into the witch's castle, stupid," said the Tin Man. "I swear, Scarecrow, it's almost as if you haven't got a brain."

"Well, at least I've got a heart," said the Scarecrow, "unlike, you know, some people."

"If you're going to strip the guards," asked Dorothy, "may I have some of their clothes? I really want to stop being naked right now."

"Sorry, Dorothy," said the Tin Man. "We're going to need all these clothes if we're going to pass successfully for guards."

"Even the clothes that they wear under their uniform?" asked Dorothy.

"Well, especially those," said the Tin Man. "Those are the most important part."

"Well, what am I supposed to do?" asked Dorothy.

"Stand out here naked, I guess," said the Scarecrow.

"Scarecrow!" cried Dorothy.

"Well, I suppose you can come inside with us," said the Lion. "We can pretend you're a prisoner or something."

"A naked prisoner?" asked Dorothy.

"Why not?" asked the Scarecrow. "And you can bring Toto too."

"I really don't like this plan," said Dorothy.

"Well, we're going to have to do something if we're going to get your clothes back from that wicked witch," said the Tin Man. "Not that I'm particularly eager to see you get dressed again. After all, aesthetically speaking, you seem a lot more pleasing to the human eye this way."

"You really think so?" asked Dorothy.

"Of course, toots," said the Tin Man. "Then again nobody here but you is human so..."

"Oh, just shut up and get into that uniform," said Dorothy.

"That's what she said," said the Tin Man.

"Er, who do you mean by that?" asked Dorothy. "I'm the only woman right here."

"Some lady I met on my last trip to Emerald City," said the Tin Man. "A real friend of the Tin Man community, you might say. I'm tempted to call her a dear friend but I always thought she was better described as reasonably priced."

"You mean she was a --" Dorothy started to say.

"Good kisser," said the Tin Man. "You betcha. Now help me get this guy's boots off, Scarecrow."