A realisation

You close the porn video. Your calendar is flashing. You’d noticed it, but been focussed on your junk and porn, so ignored it. But now you feel compelled to open the calendar. The pop-up tells you that your interview at St Perpetua’s is at 2pm today.

No, that’s wrong. The interview is Wednesday. Today’s Sunday. But your laptop’s claiming today’s Wednesday.

You check your phone. It won’t start. You have to plug it in and start recharge. When it starts, it claims it’s Wednesday as well.

The TV. Same deal. Wednesday.

Today is Wednesday. You thought you’d been passed out for a few hours. No, you’d been passed out for a few days.

And today is Wednesday. In 7 hours, you have an interview at Perpetua’s. It’ll take you five hours to get there. Maybe you should cancel. You could take your junk for another test drive. It feels like it wants to. You feel like you want to.

No. You may not have wanted this interview, but Pete set it up, and you can’t let him down. You can examine the monster between your legs anytime, assuming it’s now permanent. Is it permanent? How do you know?

No, don’t worry about those kinds of things. Worry about the interview.

You shave, throw yourself under the shower, then get dressed. First problem, your underwear no longer fits your lower physique. You can’t fit the monster in. The fate of the ripped underpants is now revealed. You find a pair of boxers Samantha bought you once that are roomier than your usual underpants. They’re still tight. But you can fit everything in. Thankfully your suit trousers are loose enough to be worn. Although you worry how they’ll behave if you get excited.

You throw together an overnight bag. Check you have the keys to your parents’ old house. Then set off for your hometown.