A lot of optimization

“Thank you my goddess,” Adam replies when I'm done. “It's… weird, but I hear my own voice in my head… oh, I can gain a level in a divine spellcasting class now too? Interesting…” he pauses, “Do you have any current tasks for me, my goddess, or may I…”

“Go power up,” I chuckle, “be strong. See how far you can go with it.”

“Yes Ma'am,” he hangs up.

It's only after he's gone that I realize he kept using the feminine forms. Eh… given that he's seen me taking it in both ends and screaming out for more… I'm not going to countermand that.

I shake my head, and cast Disguise Self and Vocal Alteration, making an illusion of the old me. I also focus, and use the Returning ability on the Legendary Item I selected, and feel a ring appearing on my right hand. I smile at that, and say the word… which lets me see through things for a particular distance, provided they're not too thick. My other build choices make me immune to the drawback of the Ring of X-Ray Vision, but I don't leave it running: It's going to be hard enough to focus as it is without seeing through everyone's clothes. Smiling, I leave my apartment, and head down to my car.

I head into work and do an eight hour shift (plus a half hour unpaid lunch), quietly pausing and renewing various buffs when my phone buzzes: Contracted phone support for a cellular provider. Not a great job, but it pays the bills… barely… and doesn't leave me feeling too soul crushed at the end of the day…

…at least until the shift supervisor calls me into his office right at the end of the day: “Dan, come with me.”

I get a sinking feeling in my gut from his tone, and follow him from today's workstation (they're interchangeable, although I bring my own headset because of the one time I found out I got lice from the workplace). His office is only slightly better than cubeville, basically a closet with a desk, a computer, and an extra chair.

As soon as I'm in, he adds, “Close the door, and sit down.” My throat dry, I comply, and the man in the cheap suit continues, “You processed one hundred fifty three calls today, and every single one both filled out the automated survey and rated you at five stars.”

I blink. Oh, right, I took the Diplomacy skill and I'm Charisma based… so everyone loved me. Yay! “That's wonderful sir.”

“Impossibly so,” he agrees, “You're fired.”

Uhh… “Wait, what?”

“You heard me. It’s simply not possible,” he takes a breath, “and even if it was, we can’t afford the cost of anyone actually hitting those thresholds on our pay scheme. So we can’t have you working here regardless of the validity of the results, which we officially hold are impossible and thus cheating. This is a notification, not a negotiation. Any personal items left at your last workstation will be mailed to you.” He hands me a sheaf of papers, “this way…”

I blink a few times, and dumbly follow as my ex-supervisor leads me calmly past all of my former coworkers, and out of the rented building to the parking lot. The man in the cheap suit then nods, and gets back to work. I find my car, get in, and check the sheaf of papers… official notice, reminder of confidentiality clause… not that they let us know anything useful… description of how the final paycheck will be sent… eh. I shrug and toss it all on the passenger's seat.

Well. Sighing, I start up my car and drive back to my meager apartment. Ugh. How am I going to pay for this place now? Let’s see… I still have one paycheck coming, and am paid until the end of the month… I sit down to review the state of my finances.

I get a call from Adam, “My goddess! Are you ready to find out what I have done with your power?”

“Yeah, sure, I could use the distraction,” I nod.

“Great! You’re the last to agree. I’ll see you in a moment, my goddess,” my high priest informs me over the phone, just before I’m not in my apartment anymore:

I’m on a tropical beach.

I look around, seeing Adam, Brian, and Charles… plus five very busty nude women… and all of the new folks are between eight and twelve feet tall. Two of them have literal gold skin and three pairs of white feathered wings each. One is a rosy-haired woman with a lower body composed of a column of autumnal leaves and gently swaying vines; the vines are blooming one side, and frozen in frost on the other. The last two of the nude women have skin of polished stone and glittering agates for eyes. My shadow isn’t nearly as sharp as it should be for the sunlight… I look up, and see blue skies with no sun. I look out to sea and notice there’s a grid of islands stretching on to infinity in the water… and no horizon to be seen.

Adam speaks in my mind… actually speaking conversationally, not the weird game mechanics voice, ‘Hi! Welcome to the beginning of your divine realm! One Solar to maintain and expand your realm, one to accompany you, two Noble Earth Genies to grant your Wishes, and a veranallia because, well… you seemed concerned about the possibility of children, and she has a way to prevent that. Also, she can ignore material components entirely once a day, and that goes very well with the casting.’

“How did you…” I begin aloud.

‘They're Simulacrums,’ he speaks into my mind, ‘as is the tear of Nuruu’gal that I'm using to gain Telepathy… I just need to remember to expel it eventually to avoid becoming a Shining Child, but that has no mechanics around it and explicitly takes many years… but in the meanwhile, I am Telepathic, and that's cool. Basically, I spent the power with which you've entrusted me on a Legendary Item and an Heirloom, making sure to give both five copies of Intelligence so that they can have the spellcasting option, and pick up Wish as a three a day ability. A little work and they have a caster level of twenty two, which is good for Simulacrums of creatures with up to forty four hit dice. Advance some Outsiders by hit dice, then copy them, and we have the original stock creatures, other than that they can't improve or heal naturally. The Solars get Wish and Permancy, and built this place; I'll have one expand it, the other can accompany you and pretend to be a mortal. The Noble Earth Genies - Pashas - can grant three Wishes each day…so with two of them, we can - over the course of a few weeks - get everyone at the limit of Inherent bonuses to our ability scores… and I can easily make another set of them tomorrow. Also, now that we're all here…’ he pauses, ‘...done. Now if any of us die, we show up by my ring a day later, none the worse for wear.’

I look at Adam… he has a black circular amulet hanging from a chain around his neck… I can see little stars swirling in the blackness when I look closely… and a ring knotted with metallic tendrils encasing a setting of red and amber gemstones on his finger that I don't recognize, “Impressive; you said they're intelligent?”

“Yes,” Adam switches to speaking out loud, “ladies, go ahead and say hello.”

Two women (twin black beauties) appear; I hear dice in my head, ‘Silent Image illusions.’

The two speak up, the sound not coming from the illusions, but from where Adam is standing, “Hello,” they say in sync.

I pause, licking my lips, “and they are all naked women why, exactly?”

Adam laughs, “Because I'm still a guy. Are you telling me you don't like the view?”

I lick my lips again, I am getting really worked up, “I do, it's just…” I pause, “...distracting.”

“We have no reason not to indulge,” Brian speaks up, “...although it'd be nice if they were, you know… a bit shorter?”

Adam shrugs, “that's easy. The veranallia and pashas are stuck with their forms, but the two Solars have Change Shape, and can be human sized easily enough …”

“We can fix that,” one of the Solars speaks up, “Miracle can copy Greater Shapechanger's Gift, so the Pashas can go back and forth for hours.”

I smile, “Great… come down to our level, please.”

The nude giant outsiders look at the DM, and he nods, “He is my goddess. Anything he says, goes, regardless of his or her form.”

The two literal angels shape themselves down to my level, and cast their spells - I hear dice in my head, but don't get an identification… I do get a two quick, ‘Do you wish to approve a Miracle for a Greater Shapechanger's Gift spell?’ from the Adam in my head, and nod a quick yes to both… which is apparently sufficient. The two stony giant outsiders then shrink down and look as soft as any human woman. Still very well endowed… nice melons… and still very nude.

Adam's pants tent significantly more than I remember from yesterday, and he smiles, “So… who wants some permanent and reversible birth control?”

“Me!” I speak up very quickly, but both Brian and Charles raise their hands as well.

Adam nods, “Great!” and turns to the half-plant woman, “Please apply Autumnal Embrace to all of them.”

I hear Adam in my head when the towering woman focuses on me, ‘You're immune.’

The plant woman frowns, and tries again… and I get the same message. She then shrugs, and focuses on both Charles and Brian, nodding this time, before giving a report to Adam, “The goddess shrugged off my power; it took on the other two.”

Adam looks at me, raising an eyebrow, and I sigh as I explain, “I'm apparently immune to it: It turns out optimization has a down side.” I smile, “But if my partners can't father any children… then I'm good to go.” I pause a bit, “Ah… Adam, what else did you manage to squeeze in?”

He chuckles, “I'm also set up for crafting nearly any magic items you would like. I'll start by making a few dedicated wrights to handle the actual construction, and pay for the materials by way of cheap trade goods, which I plan to buy with gold from using Limited Wish to duplicate Fabricate.” He takes a breath, “Additionally, I have four domains as spell-like abilities thanks to Divine Source, which includes Limited Wish, Wish, Simulacrum, Miracle, Time Stop, and Shapechange. I can grant spells, and can spend Mythic to grab things from the Fallen Fey Sphere, keeping them for up to five hours. My Mythic Tradition requires I obey you… seemed like a freebie, as you can revoke my status whenever anyway. Oh, I'm also ageless, and a first level Oracle.”

“Squeezed a lot out of it, huh?” I chuckle.

“Oh yes,” Adam agrees, “I should be able to reliably hit a Spellcraft result of 42 by taking ten… and some of my first projects will be about boosting that higher still.”

“So caster level twenty items when missing three requirements…” I consider, “Nice, that's going to be enough for virtually any item.”

“Or missing two and working quickly, yes…” Adam agrees, “...which will be somewhat important as some of the good stuff will take months, even with time compression shenanigans.”

I'd inquire further, but honestly, he basically just said he's my plaything, and him being better at making stuff will only be good for me. There's no need to press on that… but I do have a different desire.

Of course, Brian and Charles have their eyes on power, “Hey… how can I get in on some of that?” The meat mountain speaks up first.

“I gave him the big one because he didn't get the player package…” I'm feeling a little frustrated, best get this out of the way quickly, “but there's a smaller version I can hand out if you are OK with worshipping me. Are you?”

“Certainly my goddess,” Brian shrugs, “as an Oracle, I don't strictly need to venerate any one deity for my class features, and you're certainly worthy of the attention.”

“I'm in a similar boat as a Druid, none of my features are deity-specific” Charles smiles, “I could go for some of that.”

“Great,” I concentrate for a bit, “Should be available shortly; you *might* want to talk to Adam on optimization there, as he clearly knows his stuff. That out of the way…” I recast Disguise Self to match my physical form, and start shucking my clothes, “I am REALLY hard up from all these beautiful ladies strutting their stuff, and you two won't be putting any babies in me now… care to help a buddy out?” I run my fingers through my sopping wet lower lips.

“YES GODDESS!” They agree in unison… along with Adam.