A Painful Realisation

Message from the author:

If you like this story and find the financial strength to support me, it would mean a lot if you would do it here:

https://ko-fi.com/finn0815thewritingshark

I think it makes sense to start with Candice, as she is the leader of the group. Sonya coming in second is a surprise for me. It seems my ideas with the robot and the house are perhaps not as strange as I had previously assumed. And Rania coming in last gives me, if everything goes as planned, a good sackway for the future and the next chapters.

As for that, I will, which should come as no surprise, write a separate chapter for each girl. The idea of ​​getting all four in one chapter was stupid.

I also apologize that it took me an extra day to publish the chapter. Somehow I ran into big difficulties here and didn't want to rush the publication. I wanted too much in one chapter, I would say, and I held back a bit when it came to Candice's development. There's a lot going on in her head and I can't describe it all in one chapter.

From now on I will also be a little more free when I tell you about future plans. This should avoid the confusion we had before when it came to other models. Since Candica likes pain and humiliation, she will also seek this, of course only with Finn. But first she will try it alone because, as is well known, she does not value him very much. So Finn will eventually be her 'savior' when she doesn't get anywhere with her own methods. Like a child playing with a loaded gun. So if there is something in the next chapters that you find too harsh, consider two things. Firstly, you can communicate it so that I can adapt to my readers, and secondly, remember that Candice will cope better with her path under Finn's guidance than alone.

Thanks also to everyone who has been concerned about my health. This is a hereditary chronic illness that is partly related to my diet, as well as my body chemistry. Once a year, small crystals form in my ankles, toes and the top of my foot, which put pressure on the nerves and cause unbearable pain. I have medication for it, but it doesn't always work and then I get so much pain for a week that I can hardly think. Now everything is fine again and I'm more or less healthy again. Thank you for all the good wishes and I hope you are all doing well, both physically and mentally.

Now, please enjoy...

Chapter 41

“Argh!” Angrily I throw my gym bag into the far corner of my huge room and clench my hands into fists. Even the long drive through Manhattan to Tribeca didn’t help to numb my anger and the champagne I drank in my family's expensive car with the hired driver didn’t work either. I hate him, I keep thinking. I hate him so much. He will pay for this. I will crush him like a cockroach. Every court in the New York metropolitan area will sue this little freak for everything he has. I hate him. I will defeat him and humiliate him, just as he humiliated me.

“I hate him.” I look at my anger-distorted reflection in my mirror. I look terrible. Still better and more beautiful than everyone else, especially that worm Finn Lynchwood, but I look terrible for my dignified, elite occurrence. My face twitches as I straighten my hair, take a deep breath and try to curse him again. "I hate him." My face collapses.

Because, unlike my thoughts, my body is not able to fulfill the task I have given it. My voice does not sound angry, strong and reliable. And I do not see the confident, beautiful girl in the mirror.

My voice sounds uncertain and afraid. My body is slumped, my shoulders are drooping. My body shows what my head is still opposing.

I liked it.

"No!" I pick something up and throw it across the room. Then I hit the dresser in which some of my clothes are stored with all my strength.

"Miss Barber?" The voice of one of the maids comes under the heavy door of my room. "Is everything OK?"

"I don't want to be disturbed!" I scream as loudly and angrily as I have rarely done in my life. My throat hurts, maybe from screaming, maybe from that son of a bitch ra... using me. While the maid says nothing else, I collapse onto my huge, soft bed.

Fuck it, I decide. I'm going to call the police and have him shot!

I quickly reach into my purse, pull out my cell phone and...

My eyes fall to the floor and my hand, which is holding the cell phone, goes limp. I destroyed my hair straightener when I threw it across the room. The bottom end burst and broke while the two heated legs opened up as if in an silent scream.

"Fuck..." My voice hurts. "Fucking shit..." I feel like this fucking hair straightener, unable to scream, thrown against the wall as my body was thrown by this...

I should... I just want to...

What did I just want to do?

I am too stressed by this terrible situation and put my phone aside while I look at the broken device on the floor. The loss is not tragic. Only a few hundred dollars. I will have a new one tomorrow. Tonight, when I send my servants out.

I lean forward as if in a trance, stretching out my arm and picking up the broken hair care device.

Today... Yes, I am strong, but this... This was the worst day of my life.

My hands close tightly around the hair straightener, my teeth clench together and my lips turn white as my breathing becomes heavier.

I have been defeated. Dominated. Controlled.

I was ra... rap...

But much worse than being defeated, dominated and controlled is the shock of losing my pride.

Finn Lynchwood, until now just a side thought in my world, an insect that circles around me annoyingly and that I have kindly tolerated, has humiliated me. In front of my friends, the people who are beneath me. And he is even further beneath me! A worm! A cockroach! A piece of shit! A nobody who dared to come to me, to talk to me and...

"Hffff..." I hiss in pain as I feel the cold iron of the hair straightener on my nipple. Hard and merciless, it clamps the sensitive flesh of my breasts, presses my nipple out between them, into the clutches of my fingers that pull and tear at it. "Ffffuck..." I whimper and twist my face in pain.

It is not the humiliation in the volleyball garage that hurts me the most. It is not the blow job I gave him. It is not my pathetic begging. It is not my friends who watched me. It's not the ra... We all humiliated ourselves for him and somehow that is even... comforting.

No, it is this. It is this pain that shocks me the most.

Because I love it.

Without thinking, completely lost in my trance, I change sides and hiss again as I clamp my other nipple between the hair straightener and let my fingers flick the sensitive tip of my quivering nipple.

"Oh God..." I moan quietly. "Oh my God, no... please..." But it doesn't help. I feel the pressure, vibration and tickling in my lap, the pounding of blood in my clitoris and labia. I'm so horny, I can't believe it. Incredibly horny, in a haze that devours everything.

Something happened in that garage... No, even before that, when the volleyball was thrown into my chest.

Pain... Pain in my body... makes me horny...

And I'm more afraid of that than humiliating myself in front of Finn Lynchwood the maggot. He can't hurt me. I'm richer, more powerful, more beautiful, more intelligent and stronger than him. He is nothing and I am everything.

And yet here I am, on the bed, my shirt pulled up to my chin, and I inflict pain on myself in the hope that it will be even remotely as good as when Finn fucked me in my mouth. I need it, no matter where it comes from. Pain makes me hot and horny and in these incredibly humiliating experiences, I realized that I welcome it.

It's terrible... But I can't think about it. I lie on the bed and take my shirt off completely while unbuttoning my tight jeans. I've been dreaming about it for the last few days. It started after volleyball class with Finn, but until now I thought it was just the pleasure of pain, of humiliation. Something completely healthy, considering how powerful and wealthy I am, and it was only the fear of being discovered that held me back. Finn was just a distraction in the confusing time when I entered a new world. Finn wasn't important in finding my way. Finn was not the deciding factor in the realization that I seem to be developing a new kink for pain and humiliation.

But after today...

The feeling when he filled my mouth with his cock... When he controlled and directed me... When he inflicted pain on me... When he humiliated me...

I have never felt so good in my life.

And that is what makes me feel insecure and afraid.

But I have to accept it. I tried to resist my thoughts but my body is weak.

Finn Lynchwood, rat, maggot, disgrace of poor society... When I think of him, I have the strongest sexual feelings in my life.

"Mmmmmh..." A lonely tear runs down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away, then I lower my hands between my legs again and pump the hair straightener into my widened opening. It is cold and hard but my white vibrator lies unused under my bed. I prefer the uncomfortable feeling of the hair straightener penetrating me, stretching me, and the feel of its metal and plastic surface is so unfamiliar fo Finn and his brutal behavior that it makes me shudder. With the hair device fucking me I can retreat into the small part of my head that is devoid of thought or intelligence. There is only pain and pleasure.

The pain pushes me into a corner, constraining me, dull and throbbing in my nipples, the shame burning in my head, but my moans penetrate the room as I roll my head around, eyes tightly closed. I don't want the shame and the pain. And I want the shame and the pain.

I feel it. I can't get any closer to the experience I had in the garage of the club. I need it, the pain, the shame. I pursue it, look for it in my room, in my head.

"Oh God..." I moan in pleasure. "Stop... Candice... please stop..." But, just like Finn, I don't listen to myself. And, just like Finn, I welcome it. "Yes..." My hand pinches my clit, rolling it painfully between my fingers while the other hand pushes the metal and plastic rod into me, reddening my inner walls with friction. My whole body is already aching but I ignore it and concentrate on the warm feeling that is growing and growing. I have to reach it, the climax. Otherwise, everything will have been in vain. Not just my attempts to make me cum, but also the last few days and what I did today.

But it's no use. I feel so dirty and depraved fucking with a broken beauty product while I **** my nipples, but in the end, I come maybe two-thirds of the way, then it's like hitting an invisible wall, like it was before. Worse still. While I could almost climax before, now I'm hovering just before the feeling of having done it, the glorious feeling that comes when I drive to an orgasm. But now...

My feet twitch as they hit the floor, but I'm already standing upright. A shimmering film of sweat on my forehead, I walk through my large room and realize what I need in order to come.

The shame of having humiliated myself so much in front of Finn burns my soul and leaves dirty traces, but I know that this shame is not what will make me orgasm. And that's all that counts, my body is already starting to tremble with excitement.

It's easy for me to open the door to my room, I leave my pants behind and the only question is where I'm going to do it.

My mother is a successful real estate agent and my father works in the upper echelons of the city administration, both are rich and have to work long hours. Otherwise that's a good thing, because it gives me the opportunity to throw wild parties in the big apartment, but today is different. As soon as I leave my room I get goosebumps on my completely naked body. Quietly and carefully I scurry across the hallway and look around anxiously.

Afraid because I'm afraid of being seen.

And afraid because I'm afraid of not being seen.

Candice Barber. +4 (PS -73)

I have goosebumps because when the door to my room closes behind me it's as if I'm free. A lightness comes over me that's almost addictive. It's like I don't care about anything. We employ four maids here, three of them are on duty today and I hope they see me walking naked through our apartment, my nipples sore and the hair straightener dangling between my thighs, coated in pussy juice.

I have to hold it as I move and my free hand grips my breasts, squeezing the flesh and kneading them painfully while the fear mixes with the pain and shame like a ****. I want to cry but can only tremble and breathe as I hastily think of where in the house I can openly finger myself.

The answer comes quickly and my arousal keeps scratching at that damned limit that I push against no matter how much I **** my mind and body. Somewhere in the apartment a vacuum cleaner is being used but I turn to the elevator that leads directly down to the lobby and let myself fall onto the floor. Cool air tickles my hot skin and my knees hurt a little but I welcome the pain, crouch on the floor, looked at and humiliated. I was so proud, days ago I was the queen of the world... Today...

But the maddening throbbing between my legs makes me forget every thought of fear, shame and pain and only the longed-for hope of release remains.

My knees crumple the small carpet in front of the elevator as I spread my legs wide and bend my body. With my eyes closed, I start to fuck myself, paying no attention to my tormented nipples or my twitching clitoris. The hair straightener pushes itself mercilessly between my labia again and I breathe out in relief as I feel myself fighting harder and harder against the invisible wall that my head has imposed on me. Maybe this will finally help me clear my mind. I just have to concentrate on what's important.

"Yes... Yes..." I fuck myself faster and concentrate on my feelings, not just perceiving them but embracing them. And it works... almost...

I'm so ashamed of the deep fall that brought me to Finn's feet, the things I've done. I can still feel his disgusting cock on my tongue, can almost feel him widening and stretching my throat, hear his words in my ears and see him before my eyes. The worst moment of my life.

"Yes... Finn... Yes..."

But I don't fight the shame. My body is screaming for release. I can't take it anymore. I need to come so badly, it's maddening. The dreams, the fruitless attempts to come, the experiences with Finn.

"Finn..."

But I have to accept it. I'm crazy. A crazy person who needs pain, shame and humiliation to come.

"Finn... YES!" My legs twitch and I drip onto the floor between my legs. The carpet has slipped and the maids will find the traces of my ****... if I don't hurry, me too...

But I don't come... It's painful, but I can't do it.

"I'll become crazy..." I giggle, not caring that someone might hear me. Maybe that would help me come. But I only see him in my mind's eye anyway. He looks down on me, judging and disappointed. In my mind I look up at him, open my mouth, stick out my tongue, do it in reality on the floor in my apartment, and hope that he fucks me. I must seem so inhuman, stretching my tongue to an invisible cock for sweet release while pumping a makeshift dildo in my twat. It's disgusting. I'm disgusting. But he just stands there, grinning evilly at me, superior, big and powerful, and I know that I've lost. He doesn't have to say it, I know it anyway, just like everyone who knows me or him.

It's a punishment, I finally realize and hang my head.

Candice Barber. +8 (PS -65)

My hands are still pressing the hair straightener between my legs, but in my haze, I see Finn standing in front of me and that's all that counts.

I need Finn to be free.

Candice Barber. +8 (PS -57)

It's the only solution. For a long time I resisted the idea that I could change so horribly, but now, naked in front of the elevator door that's about to ring, legs spread and the black cord of the hair straightener around me like a noose around a mouse, I understand that it's useless to even embrace the realization that I'm a pain addict whore. I hate myself for it... but...

I deserve him to treat me like that.

Candice Barber. +6 (PS -51)

And with that I let my hands fall as the strength leaves my body. With an animalistic groan I feel the hair straightener slip out of my pussy and fall to the floor with a loud bang, then I feel the cold of the ground on my naked ass as I sink onto my back.

"Fuck... Finn... Please..." I fight it one last time, but as so often recently, I lose. "I need you... to... forgive me..."

I stretch my head and see, the world upside down, the feet of one of the servants in the distance. Her surprised eyes stare at my naked, battered body, the vacuum cleaner in her hands. Then she quickly turns away from me, pretending she hasn't seen anything, but I don't care. I feel the warm shiver of excitement wash over me as I realize that the woman has been watching me in all my degrading lust, it feels terrible and I want to flee, but I stay lying there, breathing quietly and feeling with regret how the lust leaves my body, the threshold sinks and finally disappears, leaving me unsatisfied and sad.

Finally, I get up, clumsily and swaying, and slink back into my room, forgetting the hair straightener, which is left wet and broken in the entrance area.

'Hey Finn.' My fingers tremble as they move over the screen of my cell phone. What if he doesn't answer me? What if...'Candice? What do you want from me, you stupid bitch?' That happened quickly, almost as if he had been waiting for me. But I can't worry about that, my free hand is already wandering between my legs again.

It's the only option my overheated brain can come up with. I have to apologize to him to get rid of the constipation that is currently plaguing me. If he forgives me, maybe I'll feel better. That's the only thing that makes any sense. I have to atone for my actions, then I'll be normal again.

And Finn, as much as I hate to admit it, is the only one I have treated so much, so often and so meanly recently. Yes, if I apologize to him, if I stay close to him, show him that he can control me... for a short period of time... then everything will be normal and fair again.

'Can we talk?'

'WTF?'

"Fuck... Please..." My fingers penetrate me and wet noises emerge from between my legs. Here we go again.

'I know you're angry with me. And you have every right to be. But can we talk? Please? I want to apologize.'

"Oh God please... please..." My desire rises again. Why do I keep fingering myself? How crazy am I? Please Finn, please let me apologize to you.

'Okay.'

"Oh God, thank you!"

Without answering him, I let myself fall into the pillows of my bed and breathe a sigh of relief. I close my eyes and block out the events of this day, concentrate on the future and try not to think about what will happen to me if Finn doesn't forgive me.

Now everything will be fine, normal, right.

(Personal and important) Message from the author:

At the end of this chapter I have an important announcement to make. Some of you may know that I have bought a website with my other stories here where I make chapters available earlier. I do this for free, but I also offer people the option of paying me for even more special access once the chapters are finished. These are usually chapters with a length of 1000 words that I can write, translate, correct and post in two to three hours without any problems.

This website is not doing well and costs me €136 a year and I have not been able to recoup these expenses with voluntary donations. This is certainly because I do not always have the heart to block people's access again after a set period of time, but also because of the inconvenience of paying via PayPal. I suspect that is the case. I don't want to say that my readers don't pay me enough, or that my stories are too bad. It could be these reasons or others that I can't realize. In any case, I have now decided to simplify my career a bit. I will close the website and only use CHYOA and a free Dropbox account.

I wrote Mind Control Device out of frustration at losing money with a hobby that I wanted to make my job, or at least a hobby that makes me money, and the journey with you has been incredibly satisfying so far, because I only had to concentrate on CHYOA every day and not four other things. A chapter of 4000 words means about five to eight hours of work for me and basically every free minute of my day is spent on this hobby that fills me with a lot of self-confidence and joy. Your comments are the most important part of this experience, be it the established readers who also read my other stories or the new readers who don't miss a new chapter. Every new chapter gets around 1000 views in two to three days and I don't think there is a story that has as many bookmarks as this one.

What's coming in the future?

First of all, I WILL finish this story. Don't worry about that.

And I don't lack motivation, inspiration or energy. (Okay, after the illness, I don't have as much energy, but that will come back).

But I also have other stories, I want to keep my promises to other readers and I have to delete the website and migrate my chapters to CHYOA. I also have to figure out how to make it even easier for people to donate money to me voluntarily so that I can rule out that this is the reason why I don't earn as much as I would like.

In the end it will come down to this.

I will make Mind Control Device my flagship. The USS Gerald R. Ford, so to speak. (US Navy Supercarrier, for those who don't understand my ramblings). But I will also have to delay posting so that I have more time to plan and execute other projects.

As for the money, all of my chapters will continue to be available to read voluntarily on CHYOA. The atmosphere here, the people, moderators and owners of the site are all so warm-hearted and they, some of the authors here and especially my readers have got me through the hardest three years of my life. From the **** of my father, the **** of my stepfather, the **** of my dog, the **** of my other dog, the trip to the USA, entering into a relationship with the love of my life, breaking up with the love of my life's, living with the love of my life's friend, reporting the credit card fraud of the love of my life's friend who stole a bunch of money from me, CHYOA and my readers have been a constant in my life that has helped me to overcome the worst and best moments of my life and that is why I will always make access to every word I write free.

However, since my hobby is not enough to finance the website alone and I could use some money on the site anyway (like all of us here, I would say), from now on I will leave it up to my readers (first of all from this story alone) to decide how many posts they want per month. In the next few days I will set a goal on Ko-Fi (which is easier than PayPal or Patreon) of how much I need to post another chapter every week. The first will be free as always, and each subsequent chapter will depend on the combined strength of my readers. I still have to think about the price, but I will definitely think about sharing the price between several people so that it will be a team task, and all of this is voluntary, of course.

I am also planning to set up a YouTube channel. I will not advertise it here, it is in German anyway, but based on my experience so far it has a better chance of bringing in money and if it doesn't work out here, then of course I will need my time to earn my money this way.

I hope you understand the changes and hope that I don't give the impression that I want to influence you. I have thought about these steps for a long time and only want to inform, not recruit. But you should also be informed about what will happen in the future and I hope that I have achieved that.

As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this step and will make a few changes in the next few days. I already have most of the chapter with Sonya in my head and if everything goes as I hope, I'll be able to write it soon. That's what I want.

Fly safe you all and stay happy.