A Lair.

She looked at the crystal the Orc Woodcutter held up, a Claimant Crystal. More importantly it was a second Claimant Crystal. She needed a lair to expand her territory to include her tree, needed to claim the grove to build a tree house, that sounded like she needed two crystals, and now there were two crystals.

“HA,” she yelled to the sky, “Fuck you! You miserable Snacker-loving gods!”

Then it hit her, this Orc had the crystal, he opened the bag, he looted it. It wasn’t hers, at least not yet.

She flitted over near the Orc, looking as fluttery and gorgeous as she could.

“Hey there, Mr. Woodcutter.” She said, as nicely and invitingly as she could.

“Me?” The dumb brute responded.

Yeah you, you fucking Crystal stealing imbecile! Is what she wanted to say.

“Mmhm.” She responded sweetly, swinging her hips and giving a pouty look.

“What you want?” It said, looking like it expended half of its brain cells just to get those few words out.

“What is a big, strong, beefy guy like you going to do with that crystal?”

He looked confused. The idiot was too stupid to be seduced, even by something as beautiful as her. She didn’t deserve this; she deserved to be handed that crystal while the miserable brute groveled at her feet, begging her to take it. She was a gorgeous fey goddess, daughter of the Fairy Queen, destined to rule this land, and this ignorant woodcutter was holding her crystal.

She pointed to the crystal.

“You give shiny rock to me?” She said it slow and clear so the idiot would understand.

He recoiled, clutching her Claimant Crystal to his chest. She could try to kill him, but she wasn’t sure he would drop loot, the Snackers dropped loot when she killed them, she got hides and teeth, the worthless shit the players hunted them for. But she wasn’t sure she could get the crystal from the orc that way and she didn’t want to risk it.

“Trade?” she asked.

He looked confused again.

“I give you gift, you give me Crystal.” How fucking stupid was this thing?

The Orc Woodcutter looked at the crystal, looked at her, then looked puzzled.

She spoke loud and slow. “What do you want?”

It looked around. She suppressed a scream.

“I like wood, pretty wood.” It said, pointing at a tree, one of her trees, her cherry trees in her fairy glade. They weren't items, she couldn't trade them and she couldn't give him land. But it was probably too stupid to understand that.

“You like this tree?” She said, flying over to a tree far away from the tree she planned to put her treehouse in.

“I like.” He said. She prayed there wasn’t some system the gods had put in place to prevent stupid orcs from being swindled.

“You give me crystal, I give you tree.”

“Yes?” He asked.

“Yes.” She answered.

The Orc held out the Claimant Crystal.

She took it.

The orc pointed to the tree.

“Mine?” it asked.

“Yeah, sure." She answered. "It's yours. Have fun.”

The stupid brute went over and gently touched the tree, then hugged it. She didn’t want to know what he was going to do with that tree next, besides; she had business to take care of.

She stretched her now-healed wings and lifted off, it felt good to fly again. She took a moment to curse the fire mage, if she ever saw that thing again she’d torture it for days. But that was for later, for now she had to do something disgusting.

Claimant Crystal Used
Claim this cave for you Lair?

“Yeah, cause you won’t let me claim someplace proper you fucking dipshits!” she yelled at the sky.

Land Claimed by
Error: Unnamed_Creature
Process Paused

The fuck? There was another prompt as well.

Please Name Character

What? She thought for a second. She didn’t have a name. She couldn’t remember ever having a name, she was the daughter of the Fairy Queen and she didn’t have a name. Wait, that was wrong, she was the fairy of this glade, that Fairy Queen nonsense wasn’t real, the gods wrote that into her backstory, but it wasn’t true, she couldn’t forget that.

She thought for a minute. A name for the fairy of this beautiful glade. . .

She thought of players, they had names like DanTheStudmuffin, TimJohnson1337, PopYoCherry6969. . . Would she need a name like that? The numbers felt stupid, she was better than that.

She looked around her grove and settled on her name, if she was the fairy of this glade of cherry trees, it made sense.

She spoke her name out loud, it sounded lovely.

Land Claimed by Cherry Fairy
Claim type:
Fey Lair
Resources detected:
Natural Features detected:
Water Spring
Add resources to stockpile?

She had a tiny inventory with some supplies in it, apparently now she could store things in her cave, her Lair.

“Ugh, no thanks.” She said aloud, the whole point of this was to never have to go in the cave again. She just wanted a treehouse that she could decorate and wake up in.

She walked back to her tree, gave only a cursory glance to the Orc Woodcutter who appeared to be cuddling with his tree and crying? By the rainbow she couldn’t wait for something to come kill him. She didn’t feel it was right for her to do it. She had traded for the crystal, it felt like it would be mean to kill him now.

She flew up into her tree and danced with anticipation as she punched the bark, just like last time.

Build Fairy Treehouse?

“Hell YES!” she yelled.

You have not claimed this land, you cannot build here. To claim land, use Claimant Crystal
Use Claimant Crystal?

“This thing is almost as dumb as that fucking Orc.” She muttered. “Yes I want to use the stupid Crystal.”

Insufficient Lair to expand territory, level 3 lair required.

She stared at the message for a moment, her cheeks getting hotter every second.

“THE FUCKING HELL! YOU MEAN I HAVE TO BUILD UP THAT DAMNED CAVE FIRST?”