your day off

You run around the house naked awhile, hunting down a decent fragrance to slap on, then go to get your shorts on, only to be interrupted by a ringing, whereupon you potter around some more trying to locate your cell phone.

"Hi! Listen, you know those storms last night? We had what they call a microburst down here at the store last night, but damned if it isn't as if a tornado ripped through here. Anyway, I'm just calling to let everyone know, I have no idea when this place will be back up to speed. Till I know, you all have time off."

You're disappointed, as you were psyched up to go in and earn something. Still, it's time off, so you get dressed, have a quick breakfast, and then relax with your morning paper.

You are intrigued by a knocking at the door. Answering it, you are pleased to see your next door neighbor, Mrs. Barnes. She's standing there with another neighbor from several houses away you're not so familiar with, a Mrs. Brown. They are both shy of 40 but they look fabulous, if not in fact downright sexy.

"Good morning!" greets Mrs. Barnes. "Listen, do you mind if we come in for just a minute?"

You ask them what's their pleasure, and soon you bring out three cold beers to the living room. "So is anything wrong?"

"Yes, well, about half an hour ago Mrs. Brown was over at my house, and we were talking, and going around the house, and we saw you naked through the window."

"Did you? Really?" You wrack your mind, and then it hits you. "Of course. I was running around naked for a while, and there was this one window which must have been open. The thing is, I always thought that window was across from a window of yours that was permanently shut and shuttered. I guess I assumed wrong. Listen, I'm so very sorry, I'll never do it again."

"Oh, it's a simple mistake, it could have happened to anyone," Mrs. Barnes assured sunnily.

Mrs. Brown spoke up. "Do you realize that you have an extremely large penis?"

That slowed down your beer drinking. "Uh ... well ... you know, I've never really bothered to ... compare it." Liar!

"Your penis is really huge," Mrs. Brown assured him.

"I think what concerns us," said Mrs. Barnes, "is whether you're seeing any girlfriends. Are you?"

"Well, no. I've been abstaining, until just now. I turned eighteen yesterday."

"Yes, I think I remember you mentioning your birthday once. All that Mrs. Brown and I are saying is that we hope you'll be sensitive and gentle with any lady friends of yours. Not every woman can take one that's as big as yours."

"That's ... very considerate. I'll take your advice."

Mrs. Brown's smile broadened. "We can help you, you know."

"Yes." Mrs. Brown stood up, as did Mrs. Barnes. "We can help teach you the proper way that you need to make love to a woman."

You look on blankly as Mrs. Barnes and Mrs. Brown quickly slip off their dresses and stand there in your living room in lacy black lingerie.

"That is, if you're willing to learn," said Mrs. Barnes with a grand smile.