...with something important.

"You know what I wouldn't hate," Weasel asked, pretty obviously on his way to being annoyed with the conversation. Before I had the chance to tell him I didn't care, he continued. "A drink. Got anything liquid around here you'd be willing to give a poor, thirsty intruder?"

Jolene looked around her room, but didn't seem to find what she wanted. "uh, yeah, I found a weird energy drink earlier. I chugged most of it, but you can have what's left. if you can find it. It's in an orange can with 'Agent Whore-ange' on it." Weasel cocked an eyebrow but was too thirsty to question it verbally. I wasn't.

"Weird name for...pretty much anything," I said. Jolene shrugged.

"I guess it's like energy drinks called 'Cocaine' or 'Pussy' or 'Wolf-Fisting' or something. Just some nonsense that sounds 'edgy'."

"that's so stupid," Weasel muttered. I hate to admit it, but I kind of agreed. "Could you be just a smidgen more specific with its location?"

"On my desk, probably."

Something felt off about this. Not just because Weasel was willing to drink the fluid equivalent of table scraps, but something else. "What do you mean, you 'found' it," I asked.

"Outside my door," she clarified. "There was a can of it on the floor with a little card that said the school was a test market."

Seemed reasonable, I guessed. It might have been a little strange that they would pick this school, specifically, not the town around it, but then again, they did call their drink 'Agent Whore-ange'. ...and they passed it out in a girls' school.

...full of students who would never let a name like that go without lambasting it online. Which means I should have heard of it, from Stephanie if nowhere else.

I joined Weasel in his search for this phantom can, finding it peeking out from behind a stack of books and grabbing it before he could. I examined the can, running a finger over the top and moving the tab when I needed to. come on, Geezer, you already betrayed the rest of us. don't be this guy, too...

"Were there any other cans around," I asked. "In the hall or trashcans?"

"Well, I don't really make it a habit to take inventory of the trash, but no, this is the only can I...saw..." She had a look of dawning 'I should be worried' on her face and I assume I did, too. "You don't think..." Just as she started to say what we were both thinking, it stopped being a possibility and became a fact. "You found it, didn't you?" I nodded.

A tiny little pinhole just under where the tab was attached to the can. Probably from a syringe. "you mean what caused your unusual arousal? yeah. i think i did."

"What? Are you suggesting that Neil drugged a drink and gave it to your still-unnamed nurse friend," Weasel asked skeptically. "Why? Why her? Why would the headmaster of this school use such a pedestrian plan?"

"To get me to fuck her," I started, wishing I'd done so more tactfully when I caught a glimpse of Jolene's slightly offended reaction. "Sorry, I'm not as polite as I could be when my mind is working things out. He needed someone to...invite me to have sex with her so he could say she was a minor. To scare me and put me off balance, probably. Make me slip up and be easier to catch. Other than taking showers at the right time, I don't think it needed to be her. It could've been anyone."

"Dude, come on," Jolene said. She was really starting to not like my careless wording, making me suddenly appreciative of how thick-skinned my team had been.

"It means you weren't targeted," Weasel said. I guess he can be useful sometimes. "Neil has nothing against you, yours just happened to be the door he picked. If you end up turning us in, you'll probably get off scott-free." Luckily, Jolene would almost certainly ignore a plan so moronically given.

"It's becoming more tempting with every word," she said, turning from Weasel back to me. I really need to watch myself. Which was a problem, considering what I believed was the next answer.

"Right. And good ol' Neil most likely thought you wouldn't suspect anything like this because, who would want to hurt you?" She didn't say anything, so that must not have been too insulting. I looked back at her and...yeah, that's a frown. "Look, I really don't think you're dumb or useless or anything like that. Just going to school here means you're either smart enough to pass the entrance exams or clever enough to get away with cheating on them." That went over surprisingly well. "Plus, you did kinda save my ass before. So, I'm not saying you're not smart. It's just easy to get hit by a sniper if you don't know you're in a war zone, that's all."

"Well, there was some flattery in there, and I appreciate you coming up with an analogy for it, so I guess it's fine," Jolene said, probably sincerely. Partly?

"But he knows whose dorm this is, right," Weasel asked. Jolene nodded, already knowing where he was going with this. "And if he saw you escape with...your patient...he'll expect you to either help his efforts to track him down, or..."

"...or he'll keep screwing things up for me and this time, it won't be by chance," she sighed, then turned to me. "jesus, i can't get expelled. especially not for getting caught having sex in the locker room with a sneaky pervert, no offense."

I shrugged. "Eh, it's who I am, why deny it? I'm a sneaky pervert, you're a sexy genius, Weasel gives people suggestions he probably shouldn't." I glared at him for a second. "Embrace what makes you special, and all that Care Bears crap. ...look, I can't promise you won't take some heat for this." Jolene somehow raised an eyebrow and looked discouraged at the same time. "But Neil just turned on someone he's gone sneaking with for years and he was thrilled to do it. He'd think nothing of kicking you out anyway, just to make sure you don't tell anyone about the drink and everything after. There's a chance he'll do it either way. But if you're going down, you might as well go down helping the good guys."

Weasel snickered and Jolene just barely kept her eyes unrolled. "I know guys like the occasional glimpse of naked girls. I'm sure you're here for the thrill of the infiltration as much as the nudity. I even believe that you wouldn't have had sex with me if I hadn't been so...forward about it. But please, can you not pretend you're a hero?"

"fair enough." I guess now that whatever Neil gave her and the excitement had thinned out, the honeymoon was over. No, the whole situation must have been weighing on her. She's had an eventful hour or so, to say the least. Putting her sour mood entirely on her wasn't fair. "How about helping the guy who made you feel good and his, uh...pal?"

"Associate," Weasel corrected. Even that didn't seem to sit well with him.

Jolene was quiet for a moment, then shook her head again. "why does peeping have to come with lies and betrayal? And innocent bystanders being caught up in them?" Another beat of quiet. "What's our plan?"

You know what I wouldn't hate? That question being much less hard than it is.