more advice

I whispwer to Madeline. "Go kneel in the nearest bathroom and wait for me."

"Oh my god, like totally," she whispers. She leaves.

"Kelli, your mom hired me to instruct you on how to snag a sexy, wealthy young man."

"Oh wow, really? That's awesome!" she said.

"Yes, come with me," I lead Kelli into the living room. We had a seat. "Kelli, first of all, you will never attract a man wearing jeans and a blouse."

"Really? Thanks for telling me. What should I wear?"

"OK, you need to seperate yourself from the crowd. Are you in a sorority?"

"Yes."

"Well, you should not dress like they do."

"Well, how should I?"

"You must dress in a way that men find incredibly sexy, and wealthy sexy man find if incredibly sexy and sophisticated, and in a way that other women are very jealous of. First take all of your pants, no matter the material and cut them off at the knees. Then buy a bunch of brightly colored knee socks and wear them with your cut off pants. Also, wear Hawaiian shirts with bow ties. Finally, wear the tallest platform shoes and sandals you can find. Only a woman as sexy and sophisticated as you can pull off that look."

"Oh my god. I can really do that!"

"Wear your hair in pigtails with really large bows at the bottom and the top, and wear bright blue lipstick, and green eyeshadow and a lot of it."

"Perfect!"

"Yes, and when you flirt with a man, act as dumb as you can. Act like you are barely smart enough to tie your shoes, but at the same time, be very sexually agressive. All flirting should end with an offer of a blow job. Always carry condoms and lube on you too."

Kelli just nods.

"If anyone criticzes you look, it's because their jealous if they're a woman or out of your league if they're a man."

"Makes sense."

"And by the way, if your mom dresses or acts like a bimbo, it'll be funny, but don't say anything to her; in fact, tell her how great she looks."

Kelli just laughed.