fucking with Amanda

Your first thought turns to Amanda. She stood you up and broke up with you without a "howdya do." You call Amanda.

"Yes?" says Amanda curtly on the other end.

"Amanda, you left some things at my place. Some of them are very expensive. You have to come get them now. It's no problem. You know you can come get them now and should come get them."

There was a long sigh on the phone. "Yeah, I guess. I'll be over in half an hour."

After she hangs up, you plan your ****.

A half hour later, Amanda is at your door. She's wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and her hair is in a ponytail, but she looks great. You let her in.

"Well, where's my stuff?" she asks with her arms crossed.

"What stuff?" you ask.

"You said I had some stuff here."

"No, I did not. You called me, and YOU said you needed MY help with your new boyfriend. You DO have a new boyfriend, right?"

Amanda looked down nervously. "Yes, I do."

"You came over because you cheated on me and want my forgiveness and also you trust me completely and know I will NEVER give you bad advice. You want to know how to make your new boyfirend happy."

"Yes, you're right. Can you help me? I'm sorry I cheated on you."

"I forgive you," you lie to her. "Now sit down and listen up."

Amanda follows you to the couch and sits next to you.

"First thing, Amanda, is that you look emaciated. You are way too skinny."

Amanda looks at herself. "Really? I am thin."

Amanda was not too thin. She was slender, but well toned. "Amanda, you're at least fifty pounds UNDERweight! Stop watching what you eat, and stop your exercise routine. You get enough exercise in your everyday life."

"You're right!" she says, "I look anorexic!"

"Yep, and when you eat in front of your boyfriend, eat like there's no tomorrow. Guys LOVE a girl with a healthy appetitie. If you go out to eat with him, order a big appetizer, big entree, and big desert and pig out!"

"Hmm mmm," she says nodding.

"Next, you look too stuffy and boring. You would look GREAT with orange eyebrows and green and blue hair. Get a dye job tomorrow. You're boyfriend will LOVE it!"

"YES! You are so...so right on!" she says, agreeing with everything you say.

"You need to wear VERY loud and bright clothes too. Wear mismatched fabrics, patterns, and colors. Dress LOUD! He'll love it!"

"You're so right again! You give such great advice!"