existentialism ... and comparing lives

"People are fascinating," said Abbie.

Jake took a sip of his drink. "I think you're fascinating. I'm fascinated by how fascinating you are."

"Oh, Jake. I'm serious." Abbie kept scanning the room. "Watching everyone here, I'm so intrigued by how different everyone's lives are."

"Yeah ..." Jake said idly. "Actually, what do you mean?"

Abbie smiled. "Okay, just on a simple level, take you and me. We grew up in different places, different types of families, went to different schools. Our possible paths through life are infinite, with unpredictable choices at every turn."

"And yet here we are together."

"Right!" Abbie lit up. "In spite of all the different things, we wound up working at the same office. We wound up getting to know each other ... in lots of exciting ways."

"And some people start in very similar places, but branch off, as you put it, unpredictably," offered Jake.

"That's also true. Think about all the people we're going to meet here today and at the wedding tomorrow. We're going to hang out, socialize, party together -- and then, what, maybe not see most of them ever again?" Abbie shook her head in wonder.

Jake smiled. "We might."

"Sure, we might. But think -- when was the last time you saw Staci?"

Jake considered it. "It's been a while. You're right."

"Ah, but!" said Abbie excitedly. "Wedding photos. Staci and Phil will look back at wedding photos and see pictures. Just think -- they might see me, for example, and maybe several years from now, they won't have any recollection of who I was, but I'll still be in their wedding photo."

Jake chuckled. "This is getting deep. Isn't it too early for this kind of heavy life talk?"

Abbie sneered at him. "It's always the right time for heavy life talk." She looked around the room again. "You know how strongly I feel about making connections with people. True and pure human-to-human connection is always real, always ****, and always valuable."

Jake nodded. "Do you seek it out, these moments of connection, or just roll with whatever live gives you?"

"Mm, good question." Abbie mulled it over. "I think I roll with it. I think I'm easily receptive to it, and my radar is always on. And because I'll gladly do whatever anyone asks me to do, I manage to roll, and without any real stumbles or complications."

"Wait, so ... Look, when I try to go with whatever is happening, I inevitably stumble and screw up, or get frustrated or disappointed, or whatever." Jake leaned toward her, taking the conversation more sincerely. "Is that because I'm too selective about what I do and who I talk to?"

"That's quite a leap, but ... maybe?" Abbie considered the notion. "Maybe because you're selective, you find yourself setting biased expectations on outcome, falsely conflating your desired consequence with an array of what is likely to happen."

Jake shook his head. "The beer has made me fuzzy. And I think you're talking over my head."

Abbie laughed. "If your expectation is to willingly accept and appreciate the inevitable reality of whatever happens, you can't possibly be disappointed -- and even better, you'll find the outcome to be better than you imagined. There will always be a new discovery, something you haven't thought of or seen before."

"What about totally basic things? What if I make you scrambled eggs for breakfast? Surely you've had scrambled eggs before."

"Yes, I have," said Abbie. "Lots of times. But you've never made them for me. So the first time that happens, there will be a great number of new things to consider. What's your cooking method? What do your plates look like? What inspired you to cook me breakfast? So many delightful things to wonder about and look forward to exploring."

"I'm a terrible cook. And my plates are ... blue, I think." Jake turned away, trying to remember what his kitchen looked like.

Abbie giggled. "I assure you, if you ever find yourself in a situation where you're making me breakfast at your house, enough wonderful things will have happened to get us there that the eggs will be delicious."

Jake chuckled. He looked at the table, and noticing that they'd both finished most of their lunch, he said, "You want to ... go exploring? Especially since we both know that wherever we go, it's going to be an adventure?"

Abbie leaned over and kissed Jake on the cheek, surprising him. "Sure!"