You nervously squeak: yes.

“I’m ready, Charlotte,” I nervously squeak.

“I’m ready, Charlotte,” Charlotte mocks. “It’s Captain. Remember it, freshman, or you’ll be swimming penalty laps with Isabella.”

I make a mental note. Got it, Captain.

“Now let’s try again,” the Captain shouts in a booming voice, “Are you girls ready to join the team?”

“I’m ready, Captain!” the three of us reply in unison.

“Perfect. Looks like we’ve got a great group this year, don’t we girls?”

The senior girls fill the room with giggling and laughter and they all confirm, yes, we look like a good group.

“They’re so cute. Oh, to be a first-year again,” one of the senior girls says with a whimsical sigh.

“Now listen up, kids. You’re here because you impressed me, and I don’t say that lightly. With hard work and my training, I have no doubt, you’ll make the school proud. But before we make your status official, I’m going to need one more thing from you,” the Captain says.

I start to get knots in my stomach. I’m starting to think maybe Isabella was right.

“Oh, don’t look so glum, Kelsi,” the Captain continues. My legs quiver. “We’re here to have some fun and break the ice. We’re going to do a team bonding exercise.”

Oh, that doesn’t sound so bad.

“So, get yourselves ready, because you’re about to compete in the annual UofT Swim Team’s Sexy Banana Eating Contest!” the Captain shouts.

Uh, what? Honestly, if that’s not the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.

“A sexy banana eating contest?” Julie says deadpan, and I echo her sentiment, but her words are drowned out by the cheering of the senior girls.

Woohoo, yeah baby, I love this contest, can’t wait to see what these girls can do, my favorite event of the year! I see them excitedly pointing at us and I get the impression they’re making bets on who they think will win the contest. Or lose it. Well, honestly, when I heard Isabella talking earlier, I was thinking of something worse than this. Like, okay, I’m not exactly enthused about eating a banana all sexy-like, but when I hear the word hazing, I think of things like streaking or knocking on the doors of strangers in my underwear.

“Now before you get up on that podium and try to half ass it, I’d like to strongly encourage you to treat this exercise as seriously as any other swim meet. But in case my warning isn’t enough, as an extra incentive, whoever gets voted as the worst sexy banana eater will be tickled mercilessly by my lovely compatriots here,” Charlotte says.

I can see the delightful glee in the eyes of the senior girls and I’m starting to get cold feet.