You get a bulbasaur

On your 18th birthday you walk right into prof. oak’s office, today you are a man and all of your training and study will pay off today when you get a pokemon and enter the world to become a pokemon master. you walk up to oak.

Oak: Oh... hi Bruce, um what are you doing here

you: I am here to get a pokemon and become a master

Oak: ... Really? my grandson and that psyco Ash left like 7 years ago
you: WHAT

Oak: Yea, they have been fighting for mastery for years, Ash keeps nearly killing Gary but i didn't use operational conditioning on him for 13 years to be a quitter. so you want a pokemon, well take bulbasaur, I think all those years waiting on your slow ass has made him crazy but he is **** to please.

you: Don’t I get a choice?

Oak: You are 7 years late what do you want from me, those other ingrates I sent out never send research subjects despite the fact they each have one of every single one. Fuck they even have shiny ones, I don’t even know what that means because there reports are bullshit.

you: But can I still be a master?

Oak: My grandson is the finest tactician brainwashing can make and the Ash kid is some kind of idiot savant, and each of them has over a hundred monsters that could eat you alive and you have a mentally ill bulbasaur.

you: ... So no then.

Oak: yea I would try a different goal.

you: Well ok I can deal with that, what kinds of stuff can bulbasaur do?

Oak: Poisons, and tentacle attacks mostly.

you: what kind of poison?

oak: oh all kinds. All of the cides, poisons for killing things selectively or not even microorganisms and sperm. also variety of chemicals that affect the mind and body, paralytics and hallucinogens, stimulants and depressants, even aphrodisiacs.