You fight to subdue Beast Beauty before she can destroy the evidence.

You stare at the cheerful shape-shifting woman splashing out the rest of the gasoline. "You still have Red Balloon her your team, right? I'm actually totes a fan of hers!" Beast Beauty says excitably. "No doubt, we've got some disagreements here and there! But at least she's not, like, a total femi-nazi like that confused freak who does the snow!"

Dr. Rainbow covers her ears. "Oh, dear! Miss Beauty? Please don't use language like that! This has been a very emotionally trying day for me and Thunderbird both!"

Beauty tosses away the jerrycan and dusts her hands off. "That girl is, and I'm being super sincere when I say this, wack as fuck. If even a total chad like Green Streak couldn't bang some sense into her, she's a total lost cause! Like, doesn't she understand that gender is totally the most important thing in society? You can't just be crossing those wires, y'all!"

Beast Beauty gesticulates excitably as she speaks: "I bet Snowflake is messed up like that because her parents gave her toy trucks instead of baby dolls! Someday she's gonna regret all of this look-at-me, I'm-so-special-I-have-to-have-my-own-gender-identity thing when she's over 30 and childless!"

Even though you know you should stay focused, you can't help but take the bait: "Beast Beauty, YOU drive a truck! A literal monster truck! I've fucking seen it!" you say.

"Well yeah, but only to show that I'm not like all the other girls." Beast Beauty shrugs with a carefree smile.

"And you're a 32 year old bachelorette with no kids!" You can't even manage to sound angry - your tone is just sheer disbelief at the audacity this heroine lives and breathes.

"Whoah, man! I'm not on trial here!" Beast Beauty puts her hands up. "I was taking your side, Thunderbird! I thought you'd be totally sick of her by now. I'm like, your mentor, remember? I'm trying to teach you the way. Hey, do me a solid, would you? Grab this degenerate pornographer and toss him in a cell. I'm just about to foil his deep state scheme!" As she speaks, she goes over to one of the desks and grabs a lighter.

Suddenly you realize that you're getting distracted. "Oh, shit!" You don't know if she's trolling you on purpose as a tactic or if she just does it effortlessly, but you have to spring into action to grab the lighter out of her hand. Beauty flinches in genuine surprise and doesn't stop you from grabbing it as you dramatically backflip away.

Beast Beauty starts... laughing. Laughing for quite a long time and shaking her head.

Just as you put your hand on your hip in annoyance, Beast Beauty looks at you and gives you a goofy grin that manages to look very condescending. "For reals? I mean, are you actually FOR REALS with this, Thunderbird? Hahahahahaha! You got SO addicted to pr0n," she pronounces it like 'prawn', "that you're reacting to seeing it destroyed like a doggie bitch having her food taken away? Wowzers! I am totally gonna be doing you a favor with this. C'mon, gimme the lighter back."

You press a button on the gauntlet on your wrist. 'Julia', you say silently using your powers, 'you're in contact, right?'

'Of course I am! It sounds like you've got a big problem there. I've been trying to find out why Beast Beauty would be trying to do this all of a sudden, or who-'

You cut Julia off. Beast Beauty is rambling about something but you don't know how long that will last. 'There's no time for asking questions. I need you to tell me how to fight her. She's gonna see it coming if I fall back on the eyeball trick again.'

'Oh... damn. Okay. Uh. Shit, these are classified. Buy as much time as you can, I'll try to get her threat assessment.' Julia says from over your wireless connection.

"...and so when the beetle sees the beer bottle, it tries to mate with the beer bottle instead of seeking out actual mates! Do you understand what I'm saying here, Thunderbird?" Beast Beauty asks. She's stepping closer. Not good - you've never actually seen her fight, but if she was on the Big 7, her power is probably more dangerous than it seems.

"Okay, sure, I get you think pornography is bad but this is the League's official records! Why are you trying to burn it? Didn't you JUST get back onto the Big 7 after being kicked off for letting a fucking bacon-themed supervillian steal La Petite Mort's secret science shit because you were FUCKING him?" you raise your hands as you harangue her and flex your fingers as if you're about to start tearing your hair out.

"THAT'S where you're wrong, Bird Sis!" Beast Beauty waggles her index finger at you tauntingly. "I just ferreted out the truth! Our acting leader told me that some bad bizness was going down up here, so I came up to nose around..."

"By which you mean you were an actual ferret, right?" you cock your head to the side condescendingly.

By way of reply, Beast Beauty flashes a smile and gives you two thumbs up. "Heck yeah I was!"

Dr. Rainbow, who'd been silent so far, clasps her hand together. "Awwww! What a cute way to spy on someone!"

Beauty continues: "Anyway, while I was spying on him, right after he got the latest order to make a new video - seems like some stuck-up bitch called Aegis Angel is going to be helping fight the declining birthrate, hee hee! - he sent a FAX!" she points accusingly at Smut King, tied up in the chair.

You glance at him. It's impossible to read his reaction on account of him lacking a... face. You turn back to Beast Beauty. "I was gonna say, 'It's 2017, who the hell uses faxes anymore', but I guess that fits the whole analog technology motif. But why are you freaking out so much over that?"

"Because!" Beast Beauty holds up her finger dramatically again, "I grabbed those deets, and got my 'Beastie Boys' to look up where they were going to! Y'know, I know that I said that computer programming and 'haxxoring' was a beta male kind of hobby, but after how much help they gave me on this, I'm officially changing my mind and saying computer skillz," she draws out the sound into a buzzing 'z', "are actually high-testosterone to the max! They got to the bottom of that mystery like a raccoon getting to the bottom of a trash can in less than 30 minutes!"

'Hurry the fuck up, Julia.' you whisper silently over your commlink as you nod along. "Okay, and where did these anonymous basement dweller fanboys of yours say it was going?"

"Straight to the DEEP STATE, Bird Sis! Right into the big bowl of alphabet soup! SPLOOSH!" Beast Beauty minds something splashing.

"Deep state? Soup?" you ask skeptically. "Are you sure you're not getting high off the gas fumes?"

"Wooo! I think I might be a little bit, actually." Beast Beauty giggles. "But let me drop that 411 on you, Thunderbird: I'm talkin' bout the FEDS! The CIA! The LGBT-agenda-spreading globalists! That fax was going straight to a government building in Washington!"

You feel your patience wearing thinner. "Okay?! So what? That doesn't explain why you're trying to fucking burn everything!"

Beast Beauty starts talking again but then you hear Julia respond. Even with your sound powers your brain can't focus on two conversations at once, so you listen to Julia.

'Okay, Rikki, you ready for this? So I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that Beast Beauty can only transform into, or call upon the abilities of, any given animal once per day. And she can't cheat by picking slightly different species, either - they have to be from a different genus.'

'What's the bad news?' you ask her, trying to tune out whatever Beast Beauty is on about so you can focus on Julia's intel.

'That she can shapeshift instantly-' Julia begins.

'I knew that already!' You hiss, glancing to see if Dr. Rainbow shows any inkling of understanding in her posture or facial expression that this is about to become a fight. She doesn't, of course.

'-AND that if she becomes something larger or smaller, her spatial position can overlap any part of the old one.'

'Don't use fucking nerd language, Julia! Jesus! Sum up the need-to-know!' you hiss through gritted teeth, not taking your eyes off Beast Beauty.

Julia, on the other end of the comm, groans. 'Uuugh. It's like she can teleport a little when she shapeshifts. Also any injuries she receives are non-proportionally transferred, which means-' Julia catches herself this time, realizing she is getting too technical. 'Agh - think of it like she can heal from injury when she transforms into something bigger or smaller. Oh, final bit of good news? She can't do anything smaller than a mouse or bigger than an elephant. Hope that helps, Rikki.'

The comm channel closes. You focus on what Beast Beauty was saying again.

"...which is why the CIA assassinated Stanley Kubrick with a radiation beam just two days after the release of 'Eyes Wide Shut', and re-cut the film to remove the parts that were TOO REAL! I didn't even know about this stuff until a few days ago! It's a good thing I've got wise male friends with naturally dominant mindsets to educate me on things I'm too dumb and frivolous to figure out for myself!"

Beast Beauty giggles again and beams, clearly quite proud of herself. "They took something wholesome, like fucking while wearing animal costumes, and turned it into something mega-sketchy so they can **** the elites and control the world!"

The tall, athletic woman in the black jumpsuit points dramatically at the shelves of videos. "And there's nobody more elite than superheroes in the League of Propriety! Those agenda-pushing creepazoids are turning something wholesome and natural, like reproduction, into a tool for making superheroes their secret slaves! It's a good thing that Rae-bae pushed me in the right direction while Maiden A is out of contact. Maiden A might get hung up on the whole 'loyalty to the system' thing. A hero's first loyalty should be to justice! Don't you agree?"

Dr. Rainbow pouts. "Oh no! I think some of these new friends of yours might actually be unmedicated schizophrenics, Miss Beauty! Could you pretty please put some links to a free mental health clinic in your next livestream?"

"Shush, Doc. Let me handle this." you put a hand on Dr. Rainbow's shoulder. "Okay, Beauty. So, you think these videos are being kept on behalf of federal agents so that can **** heroes into doing what they want? Do I have that right more or less?" you ask.

"Yes!" Beast Beauty looks excited. "You get it! So now you understand that I have to get rid of this degenerate shizz no matter what the cost! They're gonna use it as leverage to **** all of us to accept LGBT, sexual harassment policies, fake news, vaccines, and all the rest of that unnatural noise! And if I burn it all, the deep state won't be able to do anything without blowing their cover, because I've got over 2 million social media followers!"

"Alright." you say calmly and crack your knuckles, followed by a full-body stretch. "So, Beauty, I want you to listen carefully to what I'm saying. You may well actually be right about all that conspiracy theory CIA shit you just said. It's plausible. But - and this is the important thing - I don't actually care if you're right or not."

You put up one of your fists and get into a sideways stance, indicating your willingness to fight if need be. "This is the greatest mystery of my heroine career, and I need the information in this archive. I can't let you burn it. "

"Ummmm... pffft." Beast Beauty snickers again and rolls her eyes playfully. "What do you mean, you 'can't'? It's easy, sis! Just sit back and watch and maybe grab some marshmallows and graham crackers!"

Groaning in frustration, you roll your eyes. "I'm running out of patience here, Beast Beauty. Find a different way to stop this **** scheme or whatever it is Smut King was doing. You've got the address he was sending info on the videos to, right? Go down to that government agency building and... I dunno, turn into an elephant and take a dump on their desk or something."

"First of all," Beast Beauty holds her hand up, "to do that, I would have to turn into an elephant, then eat a bunch of hay and stuff, and THEN wait eighteen to twenty hours. But more importantly, now that the deep state knows that us heroes in the Big 7 have peeped their shenanigans, they're gonna be backing up the truck to this place and packing all the preggo-scandal videos off to a black site! You know that scene at the end of 'Indiana Jones' where they put Hitler's vampire coffin in the big warehouse full of secret government shit? It'll be exactly like that!"

You put your hands on the side of your head. "That wasn't 'Hitler's vampire coffin', you fucking mental-" You stop mid-sentence, take a deep breath, and close your eyes. "Alright, on that note, Doc? I tried diplomacy, okay? You can't say I didn't. Sometimes it has to be the hard way." you peform a dramatic (and rather sexy) stretch, limbering up by pulling each of your feet up over your head one at a time.

"Oh, no! No, no no no!" Dr. Rainbow's eyes widen and her shoulders shrink as she hunches down. "Thunderbird, you're getting that 'I'm about to resort to ****' look, again! Can we maybe lower the temperature a few degrees, here? Here, I've been studying alternative conflict resolution methods. Let's all just take a deep breath and count to three, okay?"

Dr. Rainbow puts her arms out to her sides and takes a deep breath. "Like this! Let's all try together, okay? One.... two-"

With explosive suddenness, you perform a front-flip right over Beast Beauty's head. As you sail over her, you hook your arms around her shoulders. You land on your feet back-to-back with Beauty. At the same moment your feet touch the ground, you perform a full-body throw, swinging Beast Beauty up over your head and hurling her towards a nearby table.

In mid-air, she transforms into... a pig. A big fat pig. The blubber of her new form blunts the impact of your throw as she smashes through the table.

"Three." you say calmly.

Unfortunately, that wasn't enough, and Beast Beauty goes back to human form and leaps to her feet. "Bruh!" she says, shaking her head. "Not cool!"

And then, in the blink of an eye, she's been replaced by a leopard. A leopard which is lunging right at your face.