You LOVE BIG TITTIES

Your wife says, “You proclaimed your fascination with a certain aspect of anatomy.”

“Please tell me what I say.”

Your wife acts like this is the hardest things she’s ever had to do. Does she actually pray for God to give her strength?

“You started yelling ‘I LOVE BIG TITTIES! The bigger the better. I like em dumb: grades D or lower. Cs will do if they’re perky enough, but give me those boobs they don’t even have grades for: Double Ds and Gs, Ms and Ps. Lord help me if she’s rocking Qs. If they’re that big, I don’t care if they’re sagging and hanging. Give me a woman with bad back problems. Jugs that weigh more than bowling balls. I wanna tit you can plop down on a scale. As long as they drop them out for me. Knock me around with those melons. Give me a black eye. Let me suck on them. Big nipples, small nipples. Brown or pink. Please let them have milk. Breastfeeding milkers are the sexiest. So full and engorged you can see the veins through their skin. They need the relief of my mouth. Mama, let me suck and eat!’

“You started acting like a baby. Mimicking your hands like you were cupping a boob like a bottle. You pressed your face to my chest and shook it back and forth making a Burr noise. Then you lifted your face and said, ‘Too small.’ Then you looked at your brother’s new wife. ‘Now those are perfect.’ We had to hold you back. You were going to do the exact same thing to her. You were an animal. Your brother and his wife had to leave the house so you’d stop catcalling her and literally drooling when looking at her.

“I wanted to take you to the hospital. Something obviously wasn’t right. You don’t talk or act like this. You needed to see a neurologist. Your family convinced me to give it time. If you were better by the morning, then I could take you.”

Your wife is shaking. From the fear of my health or the embarrassment of the night? You don't know. You hold her. “I’m sorry babe. That’s not me. I don’t know who it was.”

You don’t want to admit to your wife that those word and actions were your inner thoughts. How you actually feel about tits.

The front door opens. Your little brother and his wife walk in. Her dress can only be described as booby.

Your mouth salivates.