Yes

“Kendra.” Jonah finally said after a lengthy pause. “I have something to admit.”

For a second, Jonah thought about how much easier this could have been, how he had the opportunity to get exactly what he wanted. But that thought was extinguished immediately, like a fire in a vacuum. It was a fire that had been raging in Jonah’s heart for so long that the heat seemed inescapable. However, here in the wilderness with Kendra, instead of a fireball, a sense of serenity was taking hold.

Before the truth was revealed, Jonah’s mind raced. It scrambled to salvage understanding from the last moments of struggle. He was building his wings on the way down.

Jonah wouldn’t use his powers on Kendra, never her. Only at his lowest did the thought even occur to him. From the very beginning, he courted her while completely defenseless. It was just the two of them, broken and afraid, hiding behind strong personalities.

This discrepancy in approach never bothered Jonah much. He questioned it once or twice but gained no real insight. He was not prepared for the answers. If he had let time pass, he might have learned that it was because he loved her or that he would love her.

It is no great philosophical mystery why people have sex. It is an ingrained part of biology, a tool for exerting power over others, and simply enjoyable. But Jonah went beyond that. He rigged the game, making it so that the natural attraction was multiplied. Then, in a fit of paranoia, he took control of their minds. He never wanted to hurt them; there was still time to fix things and become the man he wanted to be. A real fresh start.

The rest of the girls, the sex, that was all to sate some animalistic desire for pleasure and companionship. But that was so easy for Jonah now. It was nearly impossible in the past, but now, his power and freedom have guaranteed it. So why had he treated Kendra so differently?

Jonah was not a hunter; he did not revel in the challenge of courtship. No, it was something else, something much deeper than that. Something more human. Subconsciously, Jonah had to prove that another could love him. To be chosen not for what could be taken from him but for who he was. He had to validate that he was real. He was a genuine human being with a soul that transcended his flesh and blood. A soul that could connect to others beyond control and desire.

Before, when he joined the crowds and masses of his earth, people ignored him. Jonah never could understand why. Their gazes would pass over him as if he weren’t there. He feared a dark aura emanated from his soul that stained him. It was clear to everyone that he was damaged. He coped with this by being loud and useful to make himself known. That’s where Deadringer came from. A desire to be seen. And people did see him. The wrong people. Dangerous men and women who wanted to use him for his body. He enjoyed it for a time. Sex and **** scratch the wrong itches.

However, on cold nights, during the darkest depths of his psychological confinement and physical imprisonment, he questioned his very humanity. Did Jonah Richardson deserve the love of a woman?

Love can be found anywhere you look if you have the eye. In the homes dotting America’s streets, millions of families love each other fully, and even as lovers walk down these same streets, they hold hands. These snapshots of life mocked Jonah. Even the smallest gestures between a father and son would tug at his heart; it felt like his chest would tear from longing. Surely, something so plentiful must be easy to obtain. False. Love is the most precious resource, and the cruel joke is that the less you have, the harder it is to get. And Jonah was a man bereft since birth.

There was only one way Jonah could move forward: to be brave. To be scared and lose control. The pilgrimage would be long and hard, but it would be worth it. Jonah hoped that at the end, he would see the muddy boots of his soul and smile. Jonah had been many things in his life. A scared little boy, a discarded member of society, a lowlife, a tool of the state, and a superhero. Now, he had to be the hardest thing of all: better.

“I was never a superhero on my earth.” Jonah finally admitted. “In fact, I was a criminal. I was **** to fight in that battle as a penal conscript.”

Kendra’s face darkened. Fear encased Jonah in a paralyzing brace. He had seen that look once previously. Right before he watched Hawkgirl eviscerate an enemy with her mace. Now that look was pointed at him. Even the full moon’s brightness was lost on her.

Kendra remained silent for an excruciatingly long time. “Take me home.”

“Ok.” Jonah hung his head in shame, unable to look her in the eyes.

Jonah opened a portal back to Metropolis. The elevated apartment was bright, with the sun from the East Coast illuminating the portal with distant light. Kendra bounded through the doorway, her body humming with unknown emotion.

“Kendra…” Jonah followed her desperately.

“I don’t want to look at you right now.”

“If you can’t look at me, then listen.” Jonah began to pace behind Kendra. She was staring at her powered-off TV. Jonah could see her eyes flick towards him in the dark reflection. “I’m sorry that I lied to you and the league, but this was the only way. I didn’t know if I could trust you. You might have accepted me for who I was, but I wasn’t ready to take that risk. Not again. Not after it failed so many times. I was nothing but a tool to my home universe. So I invented Porter, and after a while, it no longer felt like a lie.

“Why tell me this?” Kendra turned to face Porter.

“Because I trust you. And you have no idea what it means for me to say that.”

“But why?” Kendra was exasperated but maintained a strong front against Jonah. “Why trust me now?”

“I knew if anybody would understand, it would be you.” Jonah wanted to grab Kendra’s hands but couldn’t.

“Don’t put that on me,” Kendra whispered with a knowing melancholy.

“If anybody I know believes in second chances, it would be you.” Jonah faced the window, escaping Kendra’s intense stare through the glassy reflection. His vulnerability was apparent. He was putting his entire faith in Kendra. That she wouldn’t reject and punish him. “That’s why I kept pursuing you. Deep down, I knew you could understand what I was trying to do here.”

“How can I understand you if you’ve never told me this?”

"I tried!" Jonah exclaimed, unable to contain the intense mix of emotions swirling inside him. “In my own little ways, I tried. Every painful memory, every glimpse of hurt I shared with you was the truth. A tree with gnarled roots that only just poked above the surface.

“I’m Hawkgirl! Descended from a long line of heroes and warriors. How can I, in good conscience, trust a criminal?"

“Because that’s not who I am!” Jonah placed his head on the cold window. His fingers scratched against the glass barrier. It would be so simple to run away. “Not anymore.

Kendra sighed. She cooled her emotions; her heart was tearing against her. It would be so simple to run away. To put on her wings and fly away. But a part of her told her to listen Jonah out. To see where the white met the grey. “What exactly did you do to get imprisoned?”

“It’s complicated. The world at the edge of society is so steeped in crime that it's difficult to differentiate specific laws that are broken. I won’t list the misdemeanors, tax evasion, and complicities. Not now, at least.” Jonah reflected on his actions against good, honest people. He remembered the list of crimes given to him by the judge. “Theft, grand theft, ****, possession, bribery, ****, burglary, and arson.”

“Ok, that’s-”

“But I never killed anybody. I didn’t deal ****. I didn’t hurt the people. Not directly, at least. I stole from the rich. Skimmed from the top.” Jonah explained emphatically.

“That doesn’t make it ok.”

“No, of course not. I’m just trying to-” Jonah let out an exasperated sigh. “You’re right. Intentions can’t wash my hands clean of it.”

Inside Kendra were the biases of dozens of previous lives. Their worldviews and experiences all bend her wisdom towards painting Jonah as the enemy. Instead of listening to her bound warrior soul, she went with her gut. That was entirely Kendra. She didn’t want to, but she saw the pain deep inside Jonah and what it was doing to him. He had retreated so far into himself and his guilt that he couldn’t see a way out.

“Oh Jonah.” Kendra placed a tender, gentle hand on Jonah’s back. She turned the man to face her. “You aren’t stained. What’s done is done. You can’t change the past. I know that better than anybody. The burden of responsibility lies solely on your shoulders, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve help. My previous incarnations all led lives that were strikingly different from one another. They were molded into unique people. They bore the burden of the Hawk thrust upon them, regardless of the context. Some clung to their worldview as their only tether to their humanity. Others embraced the Hawk and became one with the others.” Kendra took a deep breath, and her gaze was unfocused. She refocused as if she had gone far away in the blink of an eye, as if she were far away. “Some of them did horrible things in their time. Things that they thought were right. Others did things that they knew were wrong. Those actions bleed down to me. You can’t imagine the nightmares I’ve had slip into my nights.”

“But that wasn’t you, Kendra.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’ve suffered because of the past, and so have you. But that doesn’t mean we have to be shackled to it for the rest of our lives.”

Jonah was silent. He had no plan for the conversation beyond his confession. Now that everything was out in the open, he felt a sense of relief wash over him. Mentally and physically, Jonah had been holding so much back that he only now realized how heavy that burden had been. The adrenaline quickly faded from his system, and his hands began to tremble. Surely, all this heartache would be worth it in the long run.

“I’m sorry.” Kendra shook her head, the initial shock of the reveal calming and re-spooling in an intricate knot of emotions. “I’m not good at this sort of thing. I’m a mess, so I don’t have any good answers for you.”

“I knew you’d understand.” Jonah tentatively moved to embrace Kendra. She let him.

There was a beat of silence before Kendra whispered, “I forgive you.”

As much as he didn’t want to, Jonah broke the hug, “Really?”

“You have a lot of work to do to make it up to me and yourself,” Kendra said sternly. She was serious, and Jonah felt it. Yet, her words were laced with affection for him. Many people might not choose to forgive Jonah, and that is their right. Love and forgiveness may be challenging, but they are ultimately worth the effort.

“I’ve already started.”

End of Part 3