Yes

“OK then” I agreed, “I’ll be there.”

I tried getting rid of my unease after that morning. At least now, I was alone at my house, and no one would look to judge my actions. I looked at myself in the mirror again, anxious if my makeup had looked decent for the occasion.

After closing the window and the curtains, then laid on the bed. Nothing could disturb my thoughts here and now. I enjoyed that silence. A quietness that penetrated me and let my thoughts roam freely. Watching the ceiling, I admired how a ray of sunshine pierced between two curtains, and folded itself around the round lampshade, still refracting through its fabric and drawing abstract shapes on the wall.

The only sound that I had learn to enjoy in these moments was the soft rumble of the elevator, sometimes moving at the other side of the building. A deep, low-pitched sound that, when it was isolated in silence, felt like it made me vibrate all over inside and out. It carried me away on its soft waves.

Eight days to wait before that dinner. Mentally, I’d be better prepared than I had been for the funeral. This was just an night out with old friends. Nothing to worry about.

The restaurant was nice, as always. It took time for the synergy of the group to come back, but there was kind of a spark at some point. The good vibes really came across when we arrived at the bar. Laughs and teasing, bits of fun mockery. And a lot of bitching about the company we’d left. Coleen was always first for that. And surprisingly, Gabriel also added his share of incisive critique. We were catching up with news of our lives and finding the complicity of then. He invited me for a smoke and we shared how our news jobs were going. Paulo dragged us to the photo booth. Maya broke a glass.

This was the kind of night out where we had access to Walter’s phone. I told myself I added my fingerprint innocently, but I ended up using it to try and burn the company. It allowed me to log in on his account from another computer and access files that I shouldn’t have seen. All the higher levels had access to the same folder, so anyone of them could have done it. I chose to mess up the figures and hope the company would go bankrupt, spending more than they could afford based on wrong figures.

How I had been treated by HR and the CEO, with no perk whatsoever, and finally being **** to quit… I did my best to ruin them. It just happened that a random inspection came up before their messed up finances could sink them, and they turned against Walter.

“And remember the dares?” Coleen shouted. “How many crazy things have we asked of each other along the years?”

I looked away. Gabriel’s mood had suddenly changed. Our eyes crossed, but I looked away for some reason. A shiver went through me. He went for a smoke. It probably was nothing.

I found myself outside a minute later. Maya was with Gabriel. I joined them. It felt like he was shutting down, barely answering questions or participating to the conversation. Something was off, and the unease invaded me again.

Maya went back inside. Gabriel said he was leaving - unusually early for nights like we used to have. I realized I didn't feel any interest for anyone else anymore. I held him up:

“Wait, I’ll drive you!”

He did not answer right away only staring at me with a kind of contempt that he already used to show at the time we were colleagues. Something crushed my stomach. I wanted to ask again, but somehow I was inert, paralyzed.

“Why not” he finally agreed.

We grabbed our things inside, made our goodbyes, promising a next time, then went out again. We walked the way to my car in silence. A number of thoughts went through my head at the beginning, then I told myself again that this uneasy feeling was usual around Gabriel. I just wasn't used to it anymore.

He lived close enough, it would only be a 10 minute drive. I tried making conversation on how happy at his job, if he had finally done all the works he planned in his apartment, if he still lived alone...