Yes fucking way.

"It was in a field of pumpkins? The halflings were using it to grow PUMPKINS?" Gnarl was gobsmacked. Sarah had shown me to a small field, close to a peasant village. A few halflings were patrolling nearby and in the middle of the field, nestled and ensnared by a cornucopia of pumpkins, sat an orb. It was four, maybe four and a half, feet across and glowed a vibrant, powerful blue. Sparks orbited it in lazy spirals, as if it were producing magic at such a prodigious rate that it could barely contain it. Its aura was so powerful that I could taste it in the air, and the effect on the pumpkins was blatant. There wasn't a single small or sickly one among them, each one a deep, rich orange. It truly made me sad to see something meant for such domination and destruction used to grow all this sustenance.

Sarah and I trekked back to the portal, collecting a couple of sheep's souls along the way. Sarah's sword cut through them like butter, though she seemed a little dubious about my collection of the souls. Apparently being able to see them was a trait unique to necromancers and their summons. I grabbed another five minions at the gate, and with the aid of Sarah easily killed the halflings and destroyed the pumpkins. The minions had lugged the tower heart back to the gate, which brought us to Gnarl's outburst.

"I'm about as happy with it as you are, Gnarl." The tower heart was levitating above the gate pool, but slowly began to sink into the water as we spoke.

"Honestly, halflings. Well, at least they've all been slaughtered. You now have access to fire magics, as well as the capability to control more minions. Ten should be your limit." Gnarl turned to look at Sarah. "Now then, where did you get the farmgirl's new armor, and how exactly did you get the sword away from her?" Sarah and I looked at each other, confused.

"It's the same sword, Gnarl." In a flash, Gnarl had fled to the end of the hall, and hid behind the throne.

"You brought it HERE? AFTER it had bonded with her?! And let her near the tower heart? Are you utterly insane, sire?"

"She doesn't burn me anymore. The armor and sword seem to have lost all effect. I think something went wrong during the bonding and corrupted it." Gnarl's head peeked around the side of the throne, curiosity on his face.

"Lost all effect, you say? Hah! Like I'd believe that. She's lying to you, sire. Wartdash! Hug the farmgirl's leg!" A brown minion scurried over from a large piece of rubble they were attempting to pull away from one of the staircases and threw themselves onto Sarah's calf. Gnarl's head had retreated behind the throne again as soon as he'd given the order, and it now peeked around to survey the result. Seeing the intact minion, a look of surprise, then one of glee split Gnarl's features and he rushed over to us. "You!" He cackled. "You may just be the oddest Overlord ever! Do you know what you've done?"

While it was good to know that Sarah was on our side, I wasn't sure that was dancing around in glee levels of good news. I mean, Gnarl didn't even get to fuck her. "I think I may be missing something."

Gnarl pointed at me. "You." his finger moved to Sarah's sword. "Turned that, an artifact that once almost ended the dynasty of Overlords by destroying the fifth hive and slaughtering the entire dark ****, into an infernal device of equal power," his finger pointed to Sarah, "by filling her full of cum and promising her a more comfortable bed!" He dissolved into screeching laughter.

"Is it really that powerful?" Sarah asked.

Gnarl eventually calmed down until he was only giggling a little. "I suspect that it has attuned itself to the power of the Overlord. It may have the potential to be as powerful, but for now it should merely be indestructible and more effective against divine foes. Nothing to sneeze at, but only a hair of what may be possible once the Overlord grows stronger and you grow more adept at using it." The moment of levity done, Gnarl moved over to the gate pool. "Now then, the next order of business will be to find a crane. We'll need to shift the larger bits of rubble, and there's only so much that minions can do with brute strength alone. I believe Melvin, the halfling hero that helped end the previous Overlord, took ours with him following the battle. He should live nearby the portal we've already connected."

"Why would you take a crane? That seems like it would be harder to move than it would to build from scratch. Speaking of, why aren't we just building one?"

"No one accused halflings of being particularly intelligent, sire." The opposite, actually. Halflings were a race with a reputation for being lazy and stupid, though as with most reputations it was based on only a kernel of truth. Halflings tended to enjoy the simple things in life, and didn't care much for people who told them they should act otherwise. "And we'd need access to trees to build one, which are likely in the same place as the crane. We may as well reclaim what's ours."

"Fair enough. Where do we head first?"

"The nearby village of Spree should be an excellent place to start. It's packed with humans that may have seen something"

Sarah spoke up. "I know a shortcut that goes near those standing stones around the gate, we should be able to cut a little time off the walk."

Gnarl smiled. "As little time as possible spent in that healthy, green, horribly happy place is better for us all. On that topic, now that you've found the tower heart, I won't be accompanying you any more. I'll be able to monitor you through the pool's scrying and telepathically message you."

"What happened to 'misery loves company'?" I asked.

"You've got company now! I don't see why I should put myself through all that. I'm not as young as I used to be, you know." Gnarl continued to grumble about how his joints ached and his bones felt brittle as he activated the portal again. Once again, violet lines crisscrossed the surface, although they looked far stronger now. They elegantly lifted the arch, and tendrils came off the sides to add thorny details to its edge. The visage of the field spread out before us, and grimacing, Sarah and I stepped through the portal.

The sheep we'd killed before had already replenished, somehow. I sent my newly expanded minion forces to attack them again, and followed Sarah down a side path. It was a short walk, over a fallen piece of stone wall that bridged a softly babbling brook, the gentle, soothing sound of which gave me a mild headache. Eventually, we came to a moat, a wall of sharpened posts, and a raised drawbridge with two peasants standing on top of it. One turned to the other. "Oi Terence, grab the bows, there's a couple of halflings down there!"

Terence smacked the other man on the back of the head. "Gerard, that fucker's eight feet tall, he ain't a halfling!"

Gerard glanced back and forth between Terence and myself, then whispered conspiratorially. "Ain't you never seen a couple o' halflings wearing a suit of dark armor? It be the oldest trick in the book. I'll grab the acid."

Terence looked at us thoughtfully. "He does make a good point."

"Terence, for fuck's sake, he's not a halfling!" Sarah finally spoke up.

Terence squinted at her. "Oh! Gerard! It's the young lass Sarah down there. I don't think the acid's going to be a good idea."

"Fire arrows it is then!" Gerard started rummaging around behind the wall.

"No, no, I think he might not be a halfling either." Terence gave me a thoughtful look. "How would the legs work? Halflings are too big to fit in those leggy bits of armor."

"Well that depends if it's an African or a European halfling."

"You're thinking of the coconut fella, Gerard."

"So I am. Could he potentially be a couple of dwarfs in a trenchcoat?"

Sarah decided to get a handle on the situation before the author got even more carried away. "Terence! Have you seen a crane? We need it for some renovations."

"I might've. That information'll cost you though. The halflings have set up a **** camp over yonder." Terence gestured down the path that ran parallel to the wall. "Free the people held there, and I'll tell you what I know about cranes."

I turned to Sarah. "Can't we just invade the village? I'd really like to punch those two in the face."

"Satisfying as that would be," Gnarl's voice echoed in my head, "The only minion type that won't immediately drown in that moat are the blues. You'll have to do this the annoying way, I'm afraid."

I sighed. "Ah well, never mind. Gnarl says the browns won't be able to get through the moat."

Sarah and I turned to go down the path, hurrying away before Gerard found those fire arrows.