Yes, but...

*riiiing*... *riiiiiiiiiiing*... *riiiiiiiiiiiiiing*

"Ugh, whaaat..." I groan, my eyes fluttering open against my will. Blinding light infiltrates my vision, searing my retinas and jolting me awake with cruel efficiency. Lovely.

*riiiiiiing*

"Yeah, I'm coming!" I shout, my voice still thick with sleep. "Hang on a sec!"

I try to heave myself out of bed, but my traitorous body has other plans. I collapse back onto the mattress, cursing under my breath. Gravity, it seems, is my mortal enemy this morning.

*riiiiiiiiiing*

Still deliriously drowsy, I finally manage to extract myself from the clutches of my blankets. The soft fabric tingling my skin. Tempting. I shake my head, trying to clear the fog from my mind.

I stumble towards the door, peering through the peephole to see who dares disturb my beauty sleep. A delivery guy stands there, a package clutched to his chest. *bzzzt* The lock disengages, and I wrench open the door.

I lean against the doorframe, blinking in the harsh light of the hallway. Wait a second... was the doorframe always this big? Did my apartment shrink overnight? I shake my head, disgusted by my own sleep-addled thoughts.

*Footsteps echo in the stairwell, growing louder, closer...*

*Thump, thump, thump...*

Ah, there he is. The poor sap looks like he's seen a ghost. Is he staring at me? I glance over my shoulder, but see nothing amiss in my apartment.

"Ghhaaahh, are you okay?" I yawn, stretching languidly. My back pops, and I wince. "Did I disturb your sleep? I'm so sorry, I have your delivery here..."

He backs away, stammering apologies, before beating a hasty retreat. Huh. Weirdo.

Whatever, man.

I turn back to the package, tearing into it with gusto. Another box, of course. Because one layer of packaging isn't enough these days. I wrestle with the second box, my fingers still clumsy and uncoordinated from sleep.

And there it is...

A wand? A magic wand? What the actual fuck? Did they seriously fuck up my order? Typical. I facepalm, my hand catching in the tangled mess of my hair. Shit, when did it get this long? I need to get to a barber ASAP.

I stomp back into my room, throwing open my dresser drawers. I yank on a pair of panties, shimmying them up my legs. High socks follow, tugging them up to my knees. A black top and skirt, a hoodie - I'm ready to face the world.

I spin to face the mirror...

And freeze.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

My hair... my face... my body...

No. No no no. Tell me this is a dream. PLEASE.

My hand drifts down, under my skirt...

Fuck. It's gone. Just gone.

Like a fucking magic trick gone wrong. And I'm the fucking rabbit in the hat.

Fuck fuck fuck. I need coffee. Stat. And a very long walk to clear my head.

Because something tells me today is going to be a day I'll never forget. For all the wrong fucking reasons.

Fuck my life.