Ya boi has you covered!

Quest complete: new look, same old routine!

You got ready for the day ahead! Congrats on achieving something the vast majority of the populace achieves every day. Have a (metaphorical) cookie.

Rewards:

• +10 Exp.

• +10 World Exp.

• +£10.00.

• Access to your status screen.

Rolling my eyes at the system’s snark, I parked myself on my bed and tried to think about my status screen real hard. To my delight, my mental gymnastics worked, and I promptly set about assessing the details.

‘First, what the hell is a hentai logic percentage, and can it please-please-please be what I think it is? Second, 7HP total, huh? Is that shit? I feel like that’s shit… and I’m 4 mana down? When did that happen?!?’

Shrugging, I took a well-deserved moment to grumble at the system’s less than stellar assessment of my attributes before switching my focus back to the little envelope icon. I gave the icon a mental nudge, hopeful for a few improvements to my lacklustre status sheet. I was not disappointed.

New skill unlocked: Meditation Lvl 1.

Meditation: Ohmmmmmmmmm. Ijuststubbedmytoeandithurtssofuckingmuch. OHMMMMMMMM. Stay motionless with your eyes closed and empty your mind. Nothing else can be done while meditating.

Skill type: Active.

Whilst in a meditative state, you gain the following:

• HP regen x2.

• Mana regen x3.

Nice! My HP and Mana regen rates were currently abysmal, that was without mentioning the maximum size of each pool, so I had a feeling this little skill would come in handy! Dismissing the window, I excitedly moved on.

Achievement unlocked: Eager student.

You unlocked a skill before you gained access to your status screen. All it takes for you to focus on learning is a shiny new system that gives you arbitrary points you don’t really understand yet, huh? Your poor, poor teachers…

You gain the following:

• +10 Exp.

• +£10.00.

• +3 Intelligence.

Ignoring the snark, I focused on the positives instead. ‘More mana! I’mma be a wizard, without sticking ma dick in an owl!’ Chuckling to myself and pleased so far, I kept the good times coming.

Achievement unlocked: you no dumb-dumb!

You increased your intelligence to at least 10, passing the first Attribute threshold. Certain neural connections that were artificially suppressed in the past may now form freely. Your rock eating days are over! Unless you want to eat rocks, that is, in which case go ahead.

You gain the following:

• +25 Exp.

• +£25.00.

• Your overall intellect has been boosted. Neural connections will be easier to form.

• Each point of intelligence gained now adds 2 to your total mana pool rather than 1.

‘Wait… WHAT?!’ My nostrils flared as the implications of the achievement, or, more accurately, this so-called intellect boost, hit me like a 2 by 4. Over the past few years I’d worked my ass off, spent evening after evening of blood, sweat and tears with my face buried in a textbook and still only barely scraped the grades I needed to get where I was today. All that effort, for the want of a single point of intelligence!?! ‘I am outraged! Outraged, I say!’

With an explosive sigh, I closed my eyes, breathing deeply as I applied my new meditation skill until I could push the irritation deep inside. ‘What’s done is done. If anything, I should be grateful. This will make life much easier, and if this system is all it's cracked up to be I should still have a lot of room to grow.’ Shaking my head, I moved on, a small smile coming to my face when I read the next notice.

Achievement unlocked: Throne of enlightenment.

You entered a meditative state and used it to help you work through a bout of panic whilst sat on the loo. You do you; we guess?

You gain the following:

• +10 Exp.

• +£10.00.

• +3 Wisdom.

• Your toilet is now a porcelain pillar of serenity. The chance to have an epiphany whist sat on the john is drastically increased.

‘Well, that’s a thing. Moving riiiiight along…’

New skill unlocked: Analyse Lvl 1.

Analyse: Quite the nosy sod, aren’t you? By looking closely at a person or creature, you are now able to glean some of their basic information. Use this and never have to remember another name again. We only judge a little.

Range: 5 Metres.

Cast time: Instant.

Cost: 2 Mana per use.

‘Ah, 2 mana per pop. That must mean…’

New skill unlocked: Identify Lvl 1.

Identify: does what it says on the tin. Study an item to gleam basic information about that item. Fair warning, if you scan stupid stuff, expect stupid responses.

Range: 5 Metres.

Cast time: Instant.

Cost: 2 Mana per use.

‘And that’s the other 2 missing mana. Nice! Looks like… this is the last one?’

Achievement unlocked: Hey lady, my eyes are up here.

You accidentally showed a flatmate your winky. She didn’t seem to mind overly much…

You gain the following:

• +10 Exp.

• +10 Waifu Exp.

• +£10.00.

• +3 Charisma.

Coughing awkwardly, I filed that little titbit away for later and reopened my status screen, studying the changes.

Nodding in satisfaction, I stood up. Grabbing a rucksack filled with my uni supplies, I then headed to the door, stepping out and locking it behind me as I mentally prepared for an awkward conversation with my new (super cute) anime girl flatmate.