Wonder Woman!

Holy shit indeed. It was Wonder Woman.

Golden tiara gleaming under the broken streetlight. Leather skirt, breastplate, and enough presence to silence a city block. She wasn’t even in a fighting stance. Wonder Woman just stood there, arms folded, eyes glowing with disapproval.

The guy with the bat blinked. “Who the hell—”

CRACK.

His bat snapped in half. She teleported from their view. Super speed so absurd that it made the impossible happen. The guy with the bat was shaking. He stepped back and then ran away.

“Drop your weapons,” she told the rest of the thugs.

The first idiot ran at her. She sidestepped lazily and flicked her arm out, sending him flying into a garbage can with a crash and a groan.

Two more charged together. She let them come.

Boom. Shield to the gut. Smack. A roundhouse that swept one off his feet and into the air. From the van, two more men burst out carrying crowbars. These were the lowest of the low. They didn’t even carry guns. She caught the crowbars.

“You should really rethink this,” Wonder Woman said, grip tight and making them unable to move unless they let go. “I’m more merciful than Batman.”

The thugs exchanged looks. One of them looked back at Wonder Woman, experienced a demoralization that he couldn’t even budge her, and ran back to the van. The last guy tried to kick her.

Diana countered with a kick of her own. Suffice to say, that particular thug wasn’t going to be able to have kids for some months.

The whole time, the pizza guy hadn’t moved.

He sat on his knees, eyes wide, mouth open, watching through the cracked windshield like he was watching a goddess appear out of smoke.

Which, honestly, he was.

Wonder Woman dusted off her hands. The pizza guy shakily got to his feet, dusting off his shirt and clutching his side where one of the thugs had shoved him earlier. His knees still felt weak.

“Th-thank you!” he stammered, words tumbling over each other. “Seriously, thank you, oh my God—you saved my life, I thought I was dead, I thought—”

She held up a hand, quieting him with an expression both kind and commanding. “You’re safe now. That’s all that matters.”

But before he could even breathe properly, the cruel joke of Gotham struck again. His belt was gone.

And without the belt, his pants—already loose, old, and worn from years of pizza shifts—slid down.

Wonder Woman flushed. “Ah, well…”

A huge cock like his, even flaccid, was impossible not to miss even in boxers. It almost peaked out, that was how hung he was. For a man to be this blessed, even the divine couldn’t do something like this. Zeus would be jealous.

He didn’t even notice. Not until he tried to take a step forward. His ankle caught the pooling fabric, and with a startled yelp, he tripped forward.

Straight into Wonder Woman.

The world slowed. His face buried itself in something soft. Something that pressed around him like pillows made of divine silk. His nose filled with the faintest scent of jasmine and leather.

He froze.

He knew what it was. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

His face was in Wonder Woman’s cleavage.

He thought he was dead. He thought the gods themselves would descend and smite him for such blasphemy. Wonder Woman. THE Wonder Woman. A feminist icon, a warrior goddess, a queen among heroes. And he had just tripped into her chest like he was some pervy protagonist in an anime.

He scrambled back on all fours, face red, eyes wide, mouth opening and closing in horror. “I-I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean—I wasn’t—”

What a coincidence. To think this would happen a second time. First as Diana, now as Wonder Woman.

instead of the thunderous scolding he expected, Wonder Woman… laughed.

A low, musical laugh that startled him even more than her fists had startled the thugs. She rested her hands on her hips, tilting her head at him. “Relax. You’re fine.”

He blinked, confused, his brain trying to process that he wasn’t already being tossed into the stratosphere.

“You’ve had a rough night,” Wonder Woman added, her smile softer now. “I’ll forgive a clumsy stumble.”

Still trembling, he yanked at his pants, trying to pull them up. They slid back down instantly. His bulge was in her face, a woman whose whole life revolved around women. This was bad. He was making all men look bad. He cursed under his breath, clutching the fabric desperately against his waist.

“Uh—uh—my belt—”

Wonder Woman held up her hand. Draped over her arm was a bundle of familiar items: his belt, his wallet, his phone, and his keys.

“T-thank you…”

He snatched them gratefully, fumbling to buckle his belt back in place before his pants betrayed him again. “Th-thank you. Again. For everything. I don’t even… I can’t even say how much this means. You saved me. And my car. And my stuff. I—just—thank you!”

Wonder Woman watched him with that steady, almost unnerving gaze of hers. The kind of gaze that felt like it stripped you bare—not in the literal way his pants nearly had, but deeper.

He clutched his belt nervously, his gratitude tumbling over itself again. “If there’s anything I can do to repay you, seriously—anything—”

“Anything?”

A raised brow.

“Y-yeah, of course.”

“Is that the truth?”

He was still struggling with holding his stuff and tying his belt. Actually, he was pretty much incapable of doing it. “Definitely, ma’am!”

That was when she stepped closer. The sound of her boots echoed against the cracked pavement as she closed the distance between them. He froze. With a smirk, she hooked two fingers into the waistband of his jeans—pulled them down with one swift tug.

He yelped, his hands flying to cover himself, but Wonder Woman’s grip was iron. With her other hand, she caught him by the cuff of his shirt and hauled him forward like he weighed nothing at all.

“W-what are you doing?!” he sputtered, stumbling along helplessly as she dragged him toward a darkened alleyway.

Her smile was no longer playful. It was something sharper. Something dangerous.

Her eyes gleamed in the faint light as she whispered, “You said it yourself: you owed me.”

She pulled him into the closest alleyway. His car and the van of the thugs and the thugs themselves—all forgotten.

He couldn’t breathe. Not with the solid, unyielding brick at his back and the living legend pinning him in place. Wonder Woman was a physical weight, an intoxicating mix of power and divine femininity that left him dizzy. Her armor was cool against his flannel shirt, the star-spangled emblem a stark contrast to his own mundane existence.

Her smile was a predator’s promise. “You said anything,” she murmured again.

Anything…

Anything.