With Toshiko

You rubbed the back of your neck, laughing a little. "I think I'd be a little hopeless on my own. I could really use the help." Toshiko's face brightened as you said those words, and she hugged the folded clothes she'd gathered much tighter to herself.

"I think that's a, uh, good choice," Toshiko said, looking carefully at you in a way that felt closer to how she normally looked at you. But... there was something else. There was something new in her eyes as she gazed your way, looking at you from head to toe. This may as well have been a Halloween costume you were wearing, that's how different it was from Hotaru's normal look. But, your half-smile expression and grateful eyes were no costume. Toshiko, satisfied that you were being truthful and this wasn't just an elaborate ruse by Hotaru to somehow berate her further, motioned for you to follow. "C'mon, I'll drive us back, then we could put in a movie or something. Have you ever seen Night of the Were-Mummies?"

"Only like twenty times!" You laughed a little, smiling at Toshiko. "We can make it twenty-one though."

You pick up your backpack of things at your usual desk, and then Toshiko brings you by Hotaru's office to pick up some of her things as well, like her purse. You shrugged, putting it into your backpack, and looked at Toshiko as she held onto her own messenger bag, walking out of the Shaw Biosciences building. "Do you think this is wrong?" you asked, turning toward her.

"How do you mean?" Toshiko asked, opening the doors to her car so you could climb inside.

You climb in, fastening your seatbelt, but you spent a considerable time fiddling with the strap that seemed to settle right into your chest in awkward ways. "I mean... everyone is so easy to accept that I'm really Hotaru. You, Harry, Teresa... Even I think I accepted it probably far too fast... and I haven't even spent a full day like this. Maybe in my case, it's because of the interleaved brain, maybe some of Hotaru's mind is helping me adjust faster than I thought. But... a whole person is kind of being suppressed for this project. Isn't that strange?"

Toshiko put her car in reverse, glancing nervously at you as she navigates the massive parking lot. "Are you saying you want to stop?" she asked quietly.

"No! Nothing like that. Not if the Hiroshima trip is on the line. But, I'm making all the choices. Hotaru just has to accept whatever I do, if she's even aware of it. And when we split at the end of this, then what? She has to deal with whatever I've done, and is that fair even though she's mean?"

"I, uh... I don't know the answer," Toshiko said as she pulled out onto the main road. "I understand what you mean, though. She is... difficult. It can really make me wonder whether I should keep working at Shaw if I still have to continue working with her. But, I have wanted so much to like her... I had hoped when I first met her, when I was just starting out, that she could be like a mentor, like a big sister, that we could watch out for each other. I just..." Toshiko paused, as she came to a stoplight.

"Just what?"

"I just want to see what that might be like. For a little bit. I think we are all deserving of using the opportunities we are given, even if it is not ideal for the real Hotaru. But, Wayne, you and I are able to talk about movies and everything, you normally do not make for a good sister. Hotaru also couldn't, or wouldn't, be. This way, though... maybe you could be that, and we can be better friends because of it. But, I get to be like the big sister, to help you!"

You looked at Toshiko, mouth slightly open as she described this fantasy to you. For her, she wanted something that neither Hotaru nor you could've given her on her own, but combined, you could play a role for her. You'd thought for a long time that Toshiko was fun to talk with, but she always seemed a little sad, for whatever reason you couldn't understand at the time. Something inside you always wanted to find a way to make her happy, because she deserved it. If her happiness depended on briefly using the body of a mean person to make her like a friend for a bit, what harm could that cause?

You hit a button on Toshiko's car radio, playing whatever CD was loaded. It was some Japanese pop from years ago, but it sounded... familiar. You smiled a little, nodding along to the beat of the drums. "This singer has a lovely voice," you said.

"...what did you say?"

You blinked, turning to Toshiko. "Just that the singer, her voice is lovely."

Toshiko shook her head. "I heard, but it's... you said that in Japanese!"

Both of you sat in silence for the remainder of the ride, eyes wide. Hotaru must have heard this group before, it made a connection, and briefly allowed you to extend into her mind and use her knowledge as your own. You didn't even realize you were saying anything different, to your mind it sounded like you spoke normal English. She clicked off the CD and you drove in silence for a little while. You could see her fear bubble to the surface that Hotaru might burst through and put her in a very difficult situation. She didn't want to overstimulate you with Hotaru's possible memories, everything needed to be piecemeal.

Toshiko's apartment was not at all big. She had a pretty basic one-bedroom layout, sparsely populated with a few decorations to feel at least like someone lived there. A TV and a table with a couple pillows on the ground sat to one side, including a pile of plush monsters from her favorite movies. You recognized most of them: Swamp Horror, Thing-Beast, Derberus, The Demon With Infinite Names, Mega Crocogator, and so on.

"It's... not much..." Toshiko said.

"It's perfect," you said with a grin. "Now, about that movie..."

Toshiko nodded, and hurried over to a remote, handing it to you. "If you can find it, I want to try another immersion test, is that okay? Nothing giant, and I know you didn't eat long ago, but I'd like to make something you might eat in Hiroshima. I think you'll like it, though I make it really spicy, is that okay?"

You stepped over to the table, and then sat down on one of the pillows. Toshiko eyed you carefully, seeing you lean on the table as your legs sprawled to the side, fiddling with the remote. Toshiko went into her little kitchen, quickly getting to work with a few things. "Luckily, I'd prepped most of the things earlier, like the pork and the sauce."

Once you found the movie in the myriad of streaming channels, you turned around just in time to see Toshiko set down a tray in front of you, and then she went back for a second tray. One bowl of red broth, filled with sesame seeds, sat next to a plate of pork, noodles, vegetables, and an egg. "I hope you like it, they call it--"

"Tsukemen," you said, eyeing it like you'd seen it before. "It's different from ramen, I know, very popular in the Hiroshima region." Toshiko watched you carefully, her mouth open again, as she listened to the fluent Japanese you were speaking without you even realizing it. "The cold ingredients are dipped in the hot broth to eat, instead of having everything in one bowl. It's like the okonomiyaki they cook in the region that's unique from the typical Kansai style..."

Toshiko looked so happy hearing you speak as she brought over her own tray, setting it down while you picked up your chopsticks, taking noodles to dip in the broth and then take a bite. She watched you carefully as you took a bite. "It's so delicious!" you exclaimed, taking another slurping bite. You adjusted your posture, sitting at the table and using chopsticks as if you had been doing this every day of your life. "The flavors and spices in the broth, the cook for the pork. It's amazing that someone of your questionable work ethic could make something so delicious."

You froze the moment you finished that sentence, as Toshiko stared at you, the hurt evident in her eyes. "I'm so, so sorry," you said, your hands over your mouth, again speaking normal English. "It just... came out, I didn't mean that to... I promise I didn't mean..."

"I believe you," she whispered, looking down, a tear in her eye. "I pushed too far. I didn't think something like this dish would evoke so much memory within her... it's okay."

You scrambled from your seat, forgetting the meal as you hurried around to the other side, to hold onto Toshiko in a spontaneous embrace. "No, it's not okay. You don't deserve words like that, whether Hotaru or I meant it or not. I really am sorry, I don't want you to be hurt by me."

More tears welled up in Toshiko's eyes, as she buried herself into your shoulder, sobbing and gripping you tightly. "I'd wanted so long to hear those words from Hotaru...! I'd hoped one day she would apologize. It wasn't her, but you make it feel so real..." She peeked up from your shoulder, looking into your eyes. You had a little tear in your eye as well, which she reached up to wipe away. "Can I ask for something?"

You nodded, wanting to do whatever it took to help her feel better. "Anything you need, anything at all."

"Can I call you Hotaru?" She asked, looking at you. "That version of Hotaru, the one that said those words, I want to forget. But I don't want to think of this as someone inside Hotaru and controlling her... I want this to be the new Hotaru, to forget that there's anyone but this woman who you are in that head, that you could be my dream Hotaru. Would you be okay with that?"

Looking carefully at her, you nodded, taking a deep breath and hugging her tighter. "I'll be any version of Hotaru you like. Or, more accurately..." you smiled, realizing you had a little bit of Japanese right on the tip of your tongue, still with enough of a connection to speak it, this time at will. "It's nice to meet you, my name is Kamigawa Hotaru, and I hope we can be good friends."

Your little peace offering, in full Japanese, worked like a charm. Soon, Toshiko was all smiles again, drying her eyes. "Ah, that is so wonderful to hear! If you will allow me to mold you into my dream friend, I will be beyond happy. So, first thing's first..."

It seemed Toshiko had some ideas for what you might do with her. She clenched her fists in excitement before she came up with her first thought.