Westville isn't like other colleges

"Our curriculum here at Westville is very unique," says Irene Kelly. "Instead of learning regular subjects, you're all going to be learning about sex."

You hear gasps in the crowd.

"In ten days you will have the opportunity to transfer out of Westville," she says. "You will be able to transfer to Temple, Rutgers, or the University of Delaware. But I promise that by that time most of you will no longer want to leave."

You hear people talking amongst themselves, you're not sure what to think.

"In addition, there's something that all of you may not know about each other," she says. "Nearly 38% of you have a penis instead of a vagina. However, this does not make you any less of a woman."

"Okay, now everybody reach under your chair. The laptop and everything in the bag are yours," she says. "When you open your laptop, it'll open right to registration for classes."

You pull out a nice black laptop that just says Westville on it. As soon as you open it it goes to a page that says Create A Schedule.

"Okay. So everyone here takes six classes instead of five, but there is less homework so the workload is the same," says Irene Kelly. "Everyone is required to take three classes: First is P on V sex, where you have sex with people who have different parts. Second is V on V or P on P sex, depending on what parts you have. Third is Group Sex, where you have sex with a bunch of people at once."

You pick out the three required classes at times that you like. You can see classes filling up and running out of space in front of your eyes. Eventually every one of the required classes are full.

"Now you can pick three electives, make sure they are 100 level courses because you're freshmen," she says.

You scroll through and pick out three electives, quickly because they keep disappearing.