Well, yeah.

I closed my eyes tightly for a second, sighed and looked over at Jenna. She wasn't shaking or making any sounds, but otherwise, she really looked like she was crying. Or like she was waiting for me to leave so she could start. Even just going over what I was going to say in my mind made me feel like a tool, saying it out loud was gonna suck bad.

"Hey, Jenna," I asked timidly. She didn't respond. Like, at all, which I guess meant she was listening. "...okay, I'm gonna start this off by saying, yeah, I'm kind of an asshole."

"...i know. and?"

"And...it turns out that you don't have to worry about getting pregnant. Isn't that, swell?" I tripped on which word to use for half a second, and landed on one even my parents would have considered outdated.

"What are you talking about?"

I told her about the doctor visit, the sample and what the hospital and clinics found out about it, capping it all off with an upbeat "See, everything's alright" and a desire to punch myself in the face. Jenna was quiet for a second, then pulled her face out of her palms. Her red eyes told me that she knew how to cry silently (and a few things that might imply), while her red face told me she was about to say something extremely unkind to me.

"you...absolute dick," she muttered, then repeated much louder and shriek-ier. "You absolute dick! Why would you let me think my life was...? Do you not understand how anyone would have taken that? Are you an actual sociopath!? It wasn't even a funny joke! Jesus, what the _fuck_ is wrong with you!?"

Dear God, it would have been satisfying to tell her she'd earned being the butt of a joke with all the mean, petty bullshit she pulled on pretty much everyone but Brad. I kept the option on the table, but for the moment, I just let her vent.

But she didn't. She shook her head and groaned in frustration. "Well, thanks for letting me know the cum sloshing around in me is as useless as you are, at least! That's slightly nicer than just making me worry for the next few months. Oh, and for turning my well-deserved and briefly kinda-enjoyable **** into the third scariest minute or so of my life. Really appreciate that!"

"Look, nobody here is saying what I did was cool...wait, that was only the third scariest?"

"ugh! The other two were waiting for juries to read their verdicts in cases that anyone who can actually read a newspaper would know my dad was involved in. And don't get all concerned about me now! It's not gonna make me forget about what you did and what I'm gonna do about it. Like, I have to get you back for that. You know this, right?"

"Can't wait."