We Can't Go Anywhere Quiet, Can We?

Chief Heriot seems to have decided that we're the harmless sort of stowaways, if the way her expression's softened over the course of our introduction is any indication. I fact, she's just invited us to help ourselves to complementary refreshments - including such exotic delights as actual Earth-imported apple juice - before the door hisses open and a young woman with the same jumpsuit and rifle as the man we passed on the way here gets bullied through it by a pair of Drahvin. They look at the Doctor and I curiously for an instant, then round on Chief Heriot.

"There has been an incident," one of them announces, "two of our party are missing form their quarters and this-" She strides up to the Station Chief and holds out a retro-futuristic tablet with an image of a smashed-up robotic... worm thingy on it. "-was discovered inside." Chief Heriot's eyes widen in alarm and she immediately touches what I originally assumed was a pin badge on the collar of her outfit. "This is Station Chief Heriot, we have confirmed presence of a Cybermat on Wakeford-082," she says tensely, "I'm ordering a full lockdown and quarantine." A siren whoops for a few seconds, then a voice crackles over what is now clearly a two-way communicator or some sort. "Lockdown and quarantine confirmed, Chief Heriot," a calm male voice replies, "and the Drahvin fleet just signaled their acknowledgement; nothing gets in or out. Good luck in there."

"Anything approaching or leaving this station is going to be destroyed," she elaborates to the four - presumably the guard is already familiar with the implications of a lockdown - of us, "it's a policy put in place after the Cybermen attempted to use this place as an invasion vector forty years ago." She turns to the guard. "Please accompany the Drahvin back to their party and explain the situation," she says, then turns to us as the Drahvin turn and march off, leaving the poor guard to chase after them, "I'll let you and your companion return to your own quarters, Doctor Smith." She then turns and marches out of a different door, presumably to wherever the nerve center of this place is.

"Got to say," the Doctor muses, retrieving a metal card from her pocket and turning it over in her hand, "I wasn't expecting to get sussed out this quickly. A very smart girl, is Zoe." She shoves the card back into her pocket and turns to me. "She liked to think she was smarter than me sometimes, but really she was just more focused." She fishes a pin badge communicator like Chief Heriot's out and attaches it to her collar, before turning and strutting back the way we came. "Nice of her to give us a free pass and a radio, though," she says breezily, "come on, we'll use the TARDIS scanners to look for any more Cybermats."

"Wasn't there supposed to be a guard holding that," I ask glibly when we spot a discarded rifle next to a scuffed-looking door. The Doctor just nods and we get back to the TARDIS without turning up any further evidence of skullduggery. She taps a few keys on the scanner, then inserts the communicator badge into a slot on the console and flips a switch. "You there, Zoe," she asks. There's a brief pause before the communicator crackles into life as it connects to the console. "Absolutely, Doctor," Chief Heriot's voice replies, "and I must say that I love your new look - even if it's rude to come wearing the same outfit as another guest."

"Oh, I haven't had a chance to cum wearing this one yet," the Doctor fires back, "and anyway, we've got bigger problems. One of your guards is missing between the room you met us in and... storage bay seven. We found his rifle and evidence of a struggle." There's a brief pause, then a sigh from the other end. "He's back here, safe and sound and acting very out of sorts. I'll put him in the brig," Chief Heriot replies, "I can just fabricate a record showing he has ties to Island Earth as a cover and then erase it once this has blown over." The Doctor frowns at the mention of fake charges, but doesn't seem to have the time to complain. "Alright, we're going to-" The console pings. "-follow this Cybermat reading we just picked up and let you know if we find anything. Come on, John," she calls out as she rushes out the door. We're halfway down the corridor before I can ask her if she remembered the communicator and she makes a face.

"It'll be fine," she waves it off confidently, "don't you worry. Right, anything about Cybermen in what you've read?" I think for a moment. There wasn't much, but I got the basics - and that means I can fuck around with them. "Lots of different origins," I eventually say. "Normally, they're the descendants of a failed attempt by the Mondasians to survive their dying planet. They're normally known as Cybersluts because the Mondasians used mental conditioning of an overwhelming need for the species to continue in order to stop their cyborgs going crazy and that was somehow corrupted into an overwhelming need to reproduce. It's normal for that need to combine with the biological urges of the people they convert into a weird need to be as sexualised and promiscuous as possible, and over the centuries that's lead to them choosing sexualised and promiscuous women for conversion - forming a feedback loop of preferably-slutty female victims leading to always-slutty female cyborgs who select preferably-slutty female victims to turn into always-slutty female cyborgs." I take a deep breath to recover from what I've just rattled off. "That about right?"

"They also convert men," the Doctor replies, "but since they convert them into, as you say, 'slutty female cyborgs' you basically got it right. Last time they were here they were also controlling some of the crew to act as agents aboard the station without converting them, so I guess that's what they did to our man from before." I frown. "Then why not the Drahvin, too," I ask, "or did they just get noticed too quickly?" The Doctor shrugs and squats down next to the wall, before producing her sonic screwdriver and running it along the base of the wall. There's a hiss, and a section of it slides up into the ceiling to reveal a dimly-lit corridor. "No idea," the Doctor finally answers me in a distracted tone, "but I suspect we'll find out soon." And with that not-at-all-foreboding remark, we step into the corridor and the false wall closes behind us.

"We've lost contact with the search party now too, Ma'am," the radio operator announced. Zoe Heriot massaged her temples and tried not to sigh in frustration. At least we know they're aboard this time, she reassured herself, and there's a fleet on alert if they try and sneak through to Earth. She was just about to try contacting the Doctor again, despite the futility of it, when the radio crackled into life.

"Are you there, Ma'am," the first missing security team's leader asked, voice full of concern.

"We read you," Zoe replied. There was a sigh of relief audible form the other end. "Something's interfering with our communicators near the hydroponics bay," the team leader continued, "we were able to pick up another team saying they were coming to find us, but by the time we got to their position they were gone. We had to cycle through obsolete frequencies to contact you."

No coincidence that the all-female team is the one that actually vanishes, Zoe mused, this definitely isn't just some ancient Cybermats that someone reactivated. "Alright," she continued aloud, "get back here on the double and call in if you find anything abnormal on the way."

"Roger that, Ma'am."

I'm really wishing you hadn't forgotten to take your communicator out of the TARDIS, Doctor.