Wario

Wario was sulking back to his dorm, having fared poorly at his latest training session. Actually, poorly was an understatement: in a 4-person free-for-all, he somehow managed to get fourth. FOURTH! And what's worse, all of his opponents were girls! Losing to one would have been bad enough, but three?!? That was inconceivable!

"Bah, cheaters, all of them!" he grumbled to himself. It was the only logical explanation. After all, there was no reason he shouldn't have gotten first: he had even cleverly managed to sneak a pair of Bob-ombs into the 'no items' match. If he still got last place despite giving himself such a strong tactical advantage, on top of already being the best character on the roster, then they had to have been cheating as well.

As Wario stewed in his own indignation, his foot bumped against an unmarked box just sitting in the middle of the hallway. "Wa? What's this?"

He picked up the box and inspected every side of it. There was no markings or labels of any kind, not even a return address. He shook it and heard something rattling around inside.

Wario looked down one end of the hall, then the other. Seeing no one coming from either direction, he snickered devilishly to himself and waddled off to his room, prize in hand. If whoever this box was for wanted it so bad, they shouldn't have left it out where anyone could have taken it.

"Interesting... veeeeeery interesting,"

Wario had spent the past hour reading over the instructions for his newest acquisition. Upon first opening the box, he had been disappointed to find what appeared to be a remote control with no device to control. Luckily, the instruction pamphlet fell out of the box just as he was about to chuck it out the window, and his curiosity won out. Now understanding the true power of this swapping device, he mulled over what he could do with it.

Right away, Wario dismissed the idea of swapping anything about himself. He already had the ideal male body operating at peak performance, he had no intention of giving up his life as the incredibly wealthy head of a successful micro-game company, and his fashion sense was downright impeccable. The only thing he might have been willing to try was relationship swapping to get the adoration and respect he so clearly deserved, but with no clear idea of how much of an impact it'd have on the other parts of his life he was hesitant to risk it. Plus, Waluigi was a total bro, so swapping away his friendship with the bean pole was out of the question.

"Grrr... if only my life wasn't already so perfect!" Wario fumed, "Then I could actually use this for something!"

His shouting woke up Yoshi, who had been napping in his nest at the other end of the room. The green dinosaur groggily looked in Wario's direction, then, seeing the strange item he was holding, cocked its head and let out a curious, "Yuh?"

"Don't even think about it," Wario snapped, "This is mine, got it? Mine! Not food for you."

Yoshi blinked at Wario, then curled up and went back to sleep.

"Stupid overgrown lizard," Wario grumbled, "Why couldn't the Hands have shacked me up with one of the hotties? At least then I'd have a bit of eye... candy..."

Wario looked down at the device, then back at Yoshi. Then back at the device. Then back at Yoshi. Then back at the device once more.

Wario cackled deviously, eliciting an annoyed growl from the unsuspecting dino. Just because he wasn't planning on using the device on himself didn't mean he still couldn't benefit from it. He could do a body or life swap between Yoshi and one of the many, many hot girls here and get whoever he wanted as a roommate. And if they ended up with Yoshi's clothes, or more accurately lack of clothes, he would be in absolute heaven.

In fact, why stop there? He had seen an option on the remote that would let him make a target aware of the swap occurring. He could use that option to get back at those girls who unfairly beat him earlier by giving them humiliating swaps and let them freak out about the results. Heck, he could even make everyone aware of the swap to cause maximum chaos if he really wanted to, though he'd have to be careful how he did it if he didn't want the Hands to find out and take away his new toy.

"Oh, you and I are going to have so much fun, little remote," the fat man said, "Soon everyone here will learn what happens when you try to pull one over on Wario! WA HA HA!"