Wardrobe Malfunction while Hiking

About a year ago I started a new job in a very male dominated field. So we’re at a teambuilding retreat and bunch of us had planned to go on a hike up this mountain, and I was the only woman going. I was actually stoked I love outdoorsy shit even though I’m a city girl and I had awesome boots and a good backpack and I wore a brand new sporty romper that I was in love with. Ok so we’re on the hike. It’s a pretty intense trail, hugging the side of a ravine, and even though it’s pretty shady because of the trees it’s sweltering. I’m drinking a shitload of water, and determined to keep up front with the boys. It’s me, the CEO, his son who is a VP of something or other, and then lagging behind is a couple of the older finance guys.

So obviously, I’m drinking all this water to stay hydrated, and I realize I’ve made a strategic mistake in my wardrobe choices for the day. Not the kind of fashion to be popping a quick squat in. We stop for a break at a switchback and I am absolutely bursting for a pee. Apparently there’s an outhouse up at the summit but that’s like 2 more hours at least. I gotta go. But to go, I basically have to take the entire fucking romper off. So I bite the bullet and slip down off the trail slightly so I can have a slight amount of privacy, important given i need to pull the entire romper down to my ankles. So I find a nice spot and while it’s super steep, I find that I can lean against a stump with a couple bushes in front of me that block the view from the trail and maintain a bit of feminine dignity. I pull off the jumpsuit, underwear, and do my business. Clean myself up and I start to pull it back on and feel a sudden twinge of panic as the stump I’m leaning against shifts, and then, fuck, it collapses over with a big cracking sound. It’s going down the ravine.

And I’m going ass backwards down with it, crashing down this cliff with my underwear and entire outfit still around my ankles. I bounce through a couple bushes, which snag all of that clothing, tumble off another short drop and end up in a creekbed a good hundred feet down from the trail. My ankle is throbbing. My left arm is throbbing. I’ve got scratches all over. And the only scrap of clothing I have on is a sportsbra. I’m bottomless except for my hiking boots. I can see my romper somewhere up in the bushes, but no sign of my underwear at all.

Obviously this made quite a racket, and my boss figures something bad happened and he and his son are coming down like as a search party. I try to meekly say I’m fine, but I actually cannot walk at this point, can barely get to my feet.

So I have to bite the bullet and call for help. And down they come, to find me basically buck ass naked from the tits down, trying and failing to cover my crotch and hold on at the same time. It’s futile, anyways, cuz they both have to come help my dumb ass up the cliff, and grab my ripped clothing on the way back (never found the undies).

I will never forget the utter humiliation of my 60 something boss and his hot 30 something son helping me pull on my clothing up over my bruised butt, and them and the creeper old finance guys feasting their horny eyes over my crotch the entire rescue operation. Boss says it was ‘no big deal’ but sir, you have seen my whole ass pussy.