Verify it's him and Janet in the pictures.

'Well, Chris, the first thing we need to do is to prove it's Janet and yourself in the pictures. No, just saying so doesn't prove it, we need to be sure because there's a hell of a difference between a couple making private pictures and a professional pornographer. So, what distinguishing marks does Janet have that we can inspect?'

Chris replies - 'Erm, she has a small mole on her stomach, just above and to the right of her pubic hair'. He pales, realising the implications of what he's just said.

'Anything else? Because if not we'll have to ask you to bring her in here and drop her knickers for me to take a good look'. He looks sick as he tries to think of something.

'Chris, we've seen her from all angles', he almost vomits as you say that, 'and we can't see anything else. So I suggest you go and tell Janet what's happening and then bring her here.

You watch as he leaves the room. He hasn't noticed a couple of things yet - first that you always speak in the plural, and second that the only part of him in any of the pictures is his erection and his balls.

Pretty soon you hear 2 pairs of feet coming down the stairs...............