Uncertain mom

Sitting in the backseat, the scent in my nose was no longer the rubber smell of the stadium, but the faint, comforting fragrance emanating from my mother.

Her back was strong and sturdy. Riding on the electric scooter, the evening breeze blowing, I sat up slightly and could feel through her oversized coat the smooth contours and firm muscle definition of her frame.

We rode in silence until we stopped at a supermarket entrance.

The moment we stepped inside, the aroma of fresh fruits, vegetables, and deli meats hit us. I stayed close to Mom, her upper body still hidden by that oversized coat. Yet beneath her tight pants, her rounded hips and long, shapely legs stood out even more under the supermarket's bright lights.

Nearly every man who passed us, young or old, instinctively slowed his pace. Their gazes stuck uncontrollably to my mother's lower body—a scrutiny laced with appraisal and desire.

I instinctively moved closer to her, as if this could shield her from those invisible invasions. But my mother seemed long accustomed to it. Keeping her eyes straight ahead, she walked directly toward the fresh produce section.

We stopped before a freezer. She opened the door, picked up a box of packaged pork ribs, studied the price tag and expiration date, then frowned. She placed the ribs back and picked up a slightly smaller box beside it for comparison.

Though Mom tried to hide it, those few seconds of silence and hesitation made my heart ache.

"Mom, just get the big one. I can finish it," I blurted out.

She glanced back at me, a flicker of embarrassment in her eyes before she regained her composure. "You can't just eat meat. You need to eat more vegetables."

Saying this, she still picked up the smaller package of ribs.

I knew it wasn't because she worried I couldn't finish it, but because the larger box cost over ten yuan more.

Before checkout, we passed the small appliances section. Seeing the brand-new eye-protecting desk lamps on the shelves, I thought of the dim, old lamp in my room. Almost as if compelled, I blurted out, "Mom, my lamp... it's been flickering lately. Reading under it strains my eyes."

Mom stopped in her tracks and followed my gaze.

Her eyes lingered for a few seconds on the lamps priced at several hundred yuan, her lips tightening slightly.

"Is that so? Well... once I get paid next month, I'll buy you a new one, okay?"

"Okay." I nodded immediately, feeling a twinge of regret at my thoughtlessness.

Truthfully, I'd long known our family's situation.

When I was very young, my father was arrested for embezzling public funds to gamble. Not only did he squander every last penny of our savings, but he also racked up a mountain of debt. All these years, Mom has shouldered the entire burden alone.

She had once been a national champion, the brightest star on the track. But after retiring, her coaching career remained mediocre. The athletes she trained performed decently at the provincial level, but they always fell short at national competitions.

Without results, there were no bonuses. Her salary was just a fixed wage.

Each month, just paying off the debts and mortgage from back then left her gasping for air. She was such a proud woman, yet she found herself hesitating for ages in front of the freezer over a difference of a few dollars.

The moment she closed the door behind her at home, her entire demeanor relaxed.

She walked into the bedroom, shedding her oversized coat to reveal the form-fitting, sexy sports top beneath. When she emerged again, she was dressed in casual loungewear.

It was a gray cotton T-shirt, faded from repeated washes. Judging by the size and style, it was likely one of my father's hand-me-downs.

Though oversized, it couldn't conceal the outline of her ample breasts, which formed a full curve beneath the fabric, gently swaying with each step.

Her lower body was clad in athletic shorts that barely reached her thighs, fully exposing her straight, toned legs to the air.

In this homey yet sexy look, Mom walked into the kitchen, tied on an apron, and began preparing that hard-earned sweet and sour spare ribs dish for me.

Dinner was simple: besides the temptingly glazed spare ribs, there was only a plate of stir-fried greens.

Mom pushed the ribs toward me. "Eat up. You need the nutrients."

"Mom, you eat too." I picked up the largest piece and placed it in her bowl.

"I will, I will."

She replied with a smile, yet only took a symbolic bite of the piece I offered. For the rest of the meal, her chopsticks never touched the ribs again, instead constantly picking at the greens to accompany her rice.

Mom ate quietly, with intense focus.

Under the lamp, her head bowed, revealing a stretch of fair, graceful nape. The wide neckline of her old T-shirt opened slightly as she leaned forward. Glancing up, I caught sight of the deep cleavage shrouded in shadow.

My throat felt inexplicably dry, while my mind spiraled into uncontrollable thoughts.

Realizing I'd harbored such shameful thoughts about my mother, my cheeks instantly flushed. I quickly lowered my head and shoveled rice into my mouth.

After dinner, I volunteered to clear the table and wash the dishes, but my mother stopped me.

She pushed me out of the kitchen: "That's enough. Go read your books. Your studies come first. I'll handle this."

I returned to my room and shut the door, but I couldn't focus on my book. All I could hear was the splashing water and the soft clinking of dishes from the kitchen.

After what felt like an eternity, the water stopped. The living room fell silent for a moment, then my phone rang.

Mom answered quickly, her voice tinged with cautious respect.

"Hello, Director Wang... Yes, it's me."

"The team's in good shape... I even gave them extra training today. They're all fired up."

"The results... Rest assured, I'm extremely confident about this qualifying round! It won't be like last time!"

"Yes, yes, I know. I understand how important this competition is... Yes, it's not just about our provincial team's funding for this year, but also... also about my contract..."

"Rest assured, Director Wang, I guarantee I'll accomplish the mission! I will... I will deliver results!"

After hanging up, the living room fell into a deathly silence.

I held my breath in my room, afraid even the sound of turning pages might disturb the stillness.

I dared not imagine the expression on my mother's face as she sat alone in the living room—a face pushed to the edge of a cliff, desperate yet stubborn.