Trina, my good friend and neighbour

I freeze and try to calm myself down. It could be anyone. Anyone at all.

I throw on my robe and rush to the door. I veer through the peephole and see Trina, my close friend and neighbour from across the street, as well has her boyfriend, whose name I can't remember.

I compose myself as best as I can before opening the door.

"Hey!" I say, my voice cracking, "What's up?"

"Wow... did you just roll out of bed?" Trina asks, "You look like hell."

"I've had a bad morning," I reply.

"Well maybe this will make it a bit better." Trina hands me a card, "Max and I are getting married, and we'd love for you to come to our engagement party! It's just a small get-together for our closest friends and family. We're hosting it at Max's brother's place next weekend. Oh! And Max just moved in with me yesterday, so you two should really get to know each other better."

"What?" I reply. They'd only just started seeing each other around two months ago.

"It's sudden, but when you've found the one, you know," Max says. He hugs Trina's waist and kisses her on the cheek.

"Well congratulations... I'll definitely be there," I reply, anxious for them to leave so I can sort out my penile problem.

"We'll leave you to your morning routine, I guess. There are some more invitations we need to deliver today," Trina says before turning to go, "Sorry about the short notice."

"Have a good day!" I shout as they walk down my driveway. Max waves without turning to face me.

It's really weird that Trina would get engaged so suddenly. She has trouble even making her mind up on what board game to play when I invite our friends over, let alone deciding who to marry, but I have bigger issues right now.

I hurry to my computer and start frantically looking for any way to safely remove the CyberLock and find forum after forum of other guys asking the same question. They all received the same responses from CyberLock tech support: it's impossible. There are no digital backdoors, either, because that could compromise customer security.

My options are either to find the keyholder or have it physically broken off, which would likely result in unpredictable and permanent damage to my genitals.

I'll have to wait and hope whoever claimed my device exposes themselves.