Transfer at the Next Stop

Roy liked the way the early morning made the world feel thinner, like it was still trying to decide whether or not it wanted to exist. It was those times, alone on the commute, that Roy felt he needed to centre himself, to become ready for the chaos that the office could sometimes hold.

That morning he was out of the apartment faster than usual, keys in hand before his brain had time to argue. Despite the late night, despite his exhaustion that morning, he hadn't allowed himself to tarry. Roy had a busy day ahead of him, and allowing himself to sink into self-loathing over the hand he'd been dealt was not on the agenda. Besides, he reminded himself, having a life where women were constantly throwing themselves at you would have been his dream as a teenager. Maybe he shouldn't complain as much.

Not that Roy was abandoning his morals. It was a decision to try to be more pragmatic. The women were going to fall for him no matter what he did, so maybe it was time to just accept the inevitable. Whining never helped anyone.

The hallway lights were still dimmed, the building humming in that half-asleep way that reminded him of a hospital at night. He didn't run into anyone. No awkward small talk. No one asking how he was doing.

Good.

The car started on the first turn. That felt like a small miracle. He rolled the windows down even though it was still early, letting the warm air slide in, carrying that faint city smell: pavement, grass, something blooming he couldn't quite place. The radio was already tuned to the folk station. Acoustic guitar, soft harmonies. The kind of music that sounded like someone strumming on a porch somewhere far away.

The roads were almost empty. A couple of delivery vans. One early jogger crossing against the light. The rest of the city still dreaming. He should have felt relieved. Instead, his mind immediately filled the space.

Yesterday he had woken up in the reality of having two girlfriends, a mother and a daughter. It was an uneasy reality to accept, but Roy had made a plan and followed through with it, all with the goal of doing the right thing.

But today he was going to see the fruit of his plan. He was sure of it. Yes, there would be work to be done; meetings, reports, and quality control didn't just create themselves. Roy would have to focus on the tasks ahead of him, but in the back of his mind he was sure that at some point he'd feel it, the transferring of the relationship from Claire to... well... whoever!

Anyone but his girlfriend's daughter!

So today was the day.

He didn't know when. But he was sure that he had the wish figured out. At some point, because he'd climaxed while he was with Claire, she would suddenly forget that she was ever with him, and he'd be introduced to a new stranger who was head-over-heels in love with him. That had to be it. He'd done it with Charlotte, Tabitha, and with Elaine. And now with Claire.

Still, there was the unresolved question about why Elaine had stayed with him. What he hoped it was, what his heart ached for, was that it was real. More real than the other women. More real than any woman he'd met in his life. For some reason, Roy loved Elaine. Maybe it was because she had been just the right kind of **** when they met. Maybe it was fate. Whatever the case, he was more than elated to have her in his life.

He hadn't felt the same way about Beautiful Charlotte, nor had he about exciting, chaotic Tabitha. And Claire...

Oh...

There was a moment in the night. No. More than a moment. That wouldn't count, would it? Roy felt something real with Elaine. Last night he'd just given himself permission to fall into the fantasy, to play along. So it had felt real at the time, but that love was fleeting, just while they were lovers. There was no way the wish would keep him with both of them, was there?

His stomach tightened at the thought.

His phone buzzed in the cup holder. He waited until he hit a red light, then he glanced down to read the text message.

ELAINE: so??? how did the date with Claire-Bear go??

He swallowed.

The screen felt too bright in the dim car. Claire-Bear. A perfect nickname for a daughter from a loving mother. A loving mother sharing her boyfriend with that daughter.

Roy didn't type anything back. He told himself it was because he was driving. That was part of it.

The other part was the way his chest tightened when he thought about Claire's smile. The way she'd leaned in close when she laughed. The way it had felt easy, too easy, to imagine more. To imagine her in his space. In his bed.

Claire was the first woman to come to his apartment for romance. The first woman to join him in bed. She wouldn't be the last, unless he somehow figured out how to stop this wish, but she was certainly the first. And a memorable first. How long would it be before he was able to bring a woman to bed without seeing Claire's face?

He set the phone face-down and focused on the road.

A bus rumbled up in the lane beside him, big and white, windows fogged slightly from breath and bodies. Packed with commuters. Faces blurred together; coats, scarves, earbuds, someone sipping coffee from a travel mug.

He glanced up at it.

And that was when it hit him.

The hair on his arms lifted. Like static before a lightning strike. And the world didn't exactly spin, it tilted. Just for a second. The colours felt sharper, the air thicker. His stomach dropped the way it did on an elevator that started too fast.

Oh no.

Oh no no no.

His heart kicked into his ribs.

Not now.

Not here.

His mind raced through it in a rush of cold logic and raw panic. If it activated now, on that bus, it could be anyone. Any woman, any age, any life. A stranger. Someone he'd never even noticed before. Someone who'd just be... there. Slotted into his life like it had always been that way.

No Claire.

****.

No control.

He tightened his grip on the wheel, knuckles going pale.

Please don't let it be someone on the bus. Please.

The bus pulled ahead. The moment passed. The air seemed to thin again. The world slid back into its normal shape.

But Roy didn't.

His heart was still racing. That was when the thought hit him, quiet, ugly, impossible to ignore. He had kept telling himself that today was going to be different. That today he had a plan. That today he might finally get ahead of it.

But watching the bus pull away, he was reminded that he'd never had control. Not really.

Not with Elaine.

Not with any of them.

He'd just been reacting this whole time. Adjusting. Rationalizing. Pretending that small choices could outmaneuver something that clearly didn't care what he wanted.

The guitar on the radio slid into a soft instrumental break. Warm air rushed through the open windows. The city finally started to wake up around him.

Roy barely noticed. All he could think was: It's coming.

And no matter how much he planned, no matter how badly he wanted to believe he could steer it...

He'd never really been in control at all.