Time for a strategy meeting

“How am I gonna beat Sabrina? If she’s as strong as Master Kim said, I don’t stand a chance…” you mope.

“You could always consider getting a Dark-type pokemon, or at least one that knows a Dark-type attack…” Professor Stump says, mulling your situation over.

“Umm, Dark-type?” you ask. “There isn’t such a thing. Professor, are you alright?”

“Ugh, this again. This is gonna give me a headache,” Stump grumbles. “Pull up a type chart online. Make sure it’s current.” You follow her instructions, opening a chart reflecting the strengths and weaknesses of all pokemon types. “You see those last three columns? Dark, Steel, and Fairy?”

“Oh yeah, I’ve seen these before,” you answer. “These are just people’s made up types though, right? Like a wishlist?”

Professor Stump sighs. “No. Dark-type is real.”

You stare at her blankly for several seconds. This feels like a scene where she’s telling you magic is real, and you’re supposed to act all shocked. But magic’s not real, and neither is this edgy “Dark-type” she’s talking about. Maybe it’s best to just humor her.

“Ohhh…” you whisper, “like pokemon that control shadows and negative energy? Wow, that sounds cool.”

“No, Ghost-types are the ones with those attacks.” What? Since when!? “Dark-types use attacks that are just… mean. Evil. Like stealing an item, or pursuing a fleeing opponent.”

“Oh, that’s just impossible,” you state, unable to keep the charade up any longer. “Pokemon aren’t evil. Maybe their trainers are, so they sometimes do evil things, but there are no ‘Evil’-type pokemon. That’s obvious.”

Stump drops her head onto her desk for several seconds, breathes deeply, then picks it back up and continues. “They’re not really evil per se. It’s more that they channel the power of evil. The pokemon can have good intentions, but they’re still aligned with things that humans have labeled as evil.”

“That’s ridiculous! Robbers don’t just ‘channel the power of robbery’ if they rob a bank. They’re robbers! But pokemon aren’t evil, so they’d never use the ‘power’ of evil for anything. Sorry Professor, I know you’re really smart about pokemon, but philosophy’s a different story. This Dark-type thing just doesn’t make any sense. You really believe this? Or maybe you’re the one who came up with it in the first place. Did you upload this type chart yourself?” You snicker. It feels good to finally be the smart one for once. It’s a shame it had to be at Professor Stump’s expense, though. Maybe you should buy her a gift to make it up for her. Something cool and edgy, to appeal to her newfound obsession with darkness. Snrk.

Stump screams in frustration. “I can’t deal with this! Just go find a god damned pokemon who knows Bite, okay!?”

“But Professor, Bite is a Normal-type move. How will that help against Psy-”

*click*