Thwompette (Best Girl)

(Credit to Supersatanson for the art. Found on his twitter page.)

Super Crown firmly in his grip Mario dashes through level after level, sprinting at full tilt at all times, in his lustful desire to get to Bowser. Since he stole the crown from Toadette there was only one thing on the heroic plumber's blue ball maddened mind.

"That son of a bitch." Mario thinks. "All this shit he's put me through over the years. Rescuing Peach time and time and time again. And for what? A birthday handjob if I'm lucky! I'm sick of this shit. Bowser's gonna get his. I'll turn him girl and hate fuck the shit out of him! I'll have him calling me Daddy by the end. That'll put that old Koopa in his place AND I'll finally get my rocks off good and proper."

Down another flag pole, another level done. This was getting too easy.

Down the pipe into the underworld, almost there now. Mario grins as his grip on the crown tightens. He can't stop a smile from coming to his mustachioed face. He licks his lips. He just needed to get through this one last level. At the end awaited Bowser and that cock teasing bitch princess, maybe she'd learn a thing to or two from watching.

Mario starts his way through the level. Jump, duck, run, slide, jump. All the old moves which have served him so well. He wasn't powered up, not even a super mushroom. If he was hit it was back to the beginning of the level. Mario didn't care however, he had 99 lives and a hard on that would not be denied!

He continues to hurry his way forward. Jump, jump, duck, run, jump. Over lava and around spinning balls of fire. Ever forward.

He is slowed down this time however. This time both his hands were full. In his left, the crown. In his right...the REAL super Mario. The hero had unzipped his fly and his big hard hairy Italian salami was in his stroking hand. He wanted to be ready the moment he saw that big scaly bastard.

Mario's impatience and hampered movements however end up being his downfall.

Mario is rushing through a straight, seemingly empty, stone corridor. His mind full of images of what was about to happen he forgets the dangers of this stretch of the level. It is too late he hears the grinding of stone on stone above him.

A Thwomp! Shit!

The distracted Mario desperately tries to stop and spin at the same time to look up at the source of the sound. His legs twist beneath him causing him to stumble and fall flat on this ass...his rock hard erection pointing straight up in the air. He sees the looming square shape of the Thwomp hurtling down toward him.

In a last ditch moment of desperation he throws what was in his left hands toward the trap-beast creature thing. It was pure instinct, his arm almost acting with a mind of its own. The crown flies through the air up toward the falling Thwomp. Mario misses the main body of the thing. The crown flies through the air along the Thwomp's side, its lip catches on one of the side spikes causing the it to twirl and flip through the air like a tossed coin.

As the massive stone spiked block creature is arriving at its deadly destination...the crown lands firmly atop one of the spikes along the top of its stony bulk.

"Mamma Mia!" Mario screams and covers his eyes.

THWOMP!