There’s Got To Be A Morning After

The morning came irrevocably as it always does while the new lovers rested. The empty bowl of gummy bears and empty sandwich plates remnants of their late-night dinner. The sun peeked in through the curtains shining against the silvery empty gummy bear bowl warming your face.

You try to sit up but you’re stopped by Brian’s heavy arm holding you against his own body. As much as you wanted to stay in his embrace forever a new growing urge fills you that is overwhelming your desire to never leave the large space heater that was your new boyfriend. “Boyfriend…” you think to yourself realizing that the word nor the fact seemed as odd as you thought it would. In fact, the thought seemed to make you happy.

Walking back into the room fully dressed you see Brian dressing himself. “Morning.” You smiled.

Brian turned to face you his boxer-briefs teasing you as he smiled in return. “Hey.” He walks up to you, that same nervous happy energy filled you as he took your hand kissing your lips softly holding your face with his hand. “You want to get some breakfast? I’m thinking waffles.”

“In my dress?”

“You can be the best dress girl in the IHOP.” Seeing your nervous face he continues, “We could also swing by your place and get you a change of clothes. Then waffles?” You nod. “Okay, I’ll get dressed.” He returns to his side of the bed bending over to pick up his pants.

“Take your time.” You smile devilishly enjoying the view of his well-toned posterior. He turns back to you with a smirking grin.

Despite your protest, Brian finished putting on his clothes. He paid for your wonderful night to the knowing desk clerk. Suddenly you felt all eyes on you. Did they all know? Know what you did? What you are? The few customers and workers reminded you of a national geographic episode about wolves circling their prey. You squeezed Brian’s hand even tighter. The ‘wolves’ left you undevoured. “You okay?” Brian asks opening the passenger side door for you.

“I’m fine. It feels like forever and yet...it still feels like not enough time has passed.” You sigh wanting to return to your room.

“I know,” Brian practically has to kneel but he kisses you gently anyway, “I could’ve stayed there forever. But I think eventually they’d run out of gummy bears.”

“They could always get more.” You tease.

“Yeah,” He chuckles softly, “but we can always go get our own and eat them whenever, wherever we want.”

You kiss him through the open window, “Then let’s go. All this talk of gummy bears has got me famished.”

Thoughts of last night danced along the surface of your mind as he drove you to your new dorm. Brian’s happy insistence of the inevitably of gummy bears and waffles seemed all too perfect. You never wanted to get out of the car. Not just because you knew what awaited you.

Unfortunately, Brian did take you to the dorm. You sat in the passenger seat, warily eyeing the dorm itself before looking back to Brian. “What’s wrong?”

You thought for a moment about lying, he would believe you after all. You never lied to him before...but that was the reason you couldn’t lie now. You never had before. “My dad’s here.”

“Here?” He looked around the lot for any stragglers or old men looking for their daughters.

“Well not here, here. But he’s in town. He...he wants to meet with me.”

“Oh, that’s nice, isn’t it? He probably just wants to check in on his da-” he stopped, remembering his girlfriend left for college someone’s son.

“Yeah. I don’t know how he’s going to react seeing me, he wasn’t exactly proud I wasn’t a football star like he was.”

“Hey,” He places his hand on your shoulder. “You’re going to be okay.” You looked back at him making no attempt to hide your fears. “You’re a strong, intelligent and beautiful woman. Let no one try to convince you otherwise. Not even yourself. Okay?”

You smiled up at him, something about his tone made you believe what he was saying. “In that order?”

He smiles back playfully rocking his head as if he was trying to think, “Depends on the day of the week.” You smirk at him. “If you want me too, I can be there when you talk to him.”

“You’re worried too?”

He shook his head. “No. Eventually, I should meet him. You are my girlfriend after all. So he knows you’re not dating some ne'er-do-well.”

You swallowed the boulder in your throat as you glanced at the dorm once more. The sudden soft fingers on your chin turned you back to Brian. “Everything’s going to be okay. I promise.” You believed him despite yourself.

“Brian…” You said softly.

“Doe.” He smiled back at you rubbing his thumb along the back of your hand once more.

“...I love you.”

“I love you too.” He kissed you again.

After you exchanged I love yous, and another round of kisses and promises to see one another again he walked you to your door, and after washing your face clean you finally were back in your new room. You changed into capri pants and a loose tank top and a cute blue bra. Alone in your bathroom, you twisted and turned in several girly poses inspecting your body from as many angels as possible in the tiny bathroom mirror which unfortunately wasn’t many.

“I’ll have to get a full-length mirror.” With a sigh you looked at your phone on the bed, of course, it was time. You threw yourself into your bed catching your phone on the first bounce and hit five on your speed dial.

You agreed to meet your father at Luby’s diner for dinner. Well, not so much agreed as he told you to meet him there and you didn’t really have much say in the matter.

“John?”

“Hi, daddy.” He sighed always hating your habit of calling him daddy and not pops or dad. “My...friend said you wanted to talk to me.”

“Yes, I wanted to talk about your spending habits of late.” All you had to do was buy time until Brian could get here.

“Oh? What about them?”

“You’ve been spending an awful lot of money on ladies' items.”

“I..guess a little but no more than what I usually spend on my friends.”

“Son, drinks, and parties is one thing, but you need to be careful.”

“...I don’t know what you’re trying to say. I can buy anything my frat brothers like but not my friend if she’s a girl?”

After a long sigh, he finally responds. “I know you want a girlfriend real bad,” You buried your laugh under a cough. “But you can’t let them take advantage of you.”

“...my ‘girlfriend’?”

“Right.”

It was your turn to sigh, “Daddy. I don’t have a girlfriend...well I mean. Not in that way.”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s more like a sister.”

“She did that to you? Damn son.”

“She didn’t do anything to me. She’s been a great help actually.”

“Oh, she’s one of those kinds of friends.”

“What? Ew. No.” His eyebrow cocked at your knee jerk disgust.

The waitress finally arrived with her pad and pen at the ready. “Well good evenin’. My name is Sharona. What can I get you two?”

“I’ll have a coffee. Black.” Your dad smiled politely as she wrote down his order.

“And you miss?”

“Can I get a root beer?” You skimmed the menu not noticing your dad shaking his head. “Can I get a salad and a hamburger plate?”

“Sure thing hun. Comin’ right up.” She smiled back at you before turning around to the kitchen.

Your own smile faded when you saw your dad’s face. “What?”

“That’s another thing. When are you going to cut your hair? You’re starting to look like a girl.”

“I..I like my hair like this.”

“I never should’ve let your mother talk me into letting you grow your hair out.”

“What’s my hair matter?” You pulled on it defensively as if holding it would protect it from his cutting words. “It makes me happy.”

“What are you gonna do when you get a job? They’re gonna want you to cut your hair.”

“Why would they?”

“It’s not professional for men to have long hair.”

“Maybe on a construction site but...I don’t wanna work in construction.”

“Maybe not construction but there are other jobs. Lineman. You could work at the chicken plant. You’ll have to shovel feed for a few years before you get a better position. But it’ll be good for you. Put some muscles on you. I swear you look even skinnier than the last time I saw you. You do that and get a haircut and you’ll find yourself a good woman too.”

“I think I’m smarter than that. I can-”

“I’m not saying you’re not smart. You're plenty smart. Just you need to pay your dues. It’s where I got my start.” He sighs. Or growls. You weren’t sure which. “I’ve been too easy on you.”

“You haven’t-I mean you’re a good dad...you didn’t like beat me or anything but the thing is you want me to be something I’m not.”

“Don’t say that.” He almost sounded sympathetic. “You’re my son, you have all the potential in the world.”

“...About that…” You were sweating like a waterfall. Perfect to warm your frozen skin. “Daddy...the thing is. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about who I am, who I want to be, and figuring out what I want to do.” Oh god you’re doing this.

“And what did you figure?”

“First off I…” You stopped picking your head up and looked him in the eye. “I want to dance.”

“Dance huh?”

You nodded. “I’m so tired of pretending I don’t love it.”

“And I suppose you expect to transfer to a dance school somewhere?”

“I haven’t decided on that part. I kind of don’t want to leave here. You see...I did meet someone.” He stared you down chewing on his toothpick. “...not a girl someone.” You quickly wondered if someone had snapped a metal vice on your skull.

“A boy.” He continued to stare, continued to chew on the toothpick.

“He’s really sweet daddy, he..he’s not like the other guys. The ones who take advantage of me.”

“Some guys took advantage of you?” He stopped his chewing.

“What? No not like that. Just...they only cared about my money.

“What makes you so sure he’s not only after you for your money?” His chewing resumed.

“Well the fact we’ve been going out for a while and he’s yet to let me pay for anything.”

“Uh-huh. How long?”

“...A couple of weeks.” Had it really only been that long? It felt like longer.

He sighed again, “You’re gay now.”

“I mean-” You felt a hand on your shoulder causing you to jump out of your skin and bang your knee on the table.

“Whoa! You okay?” Brian asked.

“Excuse us but we’re having a private conversation son.” Your dad barely hid his anger at this intruder.

You grabbed his hand reflexively. “No. I mean. I’m okay. Daddy-this is Brian.”

“Brian huh? That’s the one you told mom about?”

Brian sat down with a cocky smile. “You told your mom about me?”

“Maybe-shut up.” You blushed.

Your dad watched with confusion as you tucked your hair back behind your ear. The waitress returned with your orders setting the salad and burger plate in front of you. “Oh, I ordered for you. Hope that’s okay.”

“It’s all good.” he smiled offering you a fry which you happily traded for your cherry tomato. The waitress smiled before returning to her other customers.

“Well, Brian, are you the one dating my son?”

He shook his head. “No, sir.” Your dad looked over Brian and the way you wrapped your fingers in his hand.

“I hadn’t gotten to that part yet.” You whispered.

“Oh. Sorry.” Brian whispered back.

“There’s more?”

“Yes, sir.” You managed to squeak out. You cleared your throat before starting again. “Part of what I realized was that I’m not gay...I’m a girl, daddy.” Your heart pounded in your ears waiting to see how he would react.