The repair shop of course

Grumbling to myself, I fold my laptop up and chuck it into the travel case. Muttering "fuck fuck fuck" to myself the entire time I'm driving to the repair shop, I make it there in record time. Helped that I kind of ignored stop signs.

Rushing in, I put my computer on the counter. The overweight guy behind it pushes his glasses up and looks at me.

"What's wrong with it?"

"No idea man, I think I've got a virus or something."

He looks at the clock on the wall. Ten minutes until the shop closes. "Let me get your name and number and I should have it figured out by noon tomorrow. It's $25 now, and another $25 at pickup. Assuming it's just a simple virus. If it's something more complicated, it could be more."

I groan. "Shit... Man... I really need this. Like. Really, really need it. I need that computer to log into my job - I telework."

"Name. Number. $25." He looks at me. "I'm about to close. I don't want to stay late."

"Please," I plead. "Maybe it's a really simple fix..."

He sighs. "Fine, fine. I'll look at it. But if it's not super easy to deal with, you're going to have to wait until tomorrow."

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!" I exclaim breathlessly.

He opens the computer and boots it up, plugging it into another computer. "So what makes you think you have a virus?"

"Well... the webcam came on randomly for one. And then I couldn't search the web because it kept saying it was offline."

"Hmm...." He glances up at the clock. "I'll start an external virus scan. Shouldn't take more than a few minutes. While that runs, let me go ahead and write up the order. Gonna be $50 total."

I pull out my wallet and pay with my credit card. "Thank you so much man. You have no idea how grateful I am."

He waves his hand dismissively. "Yeah, yeah, whatever." Looking at the computer he says, "Ok, yeah. Looks like you did have a virus. PornMasterBates. Huh. That's a new one. Let me just look something up." He starts laughing. "Dude, you gotta lay off the porn. Apparently this is a new virus that's making the rounds out there, almost exclusively on free porn sites."

My face turns crimson. "No! I...I don't know how I got the virus! But it wasn't from porn!"

"Yeah, yeah. Sure. Whatever dude. I'm not judging. I'm just saying." He turns the computer off and packs it back in its bag. "All set. Now if you don't mind, I need to close up shop.