The best laid plans of minions and men gang oft aglee.

The vampire had found the perfect place to "buy" clothes for Glory's newest followers -- a vintage clothing shop popular with the local college crowd. She'd just finished slapping the clerk around a bit -- no toadies here to complain that she was wasting time playing with her food -- and was about to chow down when a redhead in a tacky retro-60s dress came out of a dressing room modeling a ridiculous hat.

"I saw this one first, find your own dinner," the Latina vampire snapped. "How'd you find clothes so fast, anyway?" She wasn't the sharpest cookie on the tree -- her English teacher was always berating her for mixing metaphors, and she'd only passed by doing some "extra credit" that got the man arrested for st-- well, we're getting a bit off-topic. Long story short, she was dumb. Really dumb. She made Harmony Kendall look like Dorothy Parker. But even this poor lackwit of a lackey eventually realized that she was looking at the real live Willow, not the vampiric replacement. Well, after the witch pulled out a cross, anyway. Like I said, DUMB.

"This is even better!" the vamp declared. "Take off your clothes, now!"

"The fucking vampires... that's really more a Buffy thing," Willow replied. "How about this instead?" A quick telepathic tug sent a heavy shelf crashing into the vamp's head, stunning her.

"I dinna wanna fuck ya," the vamp said groggily.

"Well, that's kind of insulting," said Willow. "Now," she asked, looking the vampire over, "I'm kind of into the neo-hippie thing and you've got more a biker-chick look going, so why did you want my clothes?"

The vamp knew she shouldn't reveal the Goddess's fiendish plan. She needed a clever lie. "Because... I want to change my look." She really wasn't great at thinking on her feet, let alone off them. The concussion probably wasn't helping either.

"You mistook me for someone. Who?" Willow demanded.

"No, no one," the vamp insisted. "I musta mistakenly mistook ya for someone I don' even know."

Willow pulled out a half liter bottle of water. "I always carry around holy water after dark, this being Sunnydale and all. What do you suppose will happen if I make you drink it?"

The Latina vampire got very chatty after that.

Meanwhile, back at the lair...

The ancient seer peered at the cards, then at the three women gathered around a table lit by a single black candle. He smiled coldly as a pattern emerged. Glory, Faith and Willow looked at him expectantly.

"Two clubs," he bid.

Faith slammed his head into the table, knocking him cold. "We're playing POKER, dumb-ass!"