The abandoned self-insert you turned into

||Note from author to author||
(Yes, this character is a self-insert with some of my real-life problems. No, I'm not expecting real therapy. I'm treating this as a game.)

What is your name, gender, orientation, and pronouns?

NAME: Wesly Ray
GENDER: Cis Male
ORIENTATION: Hetero/Bi-curious *
PRONOUNS: He/Him
* Art vs reality.

Do you have any major medical issues I should be aware of? (includes magic/inhuman traits like needing to live in water, vampire, werewolf, etc.)

• Major depressive disorder, Recurrent episode (medicated for) (psychomotor retardation, suicidal ideation, hopelessness, low energy, memory loss)
• Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, predominantly inattentive presentation (medicated for) (I still suspect combined type) (executive dysfunction, inattention, restlessness, memory loss)
• Asperger's syndrome (Autistic Spectrum Disorder) (hoping this is a misdiagnosis because of USAF examination) (obsessiveness, obliviousness, Auditory processing difficulties, social unintuitiveness)
• on anxiety medication without diagnosis. (general & social suspected. Used to have panic attacks as a child)
• Chronic Acute Achilles Tendonitis (formerly medicated for. Still needs treatment) (constant pain)
• Undiagnosed back problem, slightly curved spine. (constant pain)
• 10 Core Branching Superpowers that affect anatomy, physiology, psychology, and spirituality. Controlled directly by thought, emotion, imagination, personality, memory, trauma, dreams, desires, every aspect of the mind except will and intention. They will do what I want but not what I choose.

How would you describe your romantic relationships or sex life?
How would you describe your personality, philosophical beliefs, goals, or religious views?

Romantic Relationships: None
Sex Life: Non-existent
Personality: Bitter, weak, resentful, insecure. My youth wasn't a pleasant experience.
Behavior: Quiet, friendly, apologetic. People are kind to me now, I try to return that kindness.
Philosophical beliefs: Cynical (modern, not classic), pessimistic. Science and technology are the only things that give me hope, but it's not enough to keep me going. This isn't helped by the fact I'm now a magical being and therefore an active agent of regression.
Goals: Don't commit suicide out of fear of copycat suicides. Get back home.
Religious Views: Atheist turned agnostic by my powers and the situation they created.

You looked the form over, confused by its simplicity. You knew that it must have been missing much more than standard forms. But the only things you could think that it didn't ask were race or ethnicity, age, previous hospitalizations, or inpatient care. It didn't ask for an emergency contact, and you were grateful for that. It didn't ask for authorization to retrieve or disperse records. And that was all you could think of that it was missing.

You wanted to write down that you were thirty years old and would be thirty-one come December. You wanted to write down that you were mixed. That black and white heritage was the only heritage you had proof of but had been told you had native blood your entire life. You wanted to list off what your powers were and chart out how they were related to each other. But there was no place or room for that on the paper.

You don't know what questions this Connie would ask you, but as you sat there imagining them you felt yourself catastrophizing the yet to happen encounter. When you recognized that you were doing this you pulled out a few sheets of folded together paper.

The sexual dysfunctions which may be addressed by sex therapy include.

• non-consummation (no)
• premature ejaculation (inconsistent)
• delayed ejaculation (inconsistent)
• erectile dysfunction(no)
• low libido *
• highly overactive libido *
• hypersexuality *
• unwanted sexual fetishes (painfully unwanted)
• sexual addiction **
• painful sex ***
• lack of sexual confidence (definitely)
• recovering from sexual (no)
• stress (Yes)
• tiredness (Yes)
  * Erratic libido
  ** Masturbation addiction + new lethal need for sex
  *** Painful masturbation

You wondered what you'd admit to. You wondered what you would have to put out there because this Connie wouldn't think to ask. You wondered if this therapist would laugh at you the same way the last male therapist you had did.

You flipped the paper over in your hand to read more notes you had written earlier.
TALKING POINTS

1. You are not the only therapist I’m seeing. I’m seeing a psychiatrist and a physical therapist.
2. I believe most of my romantic and sexual problems are mental in nature and origin.
3. I removed myself from the dating pool in high school because I asked myself a question. “What’s the bare minimum I want in a woman? Easy on the eyes, someone I can talk to, and someone I can keep happy.” If I can’t keep myself happy how could I keep anyone happy? I can’t, I told myself. That may have been a mistake.
4. I hit puberty at the age of eleven and have been masturbating ever since.
5. My dick was once straight but has been curved for years leading me to believe I have Peyronie's disease.
6. Two of my Ten Core Branching Superpowers are life- manipulation and erotic manipulation (tantric manipulation on the fandom site). A sub-application of life- manipulation is sexuality manipulation, and a sub-application of erotic manipulation is indomitable sexuality. Many of the applications of these powers have been locked away by fear as my powers are controlled by my emotions, among other things.
7. My unwanted fetishes are , mind control, hypnosis, and transformation. The first has made me want to castrate myself since I was in junior high school watching Taimanin Asagi. The other three need to go asap because they are now possibilities instead of fantasies. I was so ashamed of the fetishes that I could not even fantasize about them without torturing myself over them, and therefore could not complete any fantasy. But this did not keep me from consuming media centered around them, until I got off, and which point I would flee from the media in question.
8. For the first month I had my powers I had accidentally turned myself into a human equivalent of an incubus, and therefore I kept dying due to lack of sex but resurrected by the second and ninth of my ten powers. While that problem has been rectified recently, I’m still traumatized and horrified by that.
9. Up until I received my ten core branching superpowers I had only had one wet/sex dream, and I was me my stepmother with the intent to hurt her. Since I’ve had my powers I’m having sex dreams every time I sleep or nap. Thankfully they are more varied than my first, and few are as disturbing as that.
10. There’s a disconnect between people and sexual arousal in my mind. I have to think about sex to be aroused and erect. But when I see someone I don’t think about sex. This means that even when I’m watching porn or hentai I need to tell myself little stories to get hard, as even observing sex isn’t enough to make me think about sex. But reading erotic fiction is the easiest way to arouse me because I think in words more than I think in images, and therefore reading about sex is the equivalent to thinking about sex for me.
11. I often have hundreds of hentai, erotic audio, and cartoon porn tabs open on my phone at any given time. Last week I closed 681 tabs at once that were mostly erotic in nature.
12. I’m mainly horny when I’m alone and bored instead of when I’m around people I recognize to be attractive.
13. If it weren’t for trap cartoon pornography and transwomen that had facial feminization surgery I would consider myself entirely heterosexual.
14. I’ve been afraid of having children from childhood to present for various reasons, but around the ages of twenty-three to twenty-five I’ve had a breeding/impregnation kink that conflicts with that fear that tears my mind apart as I think about that conflict.
15. An example of my backwards thinking is I knew I’d be a bad dad when I was a child, a bad husband as a teenager, and a bad boyfriend as an adult.
16. Any sex I will have will be considered interracial because of my mixed heritage. This is one of the reasons I have an ambivalence to interracial pornography and race play, other than mixed race people being left out and uncatered to, the focus on racist thinking, and the unending racist stereotypes.
17. Despite quizzes telling me I’m a switch, I don’t trust myself enough to be a top, and I’m to insecure to be a bottom.
18. Because I’ve almost always been aware of my similarities to my father and grandfather I have been convinced I would be an abuser who would get away with the I did. This is one of the reasons I’ve avoided relationships.
19. Out of fear of being accused of having an Oedipus complex I avoided any girl or woman that had a single trait with my mother in common. I feared this accusation because I’ve wanted to my father before I hit puberty because of what he did, and a favoritism towards my mother that lasted until I realized or learned that she had been mistreating my little sister. Now I fear accusations of internal racism for avoiding women with dark skin, or ableism for avoiding women with glasses.
20. My stepmother gave me a murderous hatred of anyone with short red hair because she triggered my first suicide attempt. When I was I ended up verbally forgiving that woman for almost making me kill myself at the age of fourteen. I’ve regretted that forgiveness ever since.
21. I never consciously thought of anyone, but having the only wet dream I ever had involve with the explicit intention to cause pain and harm has made me fear being a and has caused me to avoid sex my entire life.
22. I’m a thirty year old virgin.
23. My lack of sexual confidence stems from my lack of plain confidence.

You wondered If you had written down all of your sexual problems and hangups. You fold the papers up and put them away.

You get up, look the form over one more time, then return it to the receptionist, and sit back down. For a moment you were calm, only to become increasingly nervous as the seconds passed by. You knew that there were worse people out there and it was likely that this therapist had dealt with worse people than you, but you felt with an increasing certainty that you would be the worst person seen by this therapist today.

You were sweating. Your fingers were drumming on the chair. Your leg was pumping up and down. Then you were called in.
Oh god! Were you prepared to admit to everything?