The Transylvanian Conundrum - The Big Bang Theory

Knock, knock, knock…

“Penny”

Knock, knock, knock…

“Penny”

Knock, knock, knock…

“Penny”

Penny jumps out of bed.

Where is she? She looks around… This is her bedroom.

She stumbles into the living room. Damn she’s thirsty!

The diabolic cycle repeats to her left.

Knock, knock, knock…

“Penny”

Three times as always.

Knock, knock, knock…

“Penny”

Knock, knock, knock…

“Penny”

“Beep you Sheldon,” she thinks as she walks to the fridge.

The tiny white bulb casts a gloomy light over her short pink see through. She grabs the carton of milk intending on quenching this unnatural thirst, but as soon as it reaches her lips, her guts rebel and she nearly vomits.

“I can hear you in there Penny…”

The annoying voice of her neighbor slips below the door and the knocking resumes.

Knock, knock, knock…

“Penny”

Knock, knock, knock…

“Penny”

Knock, knock, knock…

“Penny”

Unable to resist the relentless onslaught, she finally gives up.

“Come on in Sheldon.”

There’s something weird in her mouth but she doesn’t have time to explore further as Sheldon explodes.

“Good morning Penny, or should I say good evening Penny.”

Penny looks at her watch.

“It is three in the morning, Sheldon, what do you want?”

The sound of her own voice surprises her. It’s deeper, more sensual. Clearly not the voice she usually uses with her boyfriend’s roommate.

“Have you seen Leonard? He was supposed to bring me dinner last night after your movie but he never showed up.”

“Where is Leonard indeed?” she wonders as Sheldon continues rambling about something else.

She went to the Cheesecake factory last night. She was supposed to meet an old friend of hers that had gone to Europe for a few months and after she was supposed to meet up with Leonard to go and see the last Star Wars movie. Not that they hadn’t seen it seven times already, but on the seven previous occasions, her little munchkin of a husband was able to bring her to orgasm. Seven out of seven, that was a reason enough to go back for an eighth run. Damn she’s horny.

She clearly remembers the orgasm, but nothing about the movie nor how she got back home. Wait a second she doesn’t even remember what happened after meeting with her friend.

“Why are the lights off?” Sheldon’s annoying voice finally reaches her brain.

The lights? But the lights aren’t off, she can see perfectly, she can see the light bulb lacking any sort of… energy.

Click.

Sheldon, that inconsiderate prick, just turned on the lights. Penny covers her face. Slowly getting used to the brightness in the room, Penny lowers her arm. Sheldon is looking at her speechless. She had never seen Sheldon speechless. Speechless and Sheldon come from two very different planets, they never meet, never engage, never happen.

“Sheldon?”

“…”

“Sheldon? What’s wrong?”

“Penny… You’re covered in blood!”

“I’m what?”

But it’s her turn to be speechless. She looks at her pink see through and it’s not pink anymore, it’s red, coagulated blood red.

“…”

“…”

Sheldon’s Cartesian mind is the first one to kick back in. He walks to her. She can’t take her eyes off his chicken neck…

“Did you cut yourself?”

He lifts her hair, revealing her shoulders.

“There it is, a couple of holes into your neck, they seem to be closing… It’s funny they look so much like vampire bites…”

“Vampire…” Penny thinks to herself, “The blood – hum blood – the holes, the fangs…”

Fangs! That is the weird feeling in her mouth.

And suddenly it falls back into place. She met her friend at the cheesecake factory. He lured her into a back alley. Come on, a back alley in Pasadena, she has lived here for nine years and she has never seen a back alley.

“Hum…” Sheldon starts.

She tried to explain to him that she was married now and that the short affair they had a few years back didn’t mean anything anymore for her. But he didn’t seem to care and after a while at staring at his magnificent deep red eyes, she didn’t mind either. He fucked her below a fire escape ladder –that’s the orgasm!- and then, after he filled her up with his semen, he bit her and drained her of her blood.

“Despite the infinite capabilities of my amazing scientific mind…”

She came back to her senses a few hours later and confused she came home. She found Leonard pissed off at her. He tried to get her into an argument, but she disappeared for a second, got into her pink see throw and lured him into the bedroom. In no time all was forgotten.

“I have to jump to the conclusion, that you have been bitten by a vampire Penny.”

“And what do you think that means for you Sheldon?” Penny asks smiling all fangs bared at the most annoying neighbor on the planet.

“That you’re a vampire now.”

“And?”

“And … that I should be running?”

“Yes Sheldon, you should, but you know what?”

“What?”

“It’s too late…”