The Script

Wheels up. I was on my way. I wanted to surprise him. Tell him everything in person. I didn't care about what people would think and that we could do it, and if people had something to say, "fuck'em."

The flight wasn't long. It gave me enough time to gather in my mind what I would say. I had the whole script with background actors, all planned out. Exterior, Kelly's apartment, day, Wilkes knocks on the door, it opens, and she peers into the sparkling green eyes of her one true love.

The neighbors stop and stare as she confesses the matters of her heart with tears rolling down her pretty brown cheeks. He moves closer, pulls her into his arms, and says, "I've been waiting for you."

Or, something like that. I took a deep breath as the announcement came over the speaker, we were landing. I felt the aircraft descend. I heard the landing gear drop from the doors, and then the tires hit the concrete runway, the sound was loud but my heart felt like it beat louder. We slowed and pulled to the gate. I was there. I was ready to claim what belonged to me.

******

After retrieving a rental car, I headed to my hotel room where I would stay for a few days. Then I spent an hour convincing myself to go to his apartment. I didn't fly here to go home empty-handed. I took a few deep breaths and left.

I arrived at his apartment complex and parked, I saw the light on in the living room. I got out of my vehicle and walked to the door wearing a pretty red dress. Red was his favorite color. He would always compliment me when I wore red and steal looks. He didn't even know that I wore red, especially for him.

I waited with my fist suspended inches from the door, and finally, it made contact. My heart beat fiercely in my chest. I could feel it in my ears. The door opened and he stared at me as if he saw an apparition, "Wilkes?"

I nodded, "Hey Kelly."

He smiled, "What are you doing here?"

"Um, I was just visiting. Saying 'hi' to my old friends."

He nodded, "Just one second, I'll be right back," he turned went inside, closed the door, and returned wearing a shirt and some green shorts, "Let's go for a ride," he said as he grabbed my hand, "wow, I can't believe you're here. I haven't heard from you since you left."

"I know. I've been trying to get settled. Things have been crazy. So, what's new?" I asked as I unlocked the car doors and we got inside the rental. We stopped at a place for dinner and chopped it up. It felt so good being in his presence again. It felt like old times.

I've missed you," I admitted.

"Yeah, yeah," he joked, "I've missed you too, sort of," he chuckled.

"Do you want to come to my room?" I asked him. The last time I had sex was with him. It had been over two months and I craved him.

He nodded, "Sure."

*******

Standing in front of him and kissing him felt right. He paused and touched my face, "I should go."

"Why?"

He shrugged, "Jackie—"

I kissed his mouth. My hand glided down and I found him stiff, "You can't go. Stay."

He quickly removed my dress and moments later we were bare in the middle of the bed with him in my center filling me as I moaned loudly. The way he worked my center drove me to tears, "Jonathan, babe," I said.

He looked down at me, "Yes?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Jackie."

It was out there. We had said what he had kept secret for two years. It felt amazing holding him. It felt magical kissing him. All I had to do was find the right moment to say the other secret that I was carrying inside.

I wanted the moment to be perfect. I still had two days to be with him I wanted to savor every minute before heading back to Florida.

When morning arrived, we made love again and again before he had to leave. I kissed his mouth and pulled his shirt trying to convince him to stay for another round but he insisted that he had to leave and would return for dinner.

It was fine. I still had people I wanted to visit.

******

I called one of my old troops Senior Airman Liezel Torres. She was this beautiful half-African-American and half-Filipino young lady and happened to be the first troop I was ever assigned. We met at the base exchange, "Oh my God SSgt Wilkes, I can't believe you are back."

"Just for a few days."

After exchanging hugs and pleasantries we ate and talked. She told me about a new guy she was dating. Showed me pictures of him a handsome black man. She looked happy. She put her phone away, "Enough about me...what are you up to down in beautiful sunny Florida?"

"Still getting used to rain, rain, and more rain."

She laughed, "Humidity. I haven't experienced that since I left the Philippines with my parents. Dating anyone?"

I laughed, "No. I'm just—"

"Is that SSgt Jacqueline Wilkes?" his voice boomed with that unmistakable Southern accent.

I turned with a smile, "If it isn't TSgt Tony Lewis," I stood to hug him. We used to spend a good amount of time teasing each other. He was from Georgia and I was from South Carolina and we always had the debate over which state had better peaches.

"Well, what brings ya back here?'

"Visiting old friends."

"How long ya here for?"

"Two more days."

"Nice. Did you see old Kelly yet? He's having an engagement party at the enlisted club next week."

My face scrunched, "Really?" I looked at Liezel, "Kelly's getting married?"

She nodded, "Yeah, he started seeing his ex-girl again. The girl he dated before basic and tech school. They had broken up for a while then she just reappeared after you left."

I nodded. That wasn't in the script. She was not a character in our screenplay. I held myself together as best as I could. "It was nice seeing you TSgt Lewis, I'll stop by the shop before I leave Monday."

"The guys will be happy to see ya, see ya later Wilkes."

"Are you okay?" she asked sweetly.

I nodded as I fought back the tears, "Girl, I'm good." I chuckled. The truth was I was devastated. I could hardly concentrate on anything she said after that. I finally made up an excuse to leave. I hugged her and left.

As I sat in my hotel room, I tried to fathom why? Then it made sense. He tried to leave and I didn't let him. I felt so stupid. I shook my head. I touched my belly and cried, why was life playing such a cruel trick on me, or was it simply the result of my foolish behavior?

I packed up my things. I had to leave. My cell phone sounded. I saw his number. I didn't answer. He called again. I didn't answer. He sent a message, "We need to talk."

"No. It's fine. I'm good. There's nothing to explain," I responded. There was no way I could look at him. I continued to pack. I could get a late flight back to Pensacola.

I heard a knock at my door. Reluctantly, I walked over and answered. I saw him standing there looking at me with sorrow in his eyes, "Can I come in?" he asked.

I said nothing. I stepped aside. He walked in and I shut the door. We stared at each other.

"Liezel told me about what happened. I don't know what to say, Wilkes."

"It's fine. Really," I responded with my voice cracking.

"No. It's not," he stepped closer to me, "I called you and I wrote you. You never responded. I thought you wanted to forget what happened between us. Act as if it didn't happen. I never stopped thinking about that night."

"Right and after only two months, you're already engaged."

"Don't. She's not some random chick. You know our history."

"I do. And that's why I'm surprised you've decided to marry her. I mean really."

"She's changed. Plus," he shook his head, "I'm going to be a dad. She's pregnant."

I nodded, "That's nice." I put the last of my things into a carry-on bag, "I have to get ready to leave."

"I thought you were staying for a few days."

"I'm going back to Florida. I wish you all the best and I mean that too." I opened my arms. He walked closer to me. I wrapped him tightly, "You're one of the good ones. I hope she appreciates you." I stepped back and touched his face.

"I meant what I said last night, I do love you."

I nudge him, "I know Kelly. Now go to your fiancé. I'm fine."

Slowly he walked to the door. It opened. And at that moment, I let the best thing I had ever known walk out of my life. I was shattered. I wanted to scream. My eyes filled with tears. I blew out a puff of air, found some tissue cleared my nose of the mucus, and later headed to the airport.