The Client arrives

I sat uptight as the loud knock upon my door managed to wake me from my impromptu nap. Finally a client! It had been such a slow week that I often found myself dozing off in my office.

I looked at my reflection in the window to make sure I was presentable. Staring back at me was a very pretty woman. With flawless olive skin, gorgeous brown eyes, brunette hair that cascaded down her shoulders and a hot body covered by a white shirt and jeans. She was the sexiest private eye in the whole city, if I do say so myself.

I was fit to be seen, but my office was not. It seemed like a tornado had just passed by, boxes and papers were strewn about everywhere. It was a complete mess by any standard, but at least it gave the impression that I was a busy woman. With no time to clean it now, I just made sure that my nameplate faced forward and read “Laura García, Private Detective” before yelling at my unexpected guest to come inside.

A tall dame strutted into my office, her body concealed almost completely by an overbearing trench coat, an odd choice of clothing given the sunny weather we were having. I raised my eyes to see her face and noticed she was sporting the biggest sunglasses I had ever seen. Hiding the golden locks on her head was a sunhat so large that sombreros looked at it with envy. Still, I recognized her, how could I not? The news of her recent wardrobe malfunction spread around like wildfire.

She made her way to the chair in front of my desk, carefully avoiding all the paper on the floor.

“What can this humble detective do for a superstar like you, Rena?” I asked before she could get a word in.

She took out her sunglasses and hat, giving me an angry look for daring to guess her identity. I could already tell she was going to be trouble. “I need you to find the person responsible for the incident at my concert.”

“Didn’t the police rule that it was a mechanical failure?”

“Those are lies. It was sabotage!” she exclaimed, pounding her fist into my poor desk. “The cop who was investigating dug too deep and got scared. But I have proof! Look at the message I received before the concert.”

She pulled out her phone and showed me an e-mail sent to her from an anonymous source the day before the concert. It demanded that Rena publicly admit that she stole her songs from small indie bands or else she would suffer an accident during her performance.

“Watch what you say, lady. I got friends on the **** and let me tell you, they’ll die on the line of duty. A two bit blackmailer would not scare any of them into abandoning an investigation. This is just a coincidence.”

“You know the old saying detective? It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain. Or in this case, embarrassment. I also managed to get a hand on the police files before they closed the investigation. You’ll see that your copper friend agreed with me before she chickened out.” She handed me an usb drive. I plugged it in and sure enough, it seemed to contain legit investigation files. I gave it read. Rena was apparently right all along. At least I thought so until I read the alias of the suspect.

“Miss Rena, I don’t appreciate people wasting my time. I’m going to ask you to leave. Next time you want to scam a detective at least try to come up with a credible perp name.”

“I don’t like wasting my time either. Believe me, you are already the third detective I tried to ask for help. But it’s true. The perpetrator really does call herself the Queen of Pranks. She even has a website, look!”

She got up and typed a web address into my computer, queenofpranks.com. The page was real enough, though it looked like it was designed by a circus clown throwing colors onto the screen. It only had three buttons: FAQ, Donate and Login. Rena produced an username and password. The webpage loaded a member’s exclusive area with a lot more options.

Rena commandeered my mouse and clicked on the button that said “Last Prank”. An article popped up that explained how Rena was a haughty singer that stole her success from small bands, and how the author, who called herself the “Queen of Pranks”, gave her one last chance (that she refused) to come clean or learn a true lesson in humility. Then it detailed how she modified the harness and pulleys to strip her in the middle of the concert, without giving any incriminating specifics. Finally at the very end of the write-up there was a gallery of photos taken by the Queen herself of the event. The images there weren’t the same low quality cellphone pics that circulated around the web, but almost professional high definition pictures that I had never seen before.

Rena returned to her seat. “See? I wasn’t lying. That site even has her previous pranks. After the police closed their investigation I did my own research and stumbled into this page. I even paid that contemptable woman the subscription fee to create a user. But now I’m stuck, I can’t seem to find any new information on her. That’s where you come in.”

I kept scrolling the page, there was indeed a history of other pranks. Her previous targets were not as high profile as Rena and not all of the practical jokes involved stripping, but a fair majority did. It seemed like the so-called Queen targeted people she believed abused the common man and needed to be brought down a notch. If this was some sort of scam, it was all too elaborate for Rena to pull on a random detective. She must have been telling the truth, or at least what she thought was the truth.

“Did you really rip off other songs?”

“I can assure you that all my music is 100% legally distinct, that girl is just crazy. So, will you take the case?”

I clicked on the Frequently Asked Questions to get a little more information. The “Queen of Pranks” started her “crusade” to humble those who **** their fellow citizens a few months ago. For now, she only operated in the city and its vicinity. If you paid a modest fee you could become a member of the “court”, with access to secret joke “blueprints” and the photo-articles cataloguing her exploits. If you donated even more money you could hire her to prank a target of your choosing, though she reserved her right to refuse. She insisted that she gave each of her victims (at least the ones that she chose, not the ones she was hired to prank) a chance to come clean before she targeted them. And yes, she was aware that Queen of Pranks was a stupid name, but she couldn’t think of a better one.

My gut told me that this girl was nothing but trouble. That I should stay away from her. But I had to admit that I was looking forward to tackling a more complex case than usual. I was tired of chasing after spouses because their partners had a fit of jealousy. And it’s not like a prankster would be dangerous. Right?

As if sensing my indecisiveness, Rena spoke up. “If you capture her I will pay you her weight in gold.”

“Deal,” I replied immediately. My doubts being cast aside by a huge pile of money.

“Great, I have to go now. That little stunt she pulled actually landed me quite a few new contracts thanks to the …extensive publicity it received. I will be pretty busy in the near future. I trust you can handle everything on your own.” She got up and handed me a piece of paper. “That’s the username and password for the site. Keep the police files.”

Rena walked to the door, but stopped before leaving “One more thing. When you do find her, if possible, bring her to me before the police. I have planned a little… payback of my own.”

And with that remark, the superstar walked out of my office and left me alone with my new case.