The Call

She dialed the Emporium number, and then waited. She was sitting on her brand new phat ass, on her bed, naked. She was trying, and failing, to stay calm. Could she die of an Elixir overdose? Or would she just stay like this forever? How would she explain this to her coworkers? They'd never believe her.

Hey, yeah, hi, it's AJ. No, the same AJ, not a new AJ. Yes, the nerdy loser in IT. Yeah, I've been transformed into a hot babe. I know, I want to fuck me too. No, I'm not messing with you, it's really me.

A bitchy voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Emporium customer service, whaddya want?"

"Hum, hi? Is this the Emporium?"

"I just said Emporium customer service, didn't I? Fucking bimbo."

AJ was too flabbergasted to respond. In parts because she had never heard someone so rude working in customer service, and also, because, well, it was weirdly hot?

"Hello? You there?" The customer service rep sounded genuinely annoyed.

"Yes, yeah, I'm there. I'm there."

"Ya got an actual problem or ya just calling to like, waste my fucken' time?"

"No, no, I have an actual problem. Hum, some girl I met yesterday gave me some Elixir…" she glanced at the bottle. "Peach Elixir, and I think she gave me an overdose, and I woke up and I looked like… a hot blonde."

There was a loud sigh, then the noise of paper sheets being handled. AJ didn't dare talk before the girl on the phone asked her another question, so she waited.

"Alright, Peach Elixir. You're aware that this is an experimental product, The Emporium cannot be held respons-"

"Yes, I've read the fine pr-"

"Don't fucken' interrupt me when I'm talkin'."

"Huh… sorry…"

There was a loud exhale before she started talking again. "As I was saying, before a rude bitch interrupted me, The Emporium cannot be held responsible for any undisclosed side effects. The chemical concoction and its byproducts are the property of The Emporium."

"…"

"Is that understood?"

"Oh, huh, yes ma'am."

"Good. Now. Didja drink the entire bottle?"

"Hum… Actually, I think it was, hum… drinking might not be the right verb for it…"

"The Elixir was taken by enema?"

"Yes. And, actually, it was more than one bottle."

There was a pause. Then, a "how many?"

"Four bottles."

"Four entire bottle ingested anally?"

"I think so?"

"Tha fuck you mean, "I think so?" Didja or didja not ingest it?"

"I'm- I'm sorry, it's just that last night I was very drunk, and I met this girl and brought her back home and she gave me the Elixir but I don't know exactly how much but now there are four empty bottles in my bin."

A heavy sigh, then, "Okay. Okay. Don't panic. I'm gonna give ya the address of a clinic that can help ya with this."

"A c-clinic?"

"Yeah, it's an Emporium clinic. Free of charge."

"Free- Really?"

"Yes. We care about customer satisfaction."

"Oh. That's good to hear."

The customer service rep gave AJ the address, then hung up the phone without saying good-bye. AJ was then alone with her thoughts, naked on her bed with an address scribbled on her palm.