The Boy in the Mirror

Sitting there in Lu's lap, face against hers, arms wrapped around each other, you tremble. So many emotions are coursing through you, a raging river of feeling. Her warmth and strength make you feel safe. You're deeply grateful for the stunning revelation of your hidden desires. Both of these are driving an undeniable attraction to her. But underneath all of that, there's a new fear. A fear of the unknown. A fear of having something you've long hidden even from yourself exposed. Even if some part of you is beginning to trust Lu, the other girls are still here, and you can feel the cruel hunger of their gaze.

"Aww, how sweet!" Jessica's musical voice cuts through the warmth. "Looks like our little dyke has taken a liking to Lu!"

"That's adorable!" Stacey giggles.

"Good goin', Lu! Can't wait to see you crush her!" Anna growls with excitement.

"Hey." Lu's voice is still soft enough that only you can hear her. "Hey. Don't listen to them. Listen to me."

You pull in a deep, shaky breath, trying to calm your racing heart. "O... okay."

Lu's arms around you squeeze just a little tighter. "Say 'yes, Dom'."

A shiver runs through you. "Yes, Dom." Just saying those words starts to calm you down, clear your mind, center you.

Lu gives you another of those firm kisses that make you swoon even as they focus all of your attention on her. "Good sub." Her voice is still too low for the other girls to hear. "Now, we're gonna do something together that might get real scary. I'm gonna push you, and hurt you, and take you places you never thought you could go. I think you need this, and I think I know how to take you there, but I need you to trust me." She takes a deep breath, letting the exhale wash over your face with its fragrant warmth. "Do you trust me, sub?"

I... I do. I want to go there. I want to know what the fuck is going on with me. Please. Please show me. "Yes, Dom."

"Good." She kisses you again. Deeper, harder, filling you with an unfamiliar strength. Without breaking the kiss, she stands, taking you with her, her strong and steady arms guiding you. A moment after pulling you up from the floor, she pulls her lips away and turns you around, so you're facing one of the several mirrors along the wall. Lu reaches one hand up and firmly grasps the back of your head, forcing you to look at your reflection. Not that you could possibly look away from what you're seeing.

"The fuck are you doing, Lu?" Anna's excitement has an edge of frustration. "Quit wasting time and destroy her!"

"Lu...?" Jessica's voice is soft and commanding, like her.

Lu doesn't move, she simply replies "Trust me, guys."

You're barely aware of the exchange. The image in the mirror captivates you. The first thing you notice is your eyes. Something in them has become soft, yielding, totally unfamiliar and yet so right. Then, you start to take in the rest of your face. A subtle shift in the tilt of your eyebrows, the set of your mouth, the angle of your cheeks. Still undeniably you, yet oh so different. Unlike the newness in your eyes, this is deeply familiar. You've seen this before, and the memory of the first time you saw this in yourself is a bright moment in your stormy past.

See, Charlie? Look in the mirror, I swear I'm not making it up. Emily's voice. Emily's touch. Emily's warmth and love. So long ago, one sunny adolescent day, mostly spent in her room, in her bed. Your brown hair a tousled mess around your flushed face as Emily showed you yourself in the mirror. The growing awareness that something was different, and what was showing on your face was merely the surfacing of something happening inside you. This is what I love about you, Charlie. You're not just a girl. You're something... more.

It came out first with her, this feeling. This sense of something inside yourself that went beyond being a girl. You are a girl, of course you are, you've always known that, but with Emily you discovered something more about yourself. Something in the softness of her touch and the sweetness of her laugh made you want to be with her in a way a girl couldn't. Made you realize there was a you inside who could only be called boy. Instead of being confusing or frightening, it felt like a revelation, because it came through her.

But she wouldn't be the only one to reach inside and touch that most essential part of you.

"Hey." Lu's voice again, pulling you back to the present. "Tell me what you see."

How the fuck do I answer that? Too much has happened, too fast, and it's all been so intense, you can barely remember to breathe, let alone think. You feel Lu's hand on your head gently squeeze, and once again you draw strength from her, your mind clearing just enough to form a response. "I... I see... me."

"And what are you?"

A toy. A... a sub. An absolute mess. "I... a girl?"

"Are you sure?" Lu releases the back of your head and moves her thick arm across your chest, hiding your breasts. Her other arm reaches down, covering your pussy with her hand. "Look again."

A bolt of lightning. That's what it feels like when you look, when you really see. When you see the boy in Lu's arms. He's you, and you're him, and some lost part of you desperately wants to remember what it feels like to be him. Because this isn't the first time you've felt that lightning bolt. You remember now. You remember Emily finding him inside you and drawing him out. You remember a time when the girl and the boy in you were both free to be. But over the years you forgot the boy, buried him inside, denied this piece of yourself. Sealed him inside a tomb of confusion and fear and denial. When these girls broke you down it broke apart that inner barrier. Now you're seeing him again and you don't know what to think. "I... I don't know."

Lu squeezes your chest tightly, making you gasp with pain. "Don't hold back, sub. I can see in your eyes, there's something you're not telling me."

"I... I see..." You want to tell her. You want to say the words. Something inside is blocking you. Something too painful to look at directly. But the pain Lu is giving you starts to pull you past it. And the way she calls you sub... "A... a boy. I see a boy."

The moment you say that word out loud, that something in your face seems to solidify, become real. A rush of pure emotion sweeps through you, as intense as when you finally surrendered to Jessica, but deeper, stronger. Your voice – a boy's voice – makes a small sound of joy, but it's drowned out by the peals of laughter that fill the locker room.

"Bwahahahat the fuck?" Anna sounds as angry as she is amused.

Stacey can barely catch her breath. "I knew she was crazy but I didn't think she was this delusional."

Jessica's laughter is the most terrible of all. The laugh of someone who simply does not believe you. "Lu, what is this dyke going on about?"

Lu's voice in your ear is a whisper that drowns out everything else. "You're doing great, sub. Don't listen to them." She slips her middle and ring fingers inside you, and presses the ball of her thumb against your pelvis, just above your clit. Then she begins to squeeze and stroke, strong and slow, making you feel something you've never felt before. "Why do you see a boy? What happened?"

"It... I..." You try to focus. She's doing something with her hand inside you, over you, something incredible. "I feel this way... sometimes..." You do, right? You try to ignore it, hide behind jokes, distract yourself from it, but these feelings never really went away. Even after...

"When's sometimes, sub? What makes you feel this way? What happened just now?"

Her hand. Oh god her hand. What is she doing? "I... I... gave in..."

"I know, sub. I saw it. I saw you give in even before you admitted it." She chuckles softly in your ear. "I'm not talking about that. What happened after?"

Her hand, she's... the way she's stroking you, inside and outside, it's like she's... touching something that isn't there. Something buried. "I... you..." What happened? Those girls, they... touched you. Played with you. They're so beautiful, so soft. "You all... made me feel..."

"Made you feel what?" Her breath is hot against your skin.

How can words describe it? Their softness hardened you, their curves straightened you, their beauty made you want to be... handsome for them. "I... don't know how..."

"Masculine?"

Yes. Your chest tightens at the sound of that word. The way it fits. "Y-yeah. Yeah. Masculine."

"But you don't always feel that way."

"N-no, I don't." What do you feel? Thinking, focusing inward, you realize this part of you doesn't often feel much of anything. But sometimes...

"And how do you feel when you're with a boy?"

Trying to remember, who was the last boy you were with? Taylor, just last night. The way his dumb jokes made you giggle in spite of yourself. His baggy boy clothes making you want to look cute. The way the hair on his chest and arms made you revel in the feeling of your own soft skin. "Like a... like I'm..."

"Feminine?"

How does she know? How can she see what you're hiding even from yourself? "Yes." You take a deep breath. "Yes, Dom."

"You're doing so good, sub." She takes a deep breath of her own, letting you feel the swell of her breasts against your back. "I've heard about people like you; it's incredible to meet one in person. Heh, even nicer to have one as a sub. So versatile."

People like me? You want to ask what she means, but then she starts stroking you faster, and your breath catches in your throat. Her arm across your chest is crushing your breasts into non-existence, so wonderfully painful. You want her to do so much more to your body. You want to give her so much more of what's inside. "Thank you."

That seems to catch her off guard. Her hand stroking you pauses for just a moment, and then she chuckles and resumes. "Oh, don't thank me yet, sub. We're just getting started. Now tell me, how long have you felt this way?"

How long? Maybe your whole life. But the awareness first came with her. With Emily. "Y-years."

"If you been feeling this way for years how come you're being so coy about it now?" She gives you a good squeeze. "Why do I gotta pull it out of you?"

Why? What happened? You used to be so much more open about this part of yourself. But then... but then... "I... Dom, I don't..." No. No, you don't want to remember. It still hurts. It's still too scary.

"Don't worry, sub." She's so strong, so gentle. "I'm here. We're gonna do this together. Just trust me."

You do trust her. You want to let her strength carry you through this. But it's too much. It's all coming back now.

His voice.

Quit pretending, you little freak. I'm not pretending. You're just trying to be special, but there's nothing special about you. I just want to be me. You're just a girl, a normal boring girl who's full of herself, but I see through you. Yes, Tony, I'm sorry, Tony, I'm just a girl.

Your girl.

No.

NO!

STOP!

"Stop right there, Lu, I am out of patience." Jessica's voice snaps you back to reality just as you feel her snatching you from Lu's arms. "I'm done indulging your little game, I want to play with my toy."

You can hear Lu take a frustrated breath. "Wait, Jess, listen..."

Jessica ignores her, all her attention on you. She's got you by both wrists, her bright blue eyes staring into yours. "You are my toy, right?" She smiles as you meekly nod. "You're not a boy, you're a girl, a pathetic little girl who needs to respect her betters. You are not special."

There's nothing special about you. She's so beautiful, so terrifying. You just want to let go, let her control you, control everything. Lu had taken you so far, shown you so much, and you felt you'd been on the verge of something incredible. Something life-changing. Something that's been just out of your reach all these years. But now all you can hear is Tony's voice inside, that little piece of himself he left in you like a festering cancer, and you just want it to stop. You want to give everything to Jessica, let the newly discovered bliss of surrender push everything else away.

Just take it all away.

Please.

"Y-yes, I... I'm not... special."

Jessica's smile returns, sharper and crueler than ever. "Call me..." her blue eyes sparkle. "...Mistress."

"Yes, Mistress." Command me control me just make me feel like I'm worth something.

"Much better. Now," she releases your wrists, and runs her possessive hands up and down your body. "We need to do something about this absolutely silly notion of you being a boy. You're actually not that bad-looking, for a dyke. Nice, shapely tits..." She pinches each of your nipples between thumb and forefinger, lifting your breasts up off your chest and making you wince and whine. "Nice, juicy snatch..." she releases one of your nipples and uses her free hand to tease your soaked pussy lips, drawing a sharp gasp from you. Her other hand finally lets go of your nipple and strokes your cheek. "And not too ugly, either. Again, for a dyke. But I am a rather particular Mistress, and I like my toys to be pretty. Girls?"

Anna darts over to the row of lockers on the far wall. "I've still got my spare makeup bag in here!"

Stacey saunters over to the bench where the cheerleaders' discarded uniforms still lay in piles. "I think she'll look great in my uniform!"

Lu takes a step towards you and Jessica. "Hey, Jess, listen..."

Jessica doesn't look away from you. "Lu, don't. We can talk later about your little make-believe games, for now I just need you to behave and play along, alright?"

Lu's mouth twists into a frustrated grimace and she makes a little grunt, like she stopped herself from saying something. "...sure."

Jessica's smile now glows with the warmth of victory. "Alright now, my toy. Don't you worry, we're going to take extremely good care of you. Just relax and let us make you as pretty as I deserve."

Pretty? It's such a strange sounding word to you. Even when you're feeling girly, that word doesn't feel like it really fits. But stronger than your discomfort is a need to please Jessica, and that need makes you answer "yes, Mistress."

First, they put you into Stacey's cheerleading uniform. She's quite a bit slimmer than you, so it just barely fits, and the effect is absurd. Your breasts are squeezed together, exaggerating their size and shape, with the underside peeking out from the edge of the top. The skirt takes quite a bit of shimmying for them to pull on you, and once it's on it clings to your ass, the hem just barely covering your pussy. Under normal circumstances you'd feel absolutely ridiculous wearing it. Now, with the strange and barely-understood feelings of being masculine swirling inside you, it feels... wrong.

But Jessica wants you to wear it, and doing what Jessica wants is right.

The too-small cheerleader outfit is just the beginning. Once you're dressed – if you can call it that – Anna and Stacey begin painting your face with Anna's makeup. You've never really been into cosmetics. Even when you're feeling your girliest, the most you would ever do is borrow a little lipstick or eyeliner from a friend to complete a look. These girls go well beyond that. Foundation, blush, highlights, eyeshadow, sparkling pink lipstick. Stacey and Anna know what they're doing, and under Jessica's direction they transform you into a caricature, a cartoon of womanhood. Staring at your image in the mirror, you can still see the boy in your features, buried underneath the paint. You don't want to look like this, it isn't right.

"Oh that is perfect." Jessica's terribly lovely voice swells with pride. "Just how I want my toy to look. On your knees, dyke."

You tear your eyes away from the image in the mirror and look at Jessica's smiling face. Sinking down to your knees, the act of putting yourself below her starts to quell the raging emotions inside. Kneeling before this nude Goddess, wearing this absurd outfit, your face shining with makeup. You know you should hate her, and you do hate the way you look, but you're surrendering anyway. You're doing whatever she tells you, looking exactly how she wants you to look. The storm inside is threatening to tear you apart but you know it won't because she's in control of what happens to you.

And it feels so good.

"Alright, toy. Tell me you belong to me. Tell me you'll obey my every command." Her smile widens to reveal her teeth. "Tell me you'll be a good girl for Mistress."

You feel like you're being pulled in a thousand directions at once. But only one will take you away from the confusion and hurt. "I belong to you." Please own me. "I'll... I'll obey your every command." Tell me what to do don't let me think I don't want to feel this pain anymore. "I'll be a... good g-g-girl for you, Mistress." Am I a girl? What am I?

I'm her toy.

That's all that matters.

Jessica reaches a hand down to stroke your hair. You close your eyes in bliss, wanting to kiss her feet, eat her pussy, do something to show her how grateful you are. You don't have to worry anymore. She's going to take care of you, and there's nothing, no one, that can get in the way of that now.

Your eyes snap open as you hear voices echoing down the entryway from outside. Male voices. You look up at Jessica, eyes pleading, and see her smile only growing. "Right on time."