The Bank

Of course, if I’m looking for somebody I can help out, a bank might just be the perfect place. I’m standing at one of the little shelves around the waiting area, the ones where old timers go to fill in their paying in books. My book is on the shelf, and I’m trying not to look suspicious as I listen out for somebody who sounds like they are **** for a loan, or have been screwed over by a computer error.

I jump as the front door to the bank slams open, and look around. ‘Everybody get down, this is a robbery!’ shouts a man wearing a balaclava. Another man runs in behind him, and two women are close behind. They are all wearing balaclavas, all wearing grey boiler suits. I can only tell which ones are men or women from their general shape, so I could be wrong. All of them have shotguns and green duffel bags.

Fuck me, this is perfect, I think! Maybe this is why I’ve got the book, so I can foil dastardly crimes? I’m on the floor just by the shelf, and I quickly scribble in the book. I haven’t had time to think about what I’m writing so I close it and hope for the best.

It has gone quiet. Everybody is frozen in position. That was my idea. I stopped time, and it seems to have worked. I have no clue if I’ve stopped time in this building, or in this town or country or the planet or the entire universe. All I wrote was ‘Zanzibar realised that time had stopped, and everything and everybody apart from him was suspended in this moment.’ I know this is not exactly starting small, but I’ve done it now. I don’t know how it works, I suppose I should try to ensure I don’t accidentally destroy the universe with this sort of nonsense, but fuck it.

Two of the bank robbers are pointing their guns at customers, but looking at the clerks behind the counter. Frozen in place the customers look absolutely terrified of course. The other two are standing by the door which leads behind the bulletproof glass screen, and I guess that’s where the vault or whatever is where they keep the money. I don’t know what they were doing when time stopped as I was concentrating on the book, but it’s pretty clear it was an ‘Open the door or the old lady gets it,’ kind of situation.

I stand up slowly, then walk over to the robbers. I need to be careful not to actually shoot anybody, so I move the shotguns so they are pointed at the ceiling. They move easily, and just stay where I leave them. I prise the hostages away from the bad guys, then take all the guns and stand them in the corner. I wonder if I could fire one? Will it work if time has stopped?

After I’ve dragged the robbers into the middle of the room I’m not sure what to do next. I would guess an alarm has gone off, but presumably the police are all frozen in time too as they are not here yet. I take their balaclavas off. One of the men was shouting at the clerks, his face is red and angry. The two women who were waiting at the door look business-like, professional. The other guy looks blank. I’m not sure if that’s because I’ve stopped time, I think he probably always looks like that.

I need to secure these four bad guys so they can’t just run before the police get here. I feel good about being able to save all these people from an armed robbery. Maybe I can also have a little bit of fun while I’m here? No harm in it, I decide.