Talking with Amy

The next day I had a one-on-one meeting with Amy. She said these individual meetups were helpful to make sure we were both getting what we needed from the process. Maybe so, but I suspected it was also about billing more hours. Still, I did find them helpful sometimes, so I went.

"What's new with you," she asked, as she often did at the start of our sessions.

"Jane came over two nights ago for a booty call, and I turned her away. And then last night she came over again and we had sex."

"It's not too uncommon to have sex even while divorcing," said Amy. "But, I did notice how embarrassed Jane seemed about this the other day. Why do you think that is?"

"Last night, she seemed out of control to me. Like, she did something she would never..." I trailed off.

I didn't want to finish the sentence, but Amy said, "I know how this could be embarrassing, but remember I'm a therapist. I've heard it all -- nothing you say is going to shock me. And, I really do have a reason for wanting to know. So would you tell me? Tell me all the gory details."

So, I told her, not just about the blowjob, but about our history, both visits, and all the things Jane would and wouldn't do in bed.

"Would you say you were satisfied sexually in that relationship?" she asked

"Well, it's not like that," I said. "I mean, we had a decent sex life, and I enjoyed it. And I certainly didn't want to push Jane to do anything she didn't like." Which was true.

Amy laughed. "You really have to set higher sights for yourself," she said. "Something odd is going on with Jane -- I'm going to find out what during out next one-on-one. But how about, right now, you instead talk about all the things you want to do -- all your dirty fantasies -- that you never got to do with Jane. What was missing?"

I sank back a bit. "I, uhh... I'm not sure about that." The truth is, I was excited by the prospect of talking about sex with a woman. But, I felt embarrassed too.

"I'm not just asking idly," she said. That was curious! "I think there's a good chance you can act out all your fantasies. But, I want to know what I'm getting into beforehand."

"That seems pretty unlikely," I said. "Some of them are kind of ****...". But in the end I told her everything.