Take none of the pills

I stare at the pills laid out before me, feeling overwhelmed. "I don't want any of the pills," I say firmly, surprising myself with the conviction in my voice. "I need some time to think about this."

The doctor nods. "That's perfectly understandable. Take all the time you need. But know that these pills are here for you if you decide you want to explore those options."

Mum and dad exchange a worried look, but they don’t argue with me. They know that pushing me right now would only make things worse. They both pat my hand and tell me that they're proud of me for being so strong.

As we leave the doctor's office, I can't help but feel like my whole world has been turned upside down. I'm not sure who I am anymore, or what I'm supposed to do. But one thing is clear: I can't just sit around and wait for things to go back to normal. I have to face this head-on, even if it means pretending to be someone I'm not.

The doctor offers to call the school and explain my 'situation' to them, and after a moment of panic, I agree. It's better than trying to come up with a lie myself. He dials the number and speaks calmly into the phone, explaining that I've suffered a rare hormonal condition that has caused me to, well, change. He uses a lot of medical jargon that I don't understand, but the gist of it is that I'm now a girl and will need the support of the school in creating an environment in which I can resume my studies uninhibited.

Mum and Dad both nod along, looking relieved that someone else is taking charge. The doctor hangs up and tells us that the headteacher has requested a meeting with all of us tomorrow morning to discuss the matter further. I feel sick at the thought of facing anyone as a girl.

As we drive home, the reality of the situation starts to sink in. I can't go back to school as Dominic. Everything is different now. I'm different. The thought of walking the halls as Kylie, a girl, is both terrifying and weirdly thrilling. I can't help but glance down at my new body, I’ve wondered what it would be like to live as a girl but it’s not something I thought would ever happen. But looking at myself in my phone camera, I feel pretty in a way I never did as a boy. Not that I was ever insecure, I always felt I was quite handsome in fact, but rather that now I’m able to be hot, sexy even, in a way a male is unable to. It’s as if being a women comes with far greater customisation than being a man, a concept I find exciting to consider.

As I ponder society’s constructs for male and female sexuality and expression, I drift into sleep.